In a relationship with a person who has a 'past', do you pry into it or show patience and wait for the person to have faith in you to divulge?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone has a past. They can tell me in their own time, if they even want to.

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What Girls Said 1

  • everyone has a past; unless it's going to directly impact the relationship, it's not a big deal and can wait until the other person feels ready to share.

    my other half has "a past", in the sense of a traumatic event that had a lasting impact on him. he's worked through most of his issues, though he did open up to me as we got to know each other, once he trusted me enough to know that i wouldn't be scared away.

    on the other hand, my "past" involved a relationship-impacting issue... as in, i was sexually assaulted an ex-boyfriend. because i was scared and we (my current s. o. and i) didn't know each other well yet, i would always pull away when things started getting hot and heavy; when he asked why, i was honest with him about it and he showed me respect by working to earn my trust.

    trying to pry into someone's private life is disrespectful and shows a lack of empathy. in my boyfriend's case, i don't push him for details and just let him talk about the incident when he needs to vent; similarly, he doesn't press me for specifics of the assault, and i'm comfortable enough with him that i can talk to him about it if i need to.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Most people have a past, but I would build trust first and wait for her to tell me on her own. But if her past won't cause problems with the relationship, then I don't need to pry about it if she's not ready to talk about it yet.

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  • Who dosnt have a past nothing that's behind you matters if you are in a car race do you watch the cars behind you or do you watch the guy in front of you and the road so u can win.. So don't be a loser move forward try to get in first and don't worry about the losers who are on eating your dust.

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  • Well, if that past is something truly important and huge, the sooner I find out the better. I wouldn't want to lose time with someone who's either done hard drugs or has slept around left and right.

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  • It may be something you shouldn't pry or want to know. Depends on how secure you are buy can also open up a can of worms. Not everyone has a vanilla pass. Look forward unless she gives you reason to have suspicion that her past is still bothering her or part of both of your present.

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