Am I at wrong? or am I overthinking it?

I
Am I at wrong? or am I overthinking it?

I was talking to my boyfriend, and I'm about to visit him in South korea, then we were talking about he needs to stop controlling me it wasn't any kind of fight but we were only talking, then he said something about my style of clothing, then he showed a pic of me saying that I need to diet, I felt shocked hearing that from him knowing that I'm not fat I'm curvy but not that Curvy at all And I'm not a plywood then he said again you really seriously need start a diet and korean are all thin, I said back hello I'm not korean and I'm not trying to be I felt kind of hurt! what should I do? should I really break up since it seems he's shallow?


0|0
3|3

Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay, after five people telling you that your boyfriend is a dick (I guess you wanted to hear that) although they obviously have absolutely no idea about Korean mentality and culture, I will try to give you a bit more sensible insight as someone who has a long-term Korean girlfriend, has lived in South Korean and actually is informed about Korean mentality.
    First of all, you need to understand that Koreans generally have a very different cultural approach to many things. One of the cultural differences and misunderstandings you two are currently experiencing is the dramatically different value of political correctness in your respective cultures. America (which is where I suppose you are from) is super big on political correctness. This goes so far that many Americans are even - quite literally - frightened of words and say stuff such as "shoot" instead of "shit", "gosh" instead of "god" and of course the all-time popular "n-word". To Americans, this is the most normal thing in the world but in many other cultures, people laugh about this obsession with political correctness. While western Europe (where I am from) is somewhere in the middle, Korea is on the other end of the spectrum. Koreans don't even grasp the concept of political correctness. It's not because they're rude, it just doesn't make any sense to them. In popular Korean comedy shows, people often make fun of fat people or even handicapped people. To us westerners, this can appear heartless but it's just a culturally different way of dealing with things. Koreans can be shockingly honest (unlike their Japanese neighbors). If a Korean person thinks you're overweight, you can be dead sure they will tell you. Not necessarily because they want to offend you but because they're just so direct about it. They notice it with their eyes and so they say it. Also, what's considered skinny or chubby in one country might be different in other countries.
    Another thing you have to understand about South Korea is that South Koreans are indeed extremely focused on physical appearance. You might call this shallow and partially I agree with you but this attitude has important historical reasons and if you understand these, it's easier to understand why Koreans think this way. Korea is in a very different developmental state both as nation and as society than North America or western Europe. This is simply a fact. You can like it or dislike it but if you want to have a Korean boyfriend and have a decent

    0|0
    0|0
    • relationship both with him and with his parents you need to learn to accept this.
      Finally, I need to tell you that your boyfriend is not some weird exception. What he said to you sounds like a very typical Korean guy. 95% of all Korean guys say these things to their girlfriends. Partially because physical appearance is considered very important and valuable (girls also expect a lot of their boyfriends in that department) but partially also because South Korea is still a pretty traditional and patriarchic society. Sure, there are also some very modern-thinking men in Korea but most aren't. And just like the other cultural differences, this is something you have to accept if you want to date a Korean person. Koreans still have rather strict views of what a "real man" and a "real woman" should be like and while young Korean women are very emancipated and free (so the comparison with Egyptian guys of @Paris13 doesn't really work), many Korean guys still do expect some submissiveness.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Before you hop aboard and abroad to go way across God's Country to be with a Guy who is this Control freak here, dear, Think it over or you will be sorry, finding yourself so uptight that that you begin to wither away to skin and bones once over there.
    I am well aware of what you Probably will go through. I went to Egypt to marry a man who found me on FB. My First trip was fine but the second was Not what I thought it was and I found out pretty fast that it wasn't a blast to be in another part of the world, where people you thought you Knew were Not... What they claimed to be.
    This One sounds more than 'Shallow..'I think he is confused as to which side of Korea he is on.
    Don't do anything if you don't feel it is right. If it starts on your own soil, it will follow you with more trouble and toil.
    Good luck. xx

    1|1
    0|0
    • Thank you, sweetie, for the upvote.. I am rooting for You. xxoo

What Guys Said 2

  • You are nicely built and need find a new boyfriend cause there is nothing wrong with you i see no need for you to lose weight and you don't look curvy , you better take some time and see the red flags that are going on with him not too good, Yes he is being shallow cause he knows you can get any guy and he is insecure so he wants to say things to you to bring you down.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You aren't curvy. You are a bit chubby. I wouldn't break up with him because I can GUARANTEE you are just as shallow. Would you date a man shorter than you? That is what I thought.

    0|0
    0|0
    • in reality he's not tall at all and he same hight as me and I don't care about him being tall fat slim or anything else the outside can be lost in a car accident or anything but the inside is what will last for centuries!

    • Show All
    • Wow, never mind then. Women like you come around once in a lifetime. I am actually 6'1 but I use to be 5'8. I am sorry your boyfriend is judging you then because you clearly don't deserve it. What I would do is tell him that you have your flaws like everybody and he has his like his height. Then ask him if BOTH of you can accept each other for your flaws. That is what true love really means.

    • I accepted him whatever he is, all I care about is to be happy and loved since I met him all I ever did is to accept what he is and never asked him to change anything about himself, then there's so manythings wrong all I ever did is to accept and close my eyes, because it's what he is and there's always a price to pay, but saying to diet I felt a bit offended

What Girls Said 2

  • Break up with him girl he doesn't deserve you he doesn't even know that curvy girls are a gift, feelin sorry for him really.. And don't worry about your body:)

    0|0
    0|0
  • He seems really rude and mean. You shouldn't be with a guy like this, but do what makes you happy.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...