Is comparing my self to others lowering my confidence and self-esteem?

Can this be the case that im not that confident a d dont have much self esteem? i have anxiety just to let you know.. whenever i see teenagers or young adults infront of me when i m walking or near me, i tend to puff my chest and frown so if look tougher, especially when i see a group of people and i start thinking they would look at me. Also if i see a guy with a full beard or something, i start dooing it too coz like i said, looking tough coz my beard isn't full yet. would i have better confidence and self esteem if i just stop? is this decreasing my confidence? i pay more attention to the people around me rather than myself.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Everyone compares themselves to others, but I think you need to think about other people more realistically. They don't see you the way you see yourself. You notice all your little flaws because you live with them every day and scrutinize them.. Other people won't be looking at tiny things wrong with you because they'll be too busy doing the same with their own insecurities. They're thinking more about how you're seeing them than about you probably.

    This is probably left over from being bullied in school but when I walk past groups of people my age or younger teenagers I get nervous. But I try to just recognise that they really don't care what I'm doing, they're just trying to hang out and have a nice day.

    Recently I was home from Uni for the summer and when I was out I saw this group of kids who were a couple of years below me at this school where I was really unpopular. They recognised me so they started yelling stuff like 'whey' at me, and it made me feel like I was 13 again; scared and upset.. But I recognise that that's ridiculous. They didn't really care about me, they were just having fun and wanting to look cool in front of their friends

    The important thing is being the person you want to be. Seeing these kids made me briefly feel like the little girl who got picked on in school and felt shitty about herself all the time; but I'm not that person anymore. I have a best friend who I love, I go to one of the best universities in the world, I'm significantly more good looking than when I was 13, and overall I'm just better now.

    So maybe try and think about things about you that are better than they used to be and how your younger self would see you, rather than what other people are thinking so much

    • Thanks that was interesting to read and glad your over all that... thing i learned is the people who go through some stuff are the strong abd succesful people

Most Helpful Guy

  • Someone will always be better. That's life. However, you can change things in your life to make yourself more appealing or "worthy." You can stay in shape, change your clothing, and hair or grooming style. Personally, I'm confident in who I am because of my line of work, the income I make, the education I have, and my health. All of these things I can change or have control. For the things that you don't have control over i. e. what other people think, stop worrying about it.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Its just part of being a teenager really. You're still trying to figure out who you are, where you fit in in the world. I was the same as a teenager, terribly insecure. I think it just comes with age, the older you are, the more used to being yourself you are and you just kinda accept it. It's perfectly natural to compare yourself with others, I still do that now! The trick is don't think that they're better than you, just have the confidence in yourself to think, well, they're good looking/tough but so am I, then you can start respecting people for how they are rather than being jealous. Respect is a much more enjoyable emotion.
    Accept the things you cannot change and have the courage to change what you can :P

    • Im not jealous at all, im happy with my self and i like how i look. But I don't know i just do it... get scared to laugh and stuff with my friend near some teens and people coz il think its childish... I don't know my brain thinks stupid

What Guys Said 1

  • Why would it? I'm much better than everyone else.