Scared of the possibility to have a girlfriend, but miserable to death because of loneliness? Help?

Hi, I've never had a girlfriend in my life and i'm 22. The problem is, i have a crush and i want to ask her out. The possibility that she would say is making me so nervous, i'm so scared. I'm afraid i'll be accepted, not rejected. So, i cannot ask her out under these circumstances either and then i'll be miserable again because i'm all alone and have never even held a girl's hand in my life. Please help me, i don't know what to do.

Updates:
Again, i'm afraid she'll say yes. I'm afriad i'll start dating someone. It's not like i'm afraid of rejection, that's easy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know what you mean. You're scared of change in your life and probably possible ways this could go wrong after it goes right. Keep in mind that it can't be more wrong than it is now; it can only get better. If she accepts, she will try her best to make you feel great because she truly likes you. Girls tend to go the extra mile when they say 'yes' to going out. If she says no, it's really good to be relieved. Because if she'd say no, it'd mean your relationship was bound to crash and burn anyway. You will be fine whatever happens. :)

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Most Helpful Guy

What Girls Said 17

  • You remind me of my bro. Its funny but he and I were good looking kids, I got loads of guys asking me out and when it came to girls he was awful at it!

    He turned 21, met a girl and asked her out. She rejected and her friend actually said she liked him. He ends up dating her, fast forward 15 years and they are married with a son :)

    My point? just ask. Even if you get rejected you never know what will happen! She was his first girlfriend :)

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    • Getting rejected is not what scares me. I'm scared that she'll say yes, i don't know whhat to do in that situation.

    • she's human... just treat her like a friend but flirt you will be fine x

  • The unknown and "failure" is what scares you. You do want a girlfriend but you are not sure how life is that to be with one. Will that be changed for better or for good?

    You are also worrying about if she rejects you it will hurt your ego.

    All I can say is you only live once, if you have feelings for her just go for it and ask her out. You don't want to regret for not asking in 20 years. And if things doesn't work out at least you give it a good go and No one is to blame.

    Be brave and ask her out! Good luck !

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  • I would suggest talking in person. If you two don't talk on a regular basis, then find something you have in common or that she is interested in (e. g. if you have had classes together, you might know some of her friends) Showing an interest in her is a good step. I wouldn't exactly confess your feelings until later on, that is if you still feel this way after you really get to know her.

    Remember, she's human too. She has fears, just like you. If you don't talk to her, you might end up regretting it later on. Start off with something light, "Hey. How was your summer?" Don't jump right in and blurt, "Um hi you don't know me but I thought about you all summer... And well I was just wondering if you'd like to see my rock collection..."

    Just be yourself. Be confident (even if you have to fake it). And keep in mind: showing a little interest, with the right amount of kindness, can really impress someone.

    Life's too short to live in fear, everyone gets over a rejection but what if's can haunt you for life.

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  • Why are you scared of her accepting you? What exactly is the fear?

    You speak about how you want to have someone in your life. Most people want to have the companionship, the closeness, the attractiveness, the trust. So, either from that list or something else what is it that's putting you off?

    I think you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and making it into a bigger deal than it is. Holding a girls hand isn't that bad - it's like holding anyone else's hand but with a bit more affection. Kissing you pick up naturally. And if you are honest with her about being a virgin, she won't expect you to be a stud in the bedroom.
    Stop overthinking and just cool down. You're fine.

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    • I don't know what exactly i'm afraid of. I guess i can say it's uncertainty though. I've always hated it throughout my life.

    • I think you need to just be brave. In the same way people are scared of being said no to, just be brave. It may be the best thing you ever did.

  • So, you've never had a friend who was a girl? Tell you what, we (girls) stress over the same things that guys do, I have two brothers, they ask questions about girls all the time! Your mom's a girl, you get along fine with her don't you? Look around you already have tons of experience relating to girls, don't stress out so much.

    Unless the girl you end up is as inexperienced as you she will help you out, just be a good listener, be observant, when confused ask questions. Be honest with her, why you haven't dated. Lots of girls would love to teach you!

    You'll have a whole lot less baggage to bring to a relationship by not dating around, that's a good thing, so don't ever sell yourself short because you're inexperienced!!

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  • You aren't afraid that she will say yes. You are afraid of what may happen after she does. You are afraid of commitment. Talk to her about it. Tell her what all of your fears going into the relationship are. And make sure she knows she's your first. Don't cheat on her please. It hurts so many people.

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  • No one is ever completly ready for a relationship. But.. The longer you put it off the more it won't happen. I know that If you just do it afraid and give it all youve got and make sure you dont ignore her, that you are genuine sweet and loving... it should be good! Relationships should be fun and enjoyable.. But, if your not ready... do not ask anyone out because if you can't put your whole heart into it you shouldn't date her, it will just hurt her. People just date just to say they had a boyfriend or girlfriend. They forget that they have to maintain it and work at pleasing eachother but some people can't handle that because their too selfish.

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  • From what I've gathered, you don't know how to progress once she (hopefully) has said yes. That's actually the easy part! Asking somebody out has always been the most nerve-wracking part of any relationship for me. If you're unsure of what to do, treat her like you would any of your other friends. Invite her to hang out with you and another couple of friends. Just take deep breaths and relax. Do not be afraid to show her who you truly are. Don't let her looks overwhelm you. That is why the asking out has always been so hard for me; I get caught up on the other person's appearance, and then I start questioning my worth. She's just a person too and I guarantee she has felt the same way you are feeling now at some point in her life too. Don't be afraid to tell her that, yes, you are in fact nervous and unsure because she's the first girl you've pursued a relationship with, and you don't want to screw if up. Your honesty there would be quite cute and endearing.

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    • One more thing! Don't feel pressured to progress too quickly in a new relationship. Move slowly and feel things out. Make sure you're both happy with where it is going. And as I said before, remember, she's only human too. Good luck!!

  • Like @genericname85 says, it's like when a dog chases a car. After the car stops and it can catch up to the car, it will not know what to do and then eventually lose interest.

    Just take the opportunity if it presents itself. And then just let things take its own course.

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  • I totally get what you are going through. I have never been in a relationship either and im sure I wouldn't know what to do if i was in one so I understand the fear. You said you wanted to ask her out. I would say ask her just to go do something with you but dont label it a "date" and see how it goes just hanging out as friends.

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  • The best advice I can give is that nothing is that big of a deal and everyone had to do it the first time at some point. The best part is that it really is no big deal. You do something once, I. e. ask a girl out, hold someone's hand, kiss a girl, etc. And then boom! You've done it. It isn't earth shattering and you actually weren't as different from everyone who had all along anyway. Do don't worry about it, everything happens in due time and if she says yes, I'm positive that she would be patient and understanding, if she isn't forget about her and try again. Because someone will be.

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  • Whether you ask her out and she denies you or you don't ask her out and you save yourself from feeling embarrassed, your still hurting in the long run. Ask her out, if she says no then she says no. It will suck, it will hurt, it will discourage you. You just have to realize that it is what it is, you tried your best. If she says yes, than that's awesome! Either way, Sooner or later your going to meet a girl that, in the moment, you'll have to ask out despite your fears simply because of how captivating she is. Be calm and kind, and she'll say yes. If this girl says know you can always try again at a later date.

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    • It's not rejection, it's acceptance that i'm scared of. I have no idea what happens after she says yes. If she says no, pff easy. Just move on.

  • Ask her out. The worst case senario is that she would either say yes or no. If she says no then too bad. If she says yes tell her it's your first time im sure she will understand

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  • In life you must take risks life is about chances

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  • What is the worse that could happen?
    1. die from heart break
    2. truth hurts but you'll go to another woman anyway.
    3. nothing.

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  • Well I've been with my first serious boyfriend for over 3 years. He's my world.

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  • welp in your case you will be scared forever lol

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What Guys Said 29

  • Ah, this sounds so familiar. The first two girls I dated were similar. In my case I did ask them out. But after the first date I had no clue where to go with it. So I just ended up ignoring them.

    It's like the first date was awkward enough, but what the heck happens after that? I was still a total first date noob. Second date was like advanced dating when I hadn't passed the class in first dating yet.

    I know it's not easy. But there is only one thing to do, and you know what it is. You have to get past your fear and ask her out. There really is no way around it. There are no short cuts. If you wait for her to ask you, it's not going to happen.

    You MUST. Do it man. Just do it. Gather all the courage you can and ask her out. Trick yourself and do it before you have time to think about it. You can do this.

    Do it
    Do it
    Do it

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  • You'll never know unless you take the first step out of your comfort zone.

    Getting rejected sucks, and getting broken up with sucks even more. But it will not kill you, nor will it harm you so grievously as to make you unable to bounce back.

    That's really life in a nutshell, man. You take your licks, you get back up, and start over again. And again. And again. And again, until one day, you find that woman that completely blows you away. That's the one you want, the one that, for all the confidence and experience you'll have from the repeated attempts prior to meeting her, you are literally struck dumb and nervous just by being around her.

    But you gotta take that first step, you have to put on a show of confidence, even if its just fake. Because "fake confidence" becomes real confidence given time and repetition.

    You just need to take the first step.

    Good luck!

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    • On a side note, you are not alone, for there are just as many women that have the same worries. Its not a problem, just a hurdle all must eventual summit if they want whatever/whomever they want.

      This is what it means to be human.

    • I'm not afraid of rejection, i'm afraid of acceptance.

    • I can understand that, as I too have had that issue. I've grown up with the mindset that if I cannot take care of myself, then I have no business trying to get another invested in my life. The search has always been to become "stable," which, due to life, has been an uphill battle every step of the way.

      But like I typed before, its a matter of gaining experience and thus context, about the one you like and about yourself. Its fine to be afraid of getting broken up with, it royally sucks when it does happen. But if you approach the relationship (or even dating) with the mindset that, eventually, it will end, then you will subconsciously sabotage the whole thing.

      Think positive and whatever comes to pass, happens.

  • This is how you are supposed to feel. You are trying something so new that it scares you to death. But you have to get used to these situations so you will know how to deal with them in the future.

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  • You benefit with either reaction from her:

    She says no, you dodge a bullet and you don't waste your time with a girl who doesn't like you, and you can finally move on.

    She says yes, well, there ya go, a girlfriend. Or at least a date.

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  • If you feel you're not ready, then that's probably confidence issues? Or afraid of being too stressed?

    If that's what you're feeling, then I can relate somewhat. What I did was to just concentrate on getting my life right where I want it to - I needed to feel that I had the mental and emotional capacity/maturity to be a good boyfriend. THEN, I'll go and look for a girl.

    If I'm not ready I should not make a move.

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    • I don't know if i'm "ready". Heck, i don't think any high-school kid is, but they still go out. Confidence issues might be a good way to say it perhaps.

    • Confidence or reckless, I don;'t know hah. Sometimes lack of confidence is highlighting real issues that you should tackle first. Sometimes... well it's good to wing it and just have blind faith.

      Just figure out if you can come out with reasons why you should not feel confident. If you think they're valid reasons, you should not wing it hah.

  • I strongly say GO FOR IT. Do you know why? Because its a unique experience that you must go through. For once, just lose control of your life and go with the flow. Ask her out, kiss her.. And fall in love. Trust me, it is a unique feeling that you will never regret. By the way, i was in the same boat as you are only a week ago. I was overthinking it too. But then, i let tje rope loose and i fell in love. Wonderful feeling :)

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  • Can you please elaborate more? Why are you worried about a yes? Is it because of inexperience or do you just not want a girlfriend at all? I feel like I can give you some advice on this, but I need more context.

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    • I don't know, i gues it's uncertainty. I have no idea what happens after a girl says yes. Soo, we get something to drink and call it a night. then what? Do something else then what? There's always a "then what" i'm so scared of. It's a vicious circle, i don't know what happens so it scares me, it scares me so i can't find out, i don't know what happens so it scares me...

    • That makes sense. I would say to take a step back and just view it as friends. Who knows, you may go on the date with her and decide you don't like her afterall, you just never know. Just going on one date doesn't mean you have to go on another. Just take it one step at a time.

      If you've never done the dating thing before, I would suggest doing something active (putt putt or bowling for example.) Sitting accross from an almost stranger and trying to make conversation can be awkward

  • I don't blame you. I'm in the same predicament. I'm afraid of a girl saying yes or no if I ask her out. I'm not sure why I'm afraid of her saying yes. You would think I wouldn't be afraid. Maybe I'm afraid I'll be happy? That's plain crazy!!!

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  • Well if you're not ready for a girlfriend than don't ask. As for loneliness, make some new friends, get a hobby.
    Get busy living or get busy dying.

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  • beautiful girls are terrible people. you'll never stop wanting one in your life until you never stop regretting it when you do

    grass is brown both sides my friend :) rock and a hard place
    live alone or live in constant torment

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  • Bro, you fist need to get comfortable with her and her comfortable with you. Do not jump the gun too quickly or else you will get nervous and likely mess up/ Trust me when a girl likes you she likely show you the signs.

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  • Seriously? Just tell her how you feel allready, if you are nervous have a few drinks, time doesn't wait. She could be with another guy and u'll be forever kicking yourself.

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  • I'm the opposite, I've never had a girlfriend because every girl I've ever asked rejected me. I wish I had luck that I ask a girl and she says yes.

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  • Life is about risks. So as soon as you are scared you are done. Just go out there and give it all. I promise you, you will regret it if you dont do it. Time to put that dick in use man, get after her lol.

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  • Is it because you dont know what will happen after she says yes? Fear of the unknown?
    Fear of commitment?

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    • Fear of the unknown is more like it.

    • Oh ok, so you actually fear because you don't know how you have to act afterwards, because you've never been in a relationship? That's pretty normal I suppose :) Lots of people have it I think. But trust me, it isn't really different than being friends, except for that the 2 of you are a lot closer together (relationship). Just keep acting like you've always had :) You can tell your girl when you get in a relationship with her, that this is your first one.
      Know one thing. Communication is everything in a relationship. Always be honest with each other and tell your feelings about stuff, that should get you pretty far, since a lot of people don't communicate well and aren't always honest about what they're doing. If your lover is your best friend at the same time and when you love being around each other, you just know that you're on the right path :)

  • Well... That's stupid. You're afraid you will start dating someone yet you want to ask them out... I kind of understand.
    Listen, just do it.
    DO IT!
    JUST DO IT!

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  • Lol, dude get drunk... sounds corny, I know but trust me at least helps with that virginity of yours. Most guys don't ask out girls anymore because the technology is well developed and updated such sites as Tinder, Okcupid, Match, etc. So girls are easier than ever online than in person. You should try it sometime.

    Have fun :)

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  • It's pretty natural and instinctive , she will let you know anyway if she likes you, it's not scary

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    • You don't get it, i kinda know she likes me. Heck, that's why i'm so scared, she might say yes. Then what am i gonna do?

    • Nothing to be scared of , just treat her like a friend first and see where it goes from there, just take her out and do things that you like with her, it will work itself out , you could even tell her she is your first and that it may be awkward at first with you and she might be flattered to know she is

  • Lol you sound like a mess.

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  • you arr hot and deserve betterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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  • there are more women on this planet than men probably lol ask no worries there's always more

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  • Cool story bro.

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  • Sometimes people just are unlikable and it has nothing to do with looks. Tis life you know?

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  • wtf are you wrong Handsome men? well...

    YOU DON'T NEED DATE A GIRL PRUDISH IS FEMINISM

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  • I have similar problem, but I fear rejection, and my problem is even worse than yours, because I'm 15 years older than you :(

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  • You are scared of what is going to happen after she said yes. Don't be scared. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't it doesn't. Don't overthink.

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  • yeah its better to die alone. women are unecessary trouble.

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  • well unfortuneately no way around this

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  • Just take a leap of faith and have a girlfriend.

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