Do fears of death ever get easier?

When I was 13 years old, my five week old sister died in her sleep from Braydeacardia Disease. I woke up to it, unfortunately. And ever since then I have had this massive fear of death. It scares the piss out of me.
I now have two children of my own. My son is 4 and my daughter will be 3 in a couple months. This doesn't happen 24/7 but it happens more often than not; I will go into these month long panic attacks thinking something is going to happen to my babies. This time around my sleepless nights have so far lasted probably around a month and a half. I maybe get 4 1/2 hours of sleep, if I am lucky. I will toss and turn in bed, thinking about absolutely everything that could possibly injure my babies. Even if it is the most stupid thing that would probably never in a million years happen. I still think about it.
I am a wreck. Like I said, for the most part these full blown panic modes only happen at night. I'm assuming it is a result of the PTSD that I have been suffering from since I woke up to my mom screaming and trying to perform CPR on my lifeless sister. It really fucked with me. But it has been almost 9 years. You'd think it wouldn't mess with me this terribly anymore?
I have spoken with my doctor about this and she wants to prescribe me a sleeping aid, which I refused. Once again, probably has to do with the fact that I'm mainly afraid of my kids getting hurt/dying during the night. So I will not take anything that results in me sleeping through everything and not being able to be woken up if my babies need me. I'm fucked in the head. I know. I can't imagine what most of you are probably thinking right now. But I need advice. Don't tell me to take drugs to help me. Given the info I've provided above, that's really not an option. But please, serious advice. This no sleep, constant panic mode shit is really starting to take its toll on me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I hate to bring up religion, but maybe you need to find some spirituality in your life to give you that peace. Facing death and coming to turns with death becomes easier when you have that other piece filled. Not everyone needs it, but for those who are afraid of death, they should seek that peace. Personally, I am not afraid because I know that I've lead a decent life. I fear for the sadness for those I am leaving behind, but I have peace with my end. The biggest issue I think that stems these panic attacks is the lack of control because ultimately, you cannot control death because everyone dies. So, when you realize that worrying or having these anxiety attacks gives you something to do, but it won't fix that problem. You have to find that peace and you must believe in the positives in the world and not focus on the negative. Live to each day to the fullest, love your children with all of your heart, and be the best person that you can be. I recommend trying different religions.

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    • I am already very religious. But maybe you are right. I need to make peace with it.

What Guys Said 4

  • Drugs shouldn't be a permanent solution, find a better therapist if you go that route.

    You could go to support groups of people who have experienced similar situations, only thing I would say is don't focus everything on what's troubling you.

    You sound like you realize that your fears are irrational. I can't pretend I would know the answers as I have no experience in something like this but I would suggest mediation, or some way of letting go of this fear you're holding onto.

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    • I try not to focus on it. But it comes in like an unwelcomed heat wave. I seem to lack the ability to control my thoughts.

    • It's not uncommon. I have not had a lot of experience with death to be honest. But when my Grandmother died, I had visited her in the hospital and seen her not long before she passed. I'm not a very emotional person, but I still had some strange disturbing dreams involving her death, seeing her so sick and in pain before she died. After so many months the dreams did pass however and I knew that her death also brought her peace.
      Your experience sounds more traumatic to me, especially experiencing it at such a young age so it's not surprising that it has effected you strongly, but I believe when we are given dreams or thoughts that seem to haunt us, it's our minds way of telling us that we need to come to terms with something, that something is not right with us.

    • That makes perfect sense actually. Maybe I just haven't gone to a peaceful state with my sisters death.

  • You love your kids. I guess that's normal.
    I'm sure that your little sister is at peace now.

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  • No drugs, you should talk this out with a therapist.

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    • I've tried. Every therapist I have spoken with seems to think the only way I will make it through this is with drugs to help me sleep.

    • Sorry to hear that.

  • Have you considered Hypnotherapy to resolve this issue?

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    • What is that?

    • probably easier to google it and then find a recommended hypnotherapist near you for treatment.
      Google Clinical Hypnotherapy...

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