First of all, Im a trumpet player in my marching band (Im a freshman) and I love it soooooo much... but its becoming too much... not for my body (though it does tear me apart physically), but for my mind. I understand that your first time doing anything is hard, but Im not good at march or playing or doing both at the same time. I am trying so hard and putting my all into this (its top priority) but no matter how hard I try it feels like left and right Im told I suck. I mean my section leader straight up told me "you can't march, but neither can your alternate" and she always finds something wrong to point out when I think Im finally doing a good job. Im the worst in my section and Im constantly being reminded of it.
I love marching band, so telling my mom how I feel is not an option because I dont want her to make me quit and drop the class. Who cares that Im low on sleep, skip breakfast every morning, skip lunch every afternoon, am in pain almost everyday, have almost no time for friends, am killing myself to pay my fees, and have lost weight because of marching band? None of that will break me, but constantly being told I suck by someone who has no clue how hard I'm working will... about a month ago I had an anxiety attack outside of practice and ran away before anyone even saw me! I've found myself being pushed to the point where I've found myself fighting back tears while my captin and leader are hounding me about not havind my music memorized or my drill...
I used to cut because I was stressed and because no matter what I did I never felt good enough... I want to cut again.
I dont know what to do anymore...
I dont want to quit... I love the sport too much.
What do you do when so. ething you love is threatening to drive you over the edge, closer to insanity?
Marching band madness driving me over the edge?
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