My boyfriend smokes weed and it bothers me like crazy what should I do?

Me and my boyfriend are going to be a year in together and he barly told me he smokes weed and has been smoking for 8 years... Im already in love with him and i know its unfair for me to ask him to stop.. but personally its a huge turn off... but i love him to much i can't just leave becuase of a "harmless drug" so I've been told but it also worries me he's always paranoid and that really explains why he questions me on cheating or lying and its really effecting our relationship i know i have nothing to hide from him but everytime he does this i feel like he doesn't trust me and no trust =no love and i hate that he needs weed to be happy and it makes me feel useless becuase i want to make him happy not a plant i just do not know what to do as reguards to asking him to change or be forced to leave him :'-/ Im glad he told me the truth i just wish he told me sooner we are already deep in the relationship leaving is going to kill me and dealing with him smoking is a turn off and heartbreaking... i dont know what to do...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • How often does he smoke?

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    • i think he does it like 3 to 4 times a day

    • Yeah, I can see how that would be aggravating. I smoke only on the weekends, usually at night after I come home from going out or I'm just hanging out with some friends, but smoking all the time like that can really change someone's personality and make them really reclusive and zombielike. I would talk to him about cutting down on that and tell him how you really feel. If that doesn't work you just have to give the ultimatum.

What Guys Said 5

  • This is a tough one. He has been doing it for so long, and before you that he likely won't just up and stop for you- I know I wouldn't. but I also would have been more upfront with you on it... which is why this is tough.

    I say for now, just tell him not to do it around you/ or when he will be seeing you. If he is with friends or home alone for a long time, then fine. I know it is not the best solution perhaps, but I think it is likely the most workable for both of you.

    I had an ex who was a smoker smoker before we met, and normally cigarettes are a deal breaker for me. Well she was in a play for a few months and the whole cast smoked like crazy, so she inevitably picked it up again... it was one of our biggest fights to be honest, and I asked what I recommended to you- just not around me or right before she will be seeing me. Well she latter admitted that gave her the encouragement to stop because she knew if she smoked, she would not be able to kiss or cuddle with me later that day.- so you never know what may come from slowly working with him on it!

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  • This relationship is not going to last...
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQekyJskW14

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  • First question how much often does he smoke

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    • 3 to 4 times a day :/

    • Yeah he not going to quit, you might as well end the relationship if you don't like it that much, sorry.

  • Leave him...

    .

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  • If you knew he smoked, why did you say yes?

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    • he told me a year in on our relationship...

    • Show All
    • Yet you agreed to go out with him

    • jesus its like you do not understand, i did not know he did when i agreed to be in a relationship with him
      he did not tell me he smoked weed until a year went by

What Girls Said 3

  • I've dated 2 guys now who both smoked pot almost daily. I'll tell you one thing right off the bat.. you'll never change them. They won't change for you. No matter how much they love you, their weed will always win to you. My first ex who smoked pot dumped me right after I asked him to just cut down on his usage a little bit as it was influencing our time together. We were happy and everything was well. I made one little request and it was enough to throw everything we had away. My last ex who I was terribly in love with (still am) also left me and I sometimes think it has to do with the fact that we were incompatible. The weed was definitely a factor. It wrecked him and made him mess up his life. He is careless, lazy and has no ambitions. He is all talk but no action. It is heartbreaking to see someone like that. Weed can have a very bad effect on people and the idea that it is harmless is utter BS.

    So basically you'll have to either accept it or let go. You can't change a person obsessed with that plant. They'll let go of anything and anyone as long as they can get their high.

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    • Best advice here. Stay clear. You are in for a battle you won't likely win. His brain is already going to mush.

    • @AidenBlue

      That's so true. The damage is already done with pot heads. I realized my last ex who has been on it for almost 4 years straight will always be "damaged" by it one way or another. Even it was the way he screwed up his future and missed out on great opportunities.

  • just tell him to be a fucking adult and stop acting like a little teenager and to stop smoking weed or your leaving him as you value his success enough to try and help him stop. honestly, i smoke weed but im a kid and i know if i were ever in the position where i wanted to be in a relationship with someone who values me and my success i would try to stop and replace it with a healthier habit as i know smoking isn't the best coping mechanism. honestly, i wouldn't want to date a stoner they're so goddamn boring. and id want my partner to be sharp, on his grind, and doing his best to make me proud. if he doesn't want to stop just let him know how you feel about how it turns you off and ask him his opinion on the drug

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    • what would asking him the opinion of the drug do? I've asked him if hed quit just a thought... he hesitated and thats when i got shocked... and found this site
      anyway he said "it depends" if hed quit or not i just stopped there he loves weed... : / and to be honest once from the very begging a guy tells me he smokes i do not want any part him... but he tells me now... he's everything I've ever wanted.. and it was just to good to be true :/

  • This is what happened with me sort of my first boyfriend smoked weed everyday, and I would tell him I don't like it, sometimes I wouldn't care, but there was a line and he crossed it many times. If he's paranoid it could be do to the fact he does smoke, and it can affect your relationships in different ways in the long run. You can set ground rules like I remember I told him I'd rather him smoke at home than out and about etc.

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