Why do some people NEVER talk about themselves?

Some really introverted people never talk about themselves. They give no clue about their life, interests, or hobbies. And it's like pulling teeth getting them to say anything about themselves.

I used to be really introverted, but it seemed defensive and honestly a little selfish not letting people find out anything about me. I grew out of it though, but some people remain guarded for years. In my journey from being a reserved wallflower, I discovered if I was vague and used phrases with multiple meanings, I really drew people in. Once people start trying to figure out the meaning behind a vague phrase, you got 'em hooked.

Why are some really introverted people such blank slates when it comes to anything about them, and how do you get them to open up? Cause I'd imagine even if they seem rough around the edges, they're dying to open up.


Most Helpful Girl

  • - Maybe they're just shy or awkward, and don't feel like they have anything to say? Nerves can have the effect of making a person's mind go blank in the moment, which may cause him or her to close up and not want to speak out of fear of coming off as boring.
    - Maybe they're just not comfortable with being open about their personal lives for whatever reason (for example, being unsure about the other person's intentions, or about whether the other person really cares)?

    As an introvert myself, I'm never "dying to open up" unless I actually feel comfortable with someone. I'm a quiet person who likes doing most of the listening at first, but once I get a better feel for a person's personality I feel a lot more inclined to open up more and be myself -- it just takes me some time.

    If you're trying to get someone to "open up," try to do fun activities to get to know each other more in a no-pressure kind of way. Stick to topics she's comfortable with. Tell her stories. Tease her and make her laugh. Give her genuine compliments. Ask her open-ended questions. Ask her fun, random questions, like "What was your scariest dream?" or "If you could travel anywhere right now, where would you go?"


Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe because they don't think they are good enough for anything. They're afraid of being made fun of.


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What Girls Said 3

  • The sort of mentality that I had when I was more introverted is that I was there only to help people at all times and that by being un-selfish I was simply being the best I could be; anything else was horrible and less than what anyone deserved. Of course, now I know that isn't true, but back then it was what I lived by, practically. And I felt that by talking about myself I was boasting or bragging or doing something. Forcing my opinions and life onto someone else which I considered selfish. I don't think like this anymore, but that's what I used to believe. I still don't talk about myself too much but it isn't because I feel selfish by doing it but because I'm more interested in others than myself--so much so that I feel like I don't need to talk about my life.

  • You are right, it can be frustrating to when people don't want to open up to you. I think most of it has to do with trust, and they probably have other people they are open with already.

  • Sometimes I just don't feel like revealing anything if I don't see the need to.

    Specially with strangers.

    For me, I think it's a subconscious choice.

    Something like that.


What Guys Said 1

  • because I like to surprise and keep it interesting

    • But when people are too guarded and never say anything interesting about themselves, there's very little to create surprise or interest. You gotta give them something suggestive of hidden depths, to create surprise and interest.

    • oh I do that, I just dot give much about myself because I like to keep people wondering who I am and what I do