Am I a bad person for giving my baby up for adoption?

my mom thinks I should keep it. she says I'm abandoning it and it will have phychological problems when it gets older because it was adopted. I just don't think I can handle being a mom right now. The baby's father was a one night stand and he is an awful person who does drugs and hits his sisters all the time. I don't want him to have anything to do with my child. I want it to have a good home and a real family. but my mom wants me to keep it. she says she will babysit it whenever i need her to, but I still feel like having a baby right now would mess my life up, and the baby's too. what should i do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you should put him/her up for adoption.

    Babies and very young children are actually in high demand for adoption - a healthy baby will have no trouble finding parents who will take good care of it. It sounds like your mother just wants to have the child for herself. If you keep the child, they won't get a good father, and it will grow up under the stress of a mother who isn't fully prepared to take care of them. Children know when they have affected their parent's lives. That would be far more damaging than simply being adopted. I definitely think adoption is the smarter choice in your case. It's something more people should do, and especially so in your case given the situation with the father. Sooner is better.

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    • Yeah, I feel like the baby deserves a good dad, and that's something I can't provide. My dad was never a part of my life, and it hurt. I'm very attached to this baby already, but I can't help but feel like it deserve to have so much more than I had. I don't want to mess up its life, I know I've got problems. I just want it to have the best life possible.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you're not ready to have a child, then its best for the child to go to a loving family who wants one. There are so many couples out there who can't have children and would love a child like it was their own, probably even more because they want it so bad. And sure all those saying that you should keep it and it's a blessing... Well it sure is a blessing, but I'm sure someone who really wants a child, and has both the emotional and monetary means to deal with a baby will be a much better family and provider than a single girl whose not sure she wants to keep it and the possibility she could be fighting off an abusive drug addict father it's whole life. I say give it up to a family that really loves it.

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What Guys Said 13

  • I think you should do what feels best for yourself since you are the mom of the baby and you will be most affected by all of this.

    However, having said this, I also have to say that I really find it sad that so many girls like you simply don't give a shit and are like "oh yeah, let's have some random guy stick his dick into me cuz hey, who gives a fuck about potential pregnancies as long as I can have some fun!"
    And no, I'm not being moralistic here. You can have sex with 1,000 different random guys, I don't care. I don't have anything against female promiscuity. But what bothers me is this: you're not 14 anymore. You're between 18 and 24. That age is more than old enough to know how to go about having casual fucks with random people. Is it really that hard to take a pill or tell the guy to put a condom on? And no, don't even give me this rubbish about condoms breaking. They are regularly tested in the factory and can hold up to 6 gallons of water without ripping. No guy has so much cum to tear them apart. I just don't get it. See, I'm a guy. I get horny a lot and I've definitely been in situations where I just wanted to get home, rip off my girlfriend's clothes and have sex. But there were always 2 seconds to put on a condom. I just don't get how people can be so careless and afterwards make their babies suffer for their carelessness. Because this is for certain: the baby will suffer in any case, whether you'll raise it yourself under bad circumstances or you'll give it away for adoption. Babies deserve to be only born to parents who actually both want them and I don't get what's so freaking hard about that.

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    • Actually, people can rip condoms with their nails while putting them on... I'm not saying it happens all the time, but there is a reason condoms aren't %100 effective

  • I am adopted myself. My adoption story is very different than you and your baby.

    I had some difficulties in my identity when I was a teenager. But that was because people around you can make it difficult for you. Later I learned how to be me and I became a very well grounded person. My ex was also adopted. She went through the same things I went through but is also a very well grounded person.

    In my opinion the greatest thing my parents ever did was giving me away. They loved me enough to give me a better life somewhere else. I'm grateful for that. Because of this I had opportunities in life that I would never had gotten. And my new parents for me are my real parents.

    What you should do is what's best for you and your baby. Look at all the options. Maybe the child will be better off with family or a friend for example. Maybe family helping? And how would life be if you met another guy that would love to be the father? How about something temporary? Like I said, look at all the options because you will have to live with it all of your life.

    I do agree that such a guy cannot be the father or even be around. I appreciate that you are willing to consider. A mother that cannot take care of the child is not a good option either. Choose wisely. Make plans and talk to people who have experience in this because the ones that don't have just don't know no matter how well they mean it.

    Good luck.

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  • If you gave up the baby, what would you be doing? If you don't have a plan, you are planning to fail, in which case you are likely to have another baby at some point.

    If your family can afford it, keep your baby. In the long run, you won't regret it. However, if your family are currently poor, then perhaps it would be best to give up the baby but know that the relationship between you and your mother will forever change and not for the better.

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  • I don't want sound like a preacher man here and I am not judging you, so please don't take my comments out of context, but in my opinion if you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to raise a child. Now it's your life and you can do whatever you want, if you think giving your child up for adoption is the right thing to do because it will have a better life than what you can give the child, then I can understand that view point. From what you say it sounds as though you have the structure there to raise this child, a good support network in your Mom, but you just don't want to raise your child.

    Your Mother is right, your child could possibly endure many hardships due to adoption and could end up resenting your for abandoning them. I honestly couldn't give my own child up for adoption, I see parenthood as a privilege, not a right or something to be frittered away, but the choice is yours. You have to make the decision you think is best for you and the baby.

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  • no you are not, sometimes there are circumstances beyond ones control and if it is the best way for you to cope it is not a big deal at all, it is very hard for a mother to make that decision, just hope that if this is done the child goes to the best home possible and is found from within your heart.

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  • Well, how would you feel if your mother gave you up for adoption when you were born? Would you grow up thinking why your mom gave uou up? Would you be bothered if you see other children with their biological parents? How would you feel?

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  • How could you even make such a critical error in getting pregnant. I think that was irresponsible to begin with and i think your also being irresponsible right now.

    You seem to have a a positive enviroment and a mom that is supporting the idea, as well as offering to help anytime - that is her grandchild too

    You got pregnant, gave birth - unless you have some extenuating circumstances, your being a coward and running way.

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    • Obviously I know that getting pregnant was a mistake. But this isn't just about me. It's about this innocent unborn baby that doesn't deserve to have a shitty life because of me.

  • @Asker you can raise the baby on your own, plus your mom is ready to help. You're lucky to have such support. I suggedt you don't give the baby for adoption. Bring him/her with your love. Don't think it'll mess up things. You can take help from counselling.

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  • I wish you strenght

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  • It's a mere human being, there is no issue. If anything what you are doing is beneficial for the child if you could not take care of him or her.

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  • No. Your idea is actually mature and responsible. Your mom just wants a grandchild.

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  • Im adopted. There have been hardships and still are.

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  • No. Your a good person for having it and doing whats best for the child. Make sure it goes to a good family thats deserves a child.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I am adopted.

    I assure you, I have had no psychological issues from it, nor has my adopted brother, nor has any one else I know who was adooted.

    My parents who raised me are my parents. I never even had a desire to meet my biological parents. I feel no sadness, no "might have been." It simply is my reality.

    The life I was given allowed me to become strong, confident and successful. I am happy and have had a great life.

    Do what you think is best for the baby and for you. I'd rather that I was raised by strangers than someone who, on some level, resents me. Trust me, the baby will be fine.

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  • If putting it up for adoption is what's best, do it. It won't hurt the baby. I have two friends who were adopted, and they are both very happy and healthy people. If you aren't ready to be a parent and don't want to be a parent, that WILL have a negative impact on the child.

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  • No, there are many out there waiting for a child and you're giving a child to someone. It's up to you. You could have an open adoption if you want so you can keep in contact. It doesn't have to be sign the papers and that's the last you have for the rest of you life. You can keep in touch. IF you want to.

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  • I think you're doing the least selfish thing here by giving your child up for adoption since you have said that you wouldn't be able to handle a baby now. The child could always find you when they are older.

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  • i think you should keep the baby. The baby is yours and your mom is right. You are lucky to have your mom with you. A baby is a blessing no matter what happened with you in the past. Keep the baby and give the baby the love that it deserves. Your mom is there for you to give you support. Keep the baby.

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  • you're just doing what is best for the child so no you are not a bad person

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  • Do what you feel like is the best. It probably won't have issues, and if it does it isn't from adoption. Some of the most normal people I know are adopted.

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  • If you continue having your one night stands and getting pregnant will you just keep shipping off the problem. It will haunt you. If you meet a great guy next year and become a mom with him you'll regret not keeping your first. I was 17 in a long term relationship when I had my first. I was adamant that no one will love my baby like I do. It's damn hard but you grow up very quickly. We aren't rich there's been many times Iv cried trying to pay bills but you know who is by my side. My children. She is 16 now and I have 3 other children. They are my whole entire life. I am blessed. But I have raised them to have strong morals, respect, independence and love no matter what. I have been stopped on planes, trains, boats and buses by people asking me what's my secret. How are they so good. The women in the shops give out to me if I haven't brought my kids in for a week or two to see them. It's not perfect it's hard work. If you put in the time and dedication it pays off and the sense of pride is immeasurable Even though Iv often felt like Iv failed cos I can't give them a fancy lifestyle I somehow give them what they need. So if you feel you cannot give that child the love it deserves, the patience and dedication then you should give it to someone who can. It's a huge decision but you're not a child. You're a grown woman that should have cop on enough to know this is more important than you. If you are the spiteful resentful type then it's best away from you anyway.

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  • Of course you're not a bad person. You're in a hard situation and you're doing what you feel is best for your baby.

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  • You're making a good decision, in my opinion. I think it's good that you're realistically acknowledging your parenting capabilities at the moment, the situation in which you're raising that child, and what you want in your own life. Since it's a baby, it'll very likely get adopted, and I'm sure it'll have a fine life! I've got a friend who was adopted by a couple who were ready for children but unable to conceive, and she really loves her family. She's happy with them.

    If you might want to stay in the child's life, you could ask for an open adoption?

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