I'm an introvert and I wanted to know what other introverts lives are like and see if I could relate to them. Originally I felt like sharing my story but it would be too long and it's hard to put into words how my life is and my feelings or whatever. In short, I feel very detached from everyone else.
You don't have to go into detail, just tell me if you good with people or how you are with friends or how your romantic relationships are or whatever.
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I'm popular with people, but don't know how to flirt without being too obvious which really puts a damper on dating. Most girls have come to me rather than the other way around. I'm smart, patient, and lazy when I'm allowed to be, or busy when I'm not.
So I was fat and awkward as a young kid. Everybody made fun of me. So much so, that I treated it like a game, like I was some kind of terrifying monster, destroying people's happiness. I wasn't rude or violent, just fat and awkward.
And I wanted friends. I knew people liked things, and I figured if I gave away my things, people would like me. So I gave away everything I owned. But it didn't get me any friends. So I realized I didn't need anybody. I was pathetic, and I figured it would just be easier on everyone if I just ignored people.
So I focused my entire life on video games. They made me happy, they made me think, and they kept me from bothering anybody. This went on for a long time.
Fast forward to middle school, puberty started happening and I now was away from everybody I knew. Everyone kinda liked me, but I had a hard time trusting anyone. I was smart, and athletic, and popular, but I still hated myself. Like I was never good enough. And I hated everyone else, too. Like nobody I knew (myself included) could ever accomplish anything.
There were a few exceptions. People I admired. And I guess I became like them. I hated who I was, and was openly willing to change my opinions to become someone people actually wanted to be around. I got better at it as I grew older, until I actually recognized I was doing it. It wasn't until I was out of highschool that it was something I did.
On one hand, I am constantly doubting myself. I know that failure is a constant in my life, and that I need to change if I am going to be worth something.
On the other hand, I don't see anyone else doing the same. They are stubborn and refuse to change for the better.
So my opinions on people are still pretty much the same.
I am incompetent, but so are you.
But I guess where I hate myself, I instead pity you. I feel like I know better, where other people didn't get the opportunity for the same education.
I mean, if someone wasn't taught to be polite, can you blame them for being rude?
My... fluid (?) personality of adopting other people's traits has made me more sociable and outgoing as an adult.
Like... everyone is a child, and I am an adult that wants to act like a child.
That's what it feels like.1