What the hell am I doing with myself?

So i moved out like 2 weeks ago and its going great but since i dont know what to do with college and im on probation i decided to drop my class i was taking and now im working 4 jobs, putting my two weeks in at one today. And like im usually a person who doesn't like to smoke or drink but I've been drinking and smoking almost everyday now plus I've been smoking cigarettes for awhile too. And when i see my parents or family friends im like yeah schools great and blah blah blah. But really i feel like shit for doing so bad and wasting so much time and when i drink and get high i feel so good and i make new friends and i meet guys who want to cuddle and i like to cuddle but then the next day i hear they want to go out and like sorry dude i dont want to date you i was just having a good time. I just feel like im fucking up everywhere and idky i feel like a slut. Last night i literally used a guy that likes me, so i could get high and he wanted me to spend the night i guess which was fine with me (but i wasn't going to fuck him). And the other night at a party apparently thus guy liked me and hadn't been with a girl since high school so his friend told my friend and she told me and i was all flirty with him all night and he took care of me and offered me a ride but as soon as he stopped the car he was gonna ask for my number (what i heard from my friend who was told by his friend) and so i basically jumped out and ran to my door. I found out the next day he was supoosed to get my number but i ruined it for him. Ugh i need to stop


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whoa, take a deep breath... Okay. good.

    Social issues: Sounds like you're doing fine, you'll make mistakes, then learn.. then make more mistakes..

    Now you need to be honest with yourself and take a look at your finances. Look into your living expenses, cost of college, current amount of income and timeline if you're going to make this happen. Can you work the amount of hours required while sustaining enough time to allocate towards studying? While trying to have a social life?

    ^ again, sit down and look at the big picture. What you'll probably find is that it's going to very.. very difficult to do college without financial aid. Look into that. The biggest mistake i've seen during college years is the focus on having fun and getting into debt while taking college courses and not passing // getting quality education.

    That guy you messed up with won't matter after a month... the $15,000 you wasted on tuition, books and not finishing college... will matter for years to come.

    If college isn't for you right now... then just focus on 1 good job that develops skills you may have to fall back on later. You're work 3-4 jobs? i'm assuming these are just non-skill labor positions? They're a waste of time if that's the case.

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    • I babysit for a family, work at a church babysitting, a grocery store, and a restaurant. Im leaving the restaurant bc i haven't been able to move up bc of my availability. I can't work and go to school. Its never been possible for me

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    • Yeah but even if i got financial aid and i had yhe time to go i dont know what to do for my career

    • "Yeah but even if i got financial aid and i had yhe time to go i dont know what to do for my career "

      The big part of college is just problem solving and finding solutions. You don't think there's been a billion people before you standing right in the same spot as you contemplating the same thing? Google "what to do with my life" or "how to choose a career path" and you'll have months of information to read about and choose a direction.

      What's the hardest part about writing an essay?

      - getting started: After that? things start to flow... you tweak certain things and all of a sudden "whoa.. i have a complete essay!"

      I see you (like many of us) standing at square 1 and thinking "this is scary."

Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay girl, first of all chill. By the sounds of it, ur life is going full speed ahead and leaving you behind in the dust. it's great that your're aware of what you're doing and are seeking help. What you need to do is have a sit down drink a hot drink and think about what went wrong. You seem mega stressed out and trying to handle too much at once. Try excersising and getting outdoors, it may seem hard but cut out alcohol and things you know are bad for you. Talk to your family and friends and try to limit going out during the night. Do some yoga and have early nights, eat full meals, read a book and do something that doesn't require stressing u or ur body out. Also try cutting guys out for a while so you can focus on yourself and work. I hope this helps and i wish you all the best of luck in sorting this out :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • Take a few deep breaths and slow down, first of all, what do you want to do with your life? The first few years after high school especially are tough, since it's hard to know what you want out of life without having lived (outside of school) as an adult.

    Sit down with a notebook and pen and write, that's my best advice... What's your 'dream' future look like? What are some little steps you could be taking NOW to get you going in that direction?

    From the sound of your post, you're going 100mph and have no clue where you're going. Living 'in the moment' is great, but there's gotta be a balance, too...

    Don't beat yourself up, either... It's not easy, and sure, cutting back / quitting the drinking and smoking are good ideas and you should totally take that seriously, same with using guys for momentary happiness. But don't beat yourself up.

    Take a break for a few days, do some soul searching to figure out what direction you should be going on (what YOU want, not what other people expect of you), and start inching your way in that direction. Small changes now when your young will make big differences 10+ years down the road.

    Good luck!

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    • Okay so its not bad if im taking a break from school right now? I plan on going back next semester maybe

    • Hey! Not a bad thing at all to take some time off from school. My personal opinion based on my own experience and what I've seen my friends do/not do, is that after high school and before drowning yourself in student debt, you should take a year or two (or four or more if that's what it takes) to live a little in the real world, figure out what direction you want to go in, and THEN worry about school.

      The problem I see with graduating high school and immediately going after a 4 year degree is that since your life until now has pretty much been "School, vacation, school, vacation, school, vacation, etc.", you probably don't have a realistic idea of what you want to spend the rest of your life (or at least a big chunk of it) doing. Parents, teachers, family, friends, etc. all influence you and push you in directions that may not be right for you. Save your money and don't rush it, otherwise you'll end up unhappy and in debt and feel stuck in the wrong career. Take your time and be happy

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