Is it wrong of me to accept drinks in this situation?

So this guy obviously has a thing for me.. and he likes to help me out and buy me drinks and stuff.. To begin with i always said yes, but then i thought about it and realised that this could look bad and for all i know he thinks that i'll like him if he buys me things. So i started saying no when he offered and just kept my distance.

So i was really going to work this staurday, but i wanted to go to this party so i asked him if he knew someone who could work. He didn't know, but offered to ask around for me.. he is having a paty so im assuming he wants me to go to his party.

But i dont know how to feel about it? Am i bad person for doing this? Even when i say no when he wants me to buy me a beer or whatever he insists, i even said "i want you to use your money on yourself", so he said "but by using them on you im using them on myself".. and i never ask for things either.. so i have a hard time feeling bad because of it, i mean he obviously wants to buy me drinks.. and im broke most of the time.. so its hard to say no, epseically if im drunk already


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Most Helpful Guy

  • While I agree with @aficionado I would also like to add something. Aficionado is correct in that at long as you "make clear to him that you won't return any favors in lieu of the drinks", it’s fine IN this case. However, you still need to be very careful that you don't abuse the situation.

    The fact of the matter is, this can very easily go to a "Taking Advantage" situation, and people will notice. While he knows that you are not interested in him, he IS interested in you, so he is buying you drinks because he likes you, even if it is only out of “Friendship”.

    While this never happened to me with a girl, I have had this happen with a male friend. I considered him a really good friend for a long time. However, it seems that he was always broke. Therefore, every so often I would offer to pay for some of the cost of hanging out. After a while this “Friend” began to expect me to pay for him. No matter what we did, I had to foot the bill. I felt very taken advantage of, so I stopped hanging out with him, which hurt his feeling. We both ended up mad at each other.

    If you abuse his wiliness to buy you drink now and then, you will become someone who takes advantage of those around you, even if he knows that you aren’t interested in him.

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    • i see you point, and i get it! But do you still think there is a chance that i can take advantge of him even if i never expect nor ask him to pay for things? Whevener he invites me to his parties i make it clear that i can't go because i broke.. So what he does is offering to pay for drinks and transportation, just so that i can attend... Whenever im not broke i always bring my own stuff, i never expect him to buy me anything.. But i know he is going to do it anyway if that makes sense.. So after a few drinks its hard for me to say no... And all of this happens maybe once every 2 week.. and its normally one 1-2 beers..

      Anyway, im not sure if you can call it taking advatge of anyone if you never ask for anything, or?

    • I am not saying you are taking advantage of him. I'm just saying that you need to be careful.

      Look at it from his side for a second. If ever time you were to invites him somewhere, he says he can't because he is broke, and you have to offer to pay for the drinks to get him to go, very quickly you will start to feel taken advantage of.

      If this is happening once every 2 weeks, then it may or may not be an issue very soon. He may not ever care, or he may start feeling taken advantage of very soon.

      I suggest that instead of telling him how you can't go because you are broke, you come up with another reason. Then keep this to once in a while. However, only you know him, so it may not matter. Again, I'm just saying be careful not to abuse the offer.

    • You could also talk to him about it. After all, if you are worried about it, then you seem to be a nice person who doesn't want to hurt the guys feelings. If you talk to him and tell him you don't want him to feel taken advantage of, he probably will understand. Also, If you tell him it makes you a little worried, then you may be able to work out a better way. You can make sure he tell you how he feels before it become an issue.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Eh, if that's how he wants to spend his money then so be it.

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    • thats also what im thinking lol

What Guys Said 3

  • I think that if a guy offers you a drink you can accept. he shouldn't expect that he is going to buy your affection via booze.

    that said I think it's important not to abuse someone kindness and recognize that perhaps you limit how many drinks you accept or the frequency of accepting them. perhaps he simply likes to buy you drinks and there are no strings attached.

    if you really really want to address the matter you can just address it. or take a somewhat passive aggressive approach by saying something like "I'm so lucky to have a friend who is willing to buy me drinks"... the use of the word friend implying that there is nothing more possible

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  • No it's not wrong of you to accept drinks from him, but also make clear to him that you won't return any favours in lieu of the drinks.

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    • well anyone with a normal IQ know thats drinks dont = sex

      I dont feel like i owe him anything... so unless he tries to get some action i dont see the need to tell him " you ain't getting no V from me", you know?

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    • Well the fact that 50% of the time I dont answer him when he messages me and 50% of the time I answer with one Word should be enough hint if you ask me..

    • In that case, he is either a fool, or has so much money that he has to keep buying you drinks.

  • If you have no interest in ever dating him, you shouldn't accept.

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    • why not?

    • Because it's 'courting' type behavior, and you've already decided he has no chance. Drink don't equal sex, but they are like miniature dates.

    • Bit when he buys me drinks it when we are at a bar with a lot of other people. He never asks me to go out and get a drink. . He Just has a party gives me something to drink and then we go to the bar togheter with a lot of other people where he buys me drinks Sometimes

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