I don't want to fix my boyfriend, but he wants me to fix him. Can I get some advice?

Okay so what I'm about to say is pretty personal, and dare I say triggering to some people (Mentions of self harm, sorry for the warrining but it's just to be polite), so read with caution.

I was on the bus with my boyfriend, we were on the way to hang out at his house, and he decided to open up and show me some of his old self harm scars. Long story short, he told me that those scars came from a past relationship, from when his old girlfriend broke his heart. He told me that he doesn't cut anymore, and that just me being with him was making him better, and that I was fixing him. Maybe that was suposed to be sweet, but all I heard was 'if you leave me I will cut again, and it will be your fault.' I've been freaking out ever sence. I'm 18 years old, and I can't even fix myself, much less another person! What's worse is that I feel trapped now, and I feel like I have an obligation to protect him. But I don't want to. I'm still just a kid, we both are.

Please, help. I'm so scared right now, and I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm sorry if I'm being dramitic, but I could use some advice.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There's nothing wrong with him saying you're helping/fixing him. As long as he doesn't say anything like, "if you leave me I will cut again," I think that you are okay. If he DOES say something like that, leave without feeling guilty of anything, because that's a huge red flag for manipulation.

    But he hasn't said anything like this, at least it doesn't sound like he did. You are just worried that he will cut again if you leave him... but I don't think he will. You make him want to fix himself, and that's a beautiful thing. You aren't fixing him. He is fixing himself because of the positive influence you have on his life. Don't feel pressured by this. He isn't relying on you for his healing, you are just helping him along.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You are no control what someone decides to do with or without you. You just need to be clear that anybody that puts pressure on you in any aspect is wrong and has nothing to do with love. It's almost imprisonment by guilt. You just do you.

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  • I have heard of something similar in the past. To put it blunt its Emotional blackmail. Don't listen to someone who tries that on you. As if he cared he wouldn't threaten that

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  • U should have slapped him n said stop being a little bitch...

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    • True honestly. But when my ex told me he was glad i listened to him bc not even his family would, i felt pressured. I felt like he'd hurt himself if i left him. He didn't really have friends and he was never really someone that people noticed. Everyone noticed his sister. Anywho, i watered his balls and helped him become the man he is. Lmao we broke up over a year ago.

    • @Anjellygirlyeah so this happens a year ago? He needs to learn how to b a man if I can't thn too bad.. survival of the fittest.. some get killed some kill them selves XD

  • You need to be strong and look at the facts. It's not your fault if he cuts himself, that's his responsibility. It wasn't even his ex girlfriend's fault. That's his own choice to cut himself. And if you leave him it's his choice to cut himself again. It's a terrible thing to do to a person, threaten you with self-harm because they know you care about them.

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