I've been denying and compressing a lot of feelings such as having crushes to myself and everyone else. I've been pushing them away for so long and I don't really remember what it's like to feel them anymore. Like today I started feeling something that was foreign and weird and felt new to me about one of my guy friends from school. I started randomly thinking about him throughout the day, the way he gives me dumb ass nicknames, the way he can make laugh, how much he can get on my nerves, how he's not afraid to argue with me and isn't inimatadated by me, how he makes me smile like no one else, how I feel sad and disappointed when he's not on the bus or is sick from school because I realized, I really do like having him around. I remembered the way he always brags to me about hockey, something g we both love, dispite him saying how much he sucks at it but still loves it. I thought of when he got so excited on a Monday on the afternoon bus when he was talking to me about how he scored and got two assists. He got so happy and it was so cute and he was so happy that I was genuinely interested in what he had to say. Today on the bus after school he started to ignore me the last ten minutes and moved back a seat to talk to one of our friends and was asking her advice about girls and crushes giving them letters as code names. He refused to acknowledge me after we were playing a weird free form version of irl COD with our hands as gums and we had to yell at what we were attacking other people with. Do I have a crush on him?
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-You can't stop thinking about them
-You picture dating them or even marrying them or whatever
-You love their presence and talking with them
It sounds like you have a crush on him, but I just kinda know naturally if I have a crush on someone.0