What's the reason people usually can't get over a certain moment in their past?

Say if someone's mind always jumps back to an event in their past whenever they're alone.
How would one stop that? Do they distract themselves with hobbies and friends until it goes away?
Should they really face it and accept it? Should they pretend it doesn't exist and forget it ever happened?

What would be the best way forward?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not sure what you're referring to or how to answer.

    For header question-It affected them so much that it changed who they were. If something altered someone then it is something embedded in their brain as a fear, regret, terrible core memory.

    A way to get over that is to try to see the light and see that that part of the life is done with. And there's so much more to life that what happened in the past.

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    • Honestly it's something that happened to be as a child in this time of year that has always kind of stuck with me. I don't feel comfortable getting into details though.

      You're right I need to distract myself and move forward. Thanks vish.

    • I gotcha. Yea, childhood pains suck, been there, experienced that. But what I do is put the old pain in a box, put that box on a shelf, and I devote myself to new memories and experiences.

      Best.

    • That's a good way of putting it. Thanks again.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think you can willingly get it out of your head that easily. Sometimes things just keep popping into your mind and you can't get them out.

    If it's a significant event, I don't think it's possible to nrver think about it but I think you can prevent it from consuming you. Also as time passes and it's not as fresh, you probably won't think about it as much. I'd recommend rationalizing that it's already happened and you can't change it. Picking up a new hobby or skill could help too.

    Maybe try to find something else to consume your thoughts. Something from the future, lIke set a new goal and let it become your new obsesion to replace the thought od the past.. Obviously it's not ideal to obsess over anything but I think it's better to obsess over the future than the past because you still have some control over it.

    It's easier said than done. Finding motivation to actually follow through is hard :/

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    • Thanks for the advice. I need to look at new hobbies to consume my time.

What Girls Said 10

  • By acknowledging the fact that obsessing over it isn't going to make it go away. I used to obsess over things I did in the past, but here's the thing: I can't change it. I can only move on from it by accepting that no matter how much I stress myself out over it, it happened. Tough titties, time to be a better person for it going forward.

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    • Also people obsess over such things because we live in a world where we are conditioned by shame culture and encouraged to meet a particular set of social standards, so most of us grow with self-criticizing attitudes.

    • Thank you. This is really helpful.

    • Not a problem.

  • The best way would probably be to accept it, remember it, and get all your feelings about it worked through.

    Personally, I'm BIG on nostalgia and remembering the past. A lot of times it makes me sad more than it makes me happy. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. I like being someone who can remember things that have happened, even if remembering doesn't make me the happiest.

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    • Yeah but I remember a specific thing too much around this time of year. If it was something that was random that I recalled every now and then it wouldn't be a big deal. I think it's good to be introspective too.

      Thanks for the advice.

  • Somethings you just can't help but remember even if you have accepted it. What works for me is imagining that I am a new person, and that memory belonged to someone else.

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  • I tried burying mine with sex and drowning it with alcohol.

    But.. I think that just compounded and amplified it.

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  • I think its time to see a thearpist.

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    • I don't know if I'd go that far lol

    • Show All
    • I guess so... unless my only worth is gaging i doubt... but its okay... i am still going to see one.

    • That's good!

  • because there are 'what ifs' that are stuck in your head...

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  • tell yourself so many times that you forgot and moved on
    keep telling yourself that
    and oneday you will believe that
    and you will get over any thing !!

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  • usually because something really bad happened and they can't get over it.

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  • Depends is it a good memory or bad?

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  • maybe because it made a big impact on them

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What Guys Said 4

  • Some moments are too traumatic for people to handle without professional help and/or a ton of emotional support, and sometimes, not even then...

    We should think twice before blaming people for not being able to handle something their upbringing hasn't prepared them for.

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  • Yeah, Just face it and accept it and deal with it i guess.

    It happened... Gotta live with it.

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    • That's true. How do you get over lingering and open ended questions from the situation? Just get comfortable with letting them go?

    • Its kind of hard to give you an answer when i know nothing about it, Perhaps if you had an example of whats happening mate?

    • Eh sorry I wish I could but it's kind of too personal. Thanks for the help though.

  • It probably effected their life in a negative life changing way.

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  • I tried, but it always comes up again: abuse, betrayal, neglect.

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