How do you usually make friends in college?

Honestly I have the same friends that I've had since elementary school for the most part. Since my friends are all getting married and have kids, I need to meet new people to get my fill of social interaction. My friends are too busy to hang like they used to be able to. I haven't really had to make new friends in quite a long time. I haven't really had much of an interest in it until recently either. Anyway how does one meet new people and have it lead to a friendship? I joined the engineering club but nothing really has come of that besides casual conversations with a couple of people I've had classes with. The people I have got closer with only want to hang to get drunk or high on the weekends and I don't enjoy either of those things so we kind of grew apart. Is that what adult friendships are for the most part? Getting wasted when you finally find free time? Maybe that's just college life for the most part..

I guess I'm kind of sick of always sitting alone and going through classes and activities alone. This may come to some as a shock on here but I'm not nearly as popular in real life as I am on this website. I'm beginning to really think I may be pretty intimidating to people. I get approached quite often by people when I'm sitting alone but it never really leads to anything and then they say "sorry for bothering you" or something along those lines. Maybe I come off kind of cold, distant, and reserved? I've been trying to refine my techniques between interactions but it hasn't been very fruitful.

I would greatly appreciate any advice that you could give me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • So, back when I started my first year of the school I go to now, the first day was basically like... orientation I guess. After reporting my attendance to the tutors, I turned around and saw this girl sitting alone at a table. In my mind, I just thought something along the lines of "YOU. YOU WILL BE MY BESTIE FOR THE NEXT 4 YEARS."
    I sat down in front of her, introduced myself and just started asking questions. Our squad slowly started forming within the next couple of weeks, and now it consists of 7 girls (myself included). I just talk to people. There's really not much else to it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would say that the difficulties of finding friends in college come because repeated exposure (like in high school) isn't really pushed. It is easy to coast along college solo.

    I found two ways to find friends: Classes and clubs.

    1.) Classes: Honestly, finding decent friends in classes takes quite a bit of luck. There is a possibility that you get (idk a good word for it) friendzoned to a certain level of friendship. Rather, you two become good classmates that are more so just familiar faces. To get past that "stage" into a closer friendship, you are going to need to establish bonding time outside of class. Setting up a way to communication is a good first step. Ask for their number. If it seems too intimidating to ask for it straight out, just ask for it and give a reason like "do you want to study later tonight for ____?" Then you can study with them, and if you get an idea of their personality and like it, you can set up times to hang out.
    There is always a risk that they may not have compatible personalities (like they may be more of a party person) but it is just a risk to accept.
    The classmate friends that I've had in the past actually came from similar interest, not school stuff.
    Finding your similarities in only school stuff makes a good study buddy. Finding similarities in goals and dreams and passions makes a friend.

    2.) Clubs: This requires less luck but more persistance. Find a club that you have a passion for. Similar passions can lead to quality friends. For me personally, I went to a music club (since I like music) and found someone who also liked music. We decided we wanted to play more music so we hung out outside of the club and jammed more. Then we found more people who wanted to jam more and invited them. Again, you want to establish a friendship outside of the club too via communication.
    A lot of finding friends in clubs coming from interacting and seeing them (repeated exposure). I didn't really become friends with the one dude until we went to the same club enough times where we started to recognize each other.

    -------
    The main idea is-- you want to set up a way to communicate outside of your activity. And then you want to continue working on the friendship by hanging out or whatever. What kills friendships from forming is just accepting that "Oh, he's a dude in my class/club" and no one ever initiates anything. Chances are a person would hang out with the other person if they were actually asked.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Back when I was first year, most new people I befriended at uni were in my classes. If they seemed pretty nice from interactions I'd see them have with other classmates or the prof and otherwise seemed like they'd mesh well with me, I'd usually chat them up before an exam or assignment. Asking lots of questions like if they'd started studying yet, from the textbook/notes, how they did a certain part of the assignment, etc.. I found asking questions helps a lot because once you've mustered up the courage to approach them, it's nice to leave the ball in their court for a bit to carry on the conversation.

    Admittedly I did meet a lot more people in my first or second year than now. I still meet some now but usually ones I lose touch with after the semester's over. I think as you get older, everyone's just more into their own thing. Spending more time working, with their s/o (guilty :/ ), or friends they still have from high school.

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    • Yeah unfortunately that's what it seems like to me.. All the "friends" I meet are temporary and as soon as the classes are over they're gone. I wish people were more outgoing and interested in having more long term friendships. I'm not into casual things that just end. I'm more of an all or nothing kind of guy lol

      Thanks for the advice. I'll try to put it into practice.

    • ah yeah well truth be told, most are lasting one semester only because by that point, I've gotten to know them well enough to get a better idea of how much I'd be willing to stay in touch with 'em.

      If you like someone and want to stay in touch, why don't you just invite them out for sushi, coffee or something? Find a restaurant you guys both like and then make that a semi-regular tradition type thing. Not sure if that would work for guys but that's sort of what I generally end up doing. :P

    • lol guys don't typically ask each other out on dinner dates. I might be sending off the wrong signals if I do that.. :p

      I see what you're driving at though.

  • friendship is a pretty transient thing...

    I have my good friends from high school.. but, most of those have moved away.. or have gotten engaged...

    most my friendships now.. are co-workers.. roommates.. and the circles of people that float around them... so.. as people pass out of my life.. (people change jobs, room mates move.. people break up) the people in the floating circles change.

    Sometimes.. one of these transient friends.. will cross over and become a good friend.. but.. you never know who are when...

    Just keep keep the circles floating and see what happens..

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  • Yea, guys how?

    Beats me.

    I've made 0 long lasting friends since starting college. It's different class friends each semester. I feel like everything is fake, and I'm not interesting :/ Depending on the class it's-Go to class, say hey, maybe chat and laugh, no outside activities. Or go to class, learn, leave.

    The only reason I have someone to go to events with and talk to everyday is because my highschool friend is my roommate.

    I'm a junior for Christ's sake. Yea, I transferred my sophomore year, but what gives :/ Screw you guys anyway

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  • I'm a loner in college for the most part but the friends I have made are the people I live with (I live in a dorm house) and my RA's friends who usually come over to hang out or watch tv with me Thursday nights (which they just started doing to include me). Other than that I would try going to different events the school offers.

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  • Copy pasting my answer to a similar question:

    Meh, I only have a few good friends as well. The friends who invite me to places or to hang out, don't really care as much about me as my few good friends.

    What I mean is that it's alright if you only have a few friends, if you are bored however, I would befriend someone work, school or my neighborhood. I actually met one friend because I would go walking in my neighborhood everyday. Everyone knows me here now.

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  • I dont have many friends in my faculty
    but my few friends are amazing they are peacful, polite , kind and nice
    and they are from many countries
    some of them I met them online in global peace pages
    and some of them met them in the tourists places in Egypt ( my country)
    about My Egyptian friends I already have few friends but we have very strong friendship
    like brothers and sisters
    and im very happy to have them in my life
    having friends from different cultures and relgions is just wow
    that teaches me to never judge and to belive all places have good and bad people
    so I would never be racist and anyone can be my friend as long as they are kind :)

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  • I am in my second friends and the friends I made from last semester left... I want try some clubs so that i can make some friends and have something in common with or try what i am about to try which is volunteering.

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    • volunteering seems like a good thing :)

    • Show All
    • You can do it!

    • so can you!

  • Bring puppies and/or kittens with you everywhere. If you can get the kittens and/or puppies to trust you. ;p

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    • Damn that sounds like heaps more work than I ever expected lol

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    • I mean puppies and kittens provide ample amounts of laughter. But yeah the whole talking thing, you got me there.

    • It would be amazing to have a talking cat or dog though... haha

  • I don't know, people just talk to me and I respond in a friendly way and tadaaa lol

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  • hmm you should see who's alone in your class so you get to spend a lot of time with them... and try to talk with them and if you don't like their personality just go to the next person until you find someone!

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  • One thing I learns is you don't choose friends. Friends comes and you just be with them whether you like them or not.

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What Guys Said 7

  • 1) I didn't make friends with my original roommate

    2) I'm probably best friends with my current roommate, cause for some reason we started hanging out on orientation weekend and we went to the Farmer's Market... pretty odd now that I think about it. Then I met his original roommate. Then after a while they had too much conflict so his roommate left, and I moved in there.

    3) There's a girl in my Spanish and education class, and we happened to sit next to each other in both classes (well at first one empty chair between us), and she decided to move over to the chair right next to me in education, and we happened to click, and it was all systems go from there. Our education teacher thought we'd known each other for a long time.

    Everyone in my writing class are acquaintances with each other because we went through orientation as a group. And one of the guys went to a party with me that weekend, and we got super drunk for the first time, so of course we're friends after that.

    I'm also friends with my current dorm neighbor, and the half of my Spanish class closest to me are all at least acquaintances with me.

    I have fewer friends than in high school but I don't really mind.

    You basically make friends in class, and maybe with/through your roommate. I think most people I know go eat with their roommate.

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    • I commute to school so I don't have a roommate. Yeah I guess I just have to keep trying around my classes and stuff. I'm sure I'll have some success.

    • Yeah I didn't read your whole post but after I submitted I figured you probably commute.
      You might be able to make friends with commuters... they have a commuter lounge at my university.

      Yeah just talk to classmates and plan study groups and stuff.

    • Thanks bro.

  • Make comments and be interesting.

    I had to give a jillion presentations. Classmates came to me and talked to me afterwards. In ASL class, we had to do a dialogue where one person needed assistance and the other had to give directions. I signed, "I'm dying!" and the class thought that was hilarious. Volunteer first for everything. Sometimes I walked up to the podium before the teacher acknowledged I volunteered first. This fooled people into thinking I was more confident than I really was. It's a bit daring, I know, but somehow I pulled it off. People started asking for my advice and opinions.

    Make remarks about the lectures to other students. Be funny if you can. People eat that shit up. Ask for opinions or even a "Did you get that? " every now and then. When you hear another student say that, speak up. I made acquaintances that way that I am sure would have become friends if I pushed it (some did become friends). Volunteer notes if you can. Don't do it for students who are habitually lazy. Do it for people who need and deserve help.

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  • i was very lucky and was set up with roommates my freshman year who ultimately became some of my best friends (and still are)

    otherwise i met people through other friends, parties, classes, or people who lived nearby

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  • Try to be at ease and friendly when you're talking to people. But to be honest, all the "friends" I've made in college haven't lasted long. Maybe it's just where I live but the people here are really flaky. I keep meeting new people all the time but I'm getting tired of the same, little dance with nothing to show for it honestly. So while you should try, don't expect anything. Just go with the flow and accept that what happens happens.

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    • Yeah that's what it feels like to me too.. It's like casual flings but with friends lol

    • I totally get where you're coming from. I've found peace accepting that the people I meet will keep cycling through. But I don't let it hold me back from doing the things I want or enjoy. My only real advice is not to let it trouble you and just enjoy life as much as you can.

    • That's true. Thanks for that.

  • Usually from your classes, and in common area like the coffee kiosk and study areas.

    The key is to be very extroverted, make small talk with lots of different ppl! :-D

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    • This is really good advice. Thank you!

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    • That makes a lot of sense. Thanks bro.

    • 👍🏾

  • I only got like 4 new friends in college aha

    everyone else is just staring at their phone sitting down somewhere with headphones

    I'm not gunna even bother

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  • I don't lol 😂 The only friends I talk to are the two I met in 1st grade

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