Honestly I have the same friends that I've had since elementary school for the most part. Since my friends are all getting married and have kids, I need to meet new people to get my fill of social interaction. My friends are too busy to hang like they used to be able to. I haven't really had to make new friends in quite a long time. I haven't really had much of an interest in it until recently either. Anyway how does one meet new people and have it lead to a friendship? I joined the engineering club but nothing really has come of that besides casual conversations with a couple of people I've had classes with. The people I have got closer with only want to hang to get drunk or high on the weekends and I don't enjoy either of those things so we kind of grew apart. Is that what adult friendships are for the most part? Getting wasted when you finally find free time? Maybe that's just college life for the most part..
I guess I'm kind of sick of always sitting alone and going through classes and activities alone. This may come to some as a shock on here but I'm not nearly as popular in real life as I am on this website. I'm beginning to really think I may be pretty intimidating to people. I get approached quite often by people when I'm sitting alone but it never really leads to anything and then they say "sorry for bothering you" or something along those lines. Maybe I come off kind of cold, distant, and reserved? I've been trying to refine my techniques between interactions but it hasn't been very fruitful.
I would greatly appreciate any advice that you could give me.
Most Helpful Girl
So, back when I started my first year of the school I go to now, the first day was basically like... orientation I guess. After reporting my attendance to the tutors, I turned around and saw this girl sitting alone at a table. In my mind, I just thought something along the lines of "YOU. YOU WILL BE MY BESTIE FOR THE NEXT 4 YEARS."
I sat down in front of her, introduced myself and just started asking questions. Our squad slowly started forming within the next couple of weeks, and now it consists of 7 girls (myself included). I just talk to people. There's really not much else to it.1
Most Helpful Guy
I would say that the difficulties of finding friends in college come because repeated exposure (like in high school) isn't really pushed. It is easy to coast along college solo.
I found two ways to find friends: Classes and clubs.
1.) Classes: Honestly, finding decent friends in classes takes quite a bit of luck. There is a possibility that you get (idk a good word for it) friendzoned to a certain level of friendship. Rather, you two become good classmates that are more so just familiar faces. To get past that "stage" into a closer friendship, you are going to need to establish bonding time outside of class. Setting up a way to communication is a good first step. Ask for their number. If it seems too intimidating to ask for it straight out, just ask for it and give a reason like "do you want to study later tonight for ____?" Then you can study with them, and if you get an idea of their personality and like it, you can set up times to hang out.
There is always a risk that they may not have compatible personalities (like they may be more of a party person) but it is just a risk to accept.
The classmate friends that I've had in the past actually came from similar interest, not school stuff.
Finding your similarities in only school stuff makes a good study buddy. Finding similarities in goals and dreams and passions makes a friend.
2.) Clubs: This requires less luck but more persistance. Find a club that you have a passion for. Similar passions can lead to quality friends. For me personally, I went to a music club (since I like music) and found someone who also liked music. We decided we wanted to play more music so we hung out outside of the club and jammed more. Then we found more people who wanted to jam more and invited them. Again, you want to establish a friendship outside of the club too via communication.
A lot of finding friends in clubs coming from interacting and seeing them (repeated exposure). I didn't really become friends with the one dude until we went to the same club enough times where we started to recognize each other.
The main idea is-- you want to set up a way to communicate outside of your activity. And then you want to continue working on the friendship by hanging out or whatever. What kills friendships from forming is just accepting that "Oh, he's a dude in my class/club" and no one ever initiates anything. Chances are a person would hang out with the other person if they were actually asked.1