Please take me seriously on this. I need to say this somewhere even if nobody sees it. This is not some teenage angst. I'm in my early 20s. I have no friends and no real social life. I still live at home with my mom, who I don't have the best relationship with. I hardly know my father. I go to college online. I've never really had friends to be honest and I've never been in a romantic relationship. The only place I actually communicate with people is at my full time job. I have very low self esteem about both my appearance and personality. I'm awkward and shy. All of this gives me major anxiety, especially social anxiety. And the truth is, I'm very lonely. It's to the point where I sit at home imaginging different scenarios where I'm living life as as somebody else and have somebody to talk to. I yearn for an adult figure in my life that I can just hang out with and love and to be loved back. I feel pathetic.
I've told my mom about all of this and she never takes me seriously. She tells me to just shut up and do something about it. I don't know what to do. It feels like there is no solution. I can't do anything without feeling better, and I can't feel better without doing something. It feels impossible in this skin I am in. I am so disgusted about myself to even try and get any type of help. Besides, there's nobody to go to. Counselors are expensive and seem useless to me. I don't want to go to a hospital because I'm not in immediate danger. I don't need to be locked up for my mental health.
I go home every day and cry myself to sleep when I get home from work. When I'm not at work, I sit in bed all day by myself, sometimes not getting up for hours. Nobody knows about this except my mom. I think about killing myself because I am almost so desperate to end the negative feelings towards myself and towards life. I want to stop being depressed and stop being alone. I want things I can't have like a family, better looks, to feel something other than anger and sadness, acceptance by others, and most importantly... acceptance of myself. I feel so alone in this, espcially when crying in bed at night. I want to talk to somebody about it, but nobody is here. I'm alone...
Most Helpful Guy
You are not alone. I know how it is to sink deep into that darkness. I have been in a state before where I could actually feel nothing. I am here though to tell you that there are people out there who care about you. Believe it or not I do. I care about your life for you Do have so much to live for. Every human on this planet can accomplish so much and you are no acception. You can have everything that you said you wanted. Now the best solution to your sadness is to find some friends whether it be online or not to lift you up and believe in you. That is what has helped me the most. To just get on my ps4 and play some games and laugh. Laughter is the best medication for depression. I know it may seem so hard, but it is not. Please hang in there and don't give up. I know how much easier it may seem to just give up, but don't. Don't let your depression win. You can and will overcome all. If you need to talk or anything I am here. Just let me know. Even if it is just getting some stuff out.0