Secretly severely depressed? What to do when it feels like there is no solution?

Please take me seriously on this. I need to say this somewhere even if nobody sees it. This is not some teenage angst. I'm in my early 20s. I have no friends and no real social life. I still live at home with my mom, who I don't have the best relationship with. I hardly know my father. I go to college online. I've never really had friends to be honest and I've never been in a romantic relationship. The only place I actually communicate with people is at my full time job. I have very low self esteem about both my appearance and personality. I'm awkward and shy. All of this gives me major anxiety, especially social anxiety. And the truth is, I'm very lonely. It's to the point where I sit at home imaginging different scenarios where I'm living life as as somebody else and have somebody to talk to. I yearn for an adult figure in my life that I can just hang out with and love and to be loved back. I feel pathetic.

I've told my mom about all of this and she never takes me seriously. She tells me to just shut up and do something about it. I don't know what to do. It feels like there is no solution. I can't do anything without feeling better, and I can't feel better without doing something. It feels impossible in this skin I am in. I am so disgusted about myself to even try and get any type of help. Besides, there's nobody to go to. Counselors are expensive and seem useless to me. I don't want to go to a hospital because I'm not in immediate danger. I don't need to be locked up for my mental health.

I go home every day and cry myself to sleep when I get home from work. When I'm not at work, I sit in bed all day by myself, sometimes not getting up for hours. Nobody knows about this except my mom. I think about killing myself because I am almost so desperate to end the negative feelings towards myself and towards life. I want to stop being depressed and stop being alone. I want things I can't have like a family, better looks, to feel something other than anger and sadness, acceptance by others, and most importantly... acceptance of myself. I feel so alone in this, espcially when crying in bed at night. I want to talk to somebody about it, but nobody is here. I'm alone...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are not alone. I know how it is to sink deep into that darkness. I have been in a state before where I could actually feel nothing. I am here though to tell you that there are people out there who care about you. Believe it or not I do. I care about your life for you Do have so much to live for. Every human on this planet can accomplish so much and you are no acception. You can have everything that you said you wanted. Now the best solution to your sadness is to find some friends whether it be online or not to lift you up and believe in you. That is what has helped me the most. To just get on my ps4 and play some games and laugh. Laughter is the best medication for depression. I know it may seem so hard, but it is not. Please hang in there and don't give up. I know how much easier it may seem to just give up, but don't. Don't let your depression win. You can and will overcome all. If you need to talk or anything I am here. Just let me know. Even if it is just getting some stuff out.

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    • Hi, thanks for taking the time to write that. I've tried to make online friends, but it just isn't the same as real life friends, you know? I've been in chat rooms because I was so desperate for socialization and most were just looking for a hookup. i often play video games for hours on end to escape life. Making friends just seems to be so easy for others

    • I know it may seem that it is easy for everyone, but it isn't. It took quite a bit of time before I got the online friends I have. You just got too keep at it, and I know it isn't always the same as actually seein one on one. As well I know that escapism all too well. Went through that phase myself. Went through another where all I wanted to do was sleep. My most productive one was recently. All I wanted to do was go to work to get my mind off of things. Just keep your chin up and keep on trucking. It gets better late on. It may take its time but boy is it worth it.

    • Thanks for the mho!

What Guys Said 2

  • Why don't u get some online friends there are so many cool people out there from all around the globe who take friendships seriously
    As for your depression well its one of the side effects of being lonely so once u get friends you'll get rid of that

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  • Okay, I do know what this feels like.
    I have had major depressive disorder since I was a child. i know what its like to slowly to start to feel numb, and when you can feel anything all you can is anger or sadness. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
    okay first things first have you seen a therapist before.

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    • I'm sorry you know what it feels like. I've been like this since I was kid too. It keeps getting worse. I haven't seen a therapist. It's so expensive and I don't even think it would work. I used to get sent to counselors at school when i was a really young kid and I hated it. I'm also afraid of talking to people I don't know and I have a hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings into words.

    • Okay, Do you like to write. I want to write for a living and it always helps to write. Not just like a journal either, try short fiction.
      Second, I really do know its hard but you might look for groups of people you share interests with I've got Aspergers and I know it's hard to try to expand your social circle but trying will often help. I know its helped me

What Girls Said 1

  • Hey girl,
    I am in years reading you , I find it very revolting the way you feel , especially because it is not your fault.. I often think how hard it must be to be born into the internet years.
    Your génération is disconnected with one another. mine is trying to keep it up but already even us have only mémoires. Of hanging with each other without mobile phone or internet. our chat room was à bench in à park , or activities together. nowadays it is very fucked up. you are not alone , your génération suffer à great deal of this situation, the digital world is going to split in the next 20 years , I prédicat that. people need people , physically , human loves to do thing together. it is not proper the way relationship goes.
    I am not conservative hein , I am just à woman who remember how life was happier before fb , chatrooms and so on.

    Girl , I feel you , you are One beautiful person , I can already tell. dont even think about suicide my dear , life seems awful now but you are at the very beginning of your potentiel , and you got some , because you are aware that your life does not mais you happy. it is an l'observation you dont have to leave it like that. you change it.
    Your muml sucks? Leave ! In doubts Travel , Travel.. :you will meet people like you , lost and wanting connection. you work. save money and go ! Most countries are sage , go in Asia , go ! You will get self confidence , you will meet people that are alone too and will make friendship with you , girl dont let you down you have so much more in your pocket. yeah you are shy and ackward , the good news is that someone and some people will love this exactly. embrace yourself. force you , at first you will have to force yourself hard ! Force it , even in doubt... you will draw something step by step.
    Girl you have one tiny life , you are anyway not immortal
    Please read ' woman who run with the wolf ' you are not anormal you are just not aware yet of all your treasure inside. your look is the easiest part to change , you can change it if you want , this is the easiest , hot look does not make it all. Most of hot woman are desperatly alone , believe me. look is nothing. being happy will being joy to your eyes and you will be beautiful.
    Trust yourself 20yo is à difficult passage , the worst , after it gets berger I promise !!! I had ashitty twenties too :) stay on board , you are just at the beginning of your own book. please believe it. you are a beautiful , I know it.

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