Being nice to a person you don't like - is that fake or just polite?

There's a new girl at my workplace and as soon as she started, she was very quick to rub everybody the wrong way. She's loud, she has an attitude, she's quick to snap at people (even customers), and she's constantly trying to get out of doing her work. She exasperates me just like she does everyone else, but I'm one of the only people she gets along with because I'm nice to her.

Am I wrong for being nice when in reality I don't like her?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's very fake in my opinion. Maybe tell her in a calm and not condescending tone how she is messing up with your co workers. Offer to keep an eye on her and warn her in advance.
    She might not even notice her bad behavior- constant bad behavior has a reason.

    However, in my case, you have to do a lot before I dislike you.

    Everybody makes mistakes after all and how are new people supposed to know how I will react at the very beginning of interacting with me?

    General politeness opens doors however and this is never bad or fake.
    I for example usually hold doors open for the people behind me and I get interactions from this with new people often.

    My experience: I "had" a female friend kind of when I was 16 - I thought she was just leading me on, although she really liked me (My self-esteem was too low to believe it back then), I quit all contact with her when I was 18 because I thought her friendliness to me was just fake - it was not. I was kind of a misfit in 10th grade, but she made the effort to get to know me and talk to me - I thought : If no one else talks to me, she must be tricking me - she was not. Ages 16 to 18 were the darkest times of my life.

    I am so glad I got back in touch with her this year in summer. She is 100 % real and not fake at all !

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No it's called taking the high road. If I were to act rude, fight, or just go out and say I don't like people I would have 1,000 enemies.

    It's better to be the bigger person than to stoop down to her level. If you don't like someone or they don't like you fine but you should at least respect each other.

    If that's not possible and everyone is having a problem with her why hasn't anyone/all of you reported her? I'm sure your boss/manager has winessed her rude behavior and laziness.

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    • Yes, the managers have talked to her several times.

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    • Well do you know of anyone else that has worked there that has been fired? I just ask because maybe the boss just doesn't have the heart to fired people.

    • Hmm, maybe. I know people here have been fired for much less before, but that was a different manager doing it.

What Guys Said 13

  • She may have good qualities.. just not the ones she needs where you are working. You only see one side of her at work, and you don't know the pressures she may be under in the rest of her life that make her quick to get angry..

    So being nice to her is not so fake. You might discover that there are sides of her you haven't seen yet that are wonderful.. or she might have good reasons you do't know yet to behave as she does.

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  • i think it's both polite and fake

    it's polite because there is no reason to treat someone poorly, even when you don't like them... it's isn't fake politeness though

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  • Flip it around. Say you were doing something other people didn't like. Would you want them to fake as though they liked you even though they didn't... or would you rather them be real with you and tell you why you are getting on their nerves so you could fix the problem and get some sincere admiration from them later on?

    I think you are doing this annoying girl a disservice by acting nice to her when she is not compatible with social situations. You are adding to the problem instead of helping fix it.

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    • She gets defensive every time she is criticized. The managers have talked to her several times about it and no improvement.

  • I don't think so. There's nothing wrong with treating someone well while not thinking they're a great person. As long as you don't tell her that her behaviour is great and that other people are in the wrong, then I don't see how it's hypocrisy.

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    • Yeah I wouldn't lie to her if she asked (at least I hope I wouldn't.. I'm very non confrontational you see). I just act friendly to her because I'm a naturally friendly person. I'm pretty sure my coworkers know that, since I've worked there quite a while and they know I'm (in their words) a "sweetheart." But the other day, my coworker sarcastically referred to the new girl as my friend i. e. "Hey [my name], your friend forgot her food here." And I was sorta like whoa there lol. She's not my friend.

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    • I mean, I'm sure she already knows. Maybe it'd sound better coming from me (rather than my coworkers continuing to be short with her) but I doubt it. My managers have spoken to her multiple times about it (and my managers are very polite and professional) and there's no improvement. And whenever a customer complains about her, she'll lie to the manager about what really happened.

      She just seems like someone who's always going to blame someone else for her problems. But if I see an opportunity, I'll consider bringing it up to her.

    • It's not your job of course. I think it's important not to get involved in another's mess for no good reason when they don't even want to improve either.

  • I suppose you can still be polite to someone even if you don't like them. However, have you talked to this coworker of yours and see if there's a way to adjust her attitude? As a last resort, I guess I would let your supervisor or manager know about this. She doesn't need to be fired right away. She just needs to adjust herself. If she's not willing to do that, then she should be let go.

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    • The managers have talked to get multiple times about it.

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    • Yeah I truthfully don't think she'll last very long here. She's only worked with us for a couple weeks now and she's had at least two customer complaints. She got written up the other day for lying to the manager about what "really" happened one of those times.

    • I guess your managers should be let go, too. I know this economy is still bad, but there's no reason to keep a bad employee.

  • Social politics are a VERY important part to making it well in life. One cannot wear their emotions about EVERYONE on their sleeve in a shameless way.

    Nothing wrong with being nice to her for socially politic's sake.

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  • it's just a mindset and way of life i think. who said we should hold grudges? who said we should be vegenful, bitter and cunning and return the bad that was done on us? who makes these rules? society? you can choose to adopt the completely opposite mindset and even learn to genuinely love your enemy and never be insulted and butthurt. whats butthurtness after all? its just hurt pride... .

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    • everyone is good to those who love them and treat them well. the real good person is shown when he loves the hard to cope with people. your problem is not that you are kind with her but that you need to fake it.

    • I'm a naturally kind and patient person. That's why I'm nice even though I don't particularly care for the girl lol. I'm not trying to be fake; that's just my personality.

    • then show her some genuine love. try to see the good in her. how will she see the good in herelf when even her surroundings dont believe it?

  • I think it's fake only if you go out of your way to be nice to her. Being civil and polite should be standard operating procedure for dealing with anyone, whether you dislike them or not.

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  • Being polite is being polite.

    Nice probably goes beyond polite. If you're acting like you really like her, it's probably a bit fake at some point. If you're just friendly and civil that's being polite.

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  • I am nice to people whose presence disgust me aswell but only for a short time. If the people can't reflect that I feel like a buttlicker

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  • Its being fake but at works its understandable

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  • No. It means you have a decent soul. It's good to see.

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  • If you two get along fine, then what's bad about being nice?

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    • I really don't like her. She's rather exasperating to be around. But I'm just excessively patient and I don't have it in me to be unpleasant to her.

    • I gotcha now. Thing is you all work together. I dunno what you do for work but still gotta maintain being professional. Mangers like that if your a me to play well with others.

      Not to mention being well liked might get you moved up

    • Sorry for my poor grammar. Mangers like is if you play well with others.

What Girls Said 8

  • No, you're being professional.
    Do you know how many times I had to do the same thing?

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    • If this were under a different circumstance then I would say "yes".

    • Well I'm just nice to everyone haha. I can't be rude if I tried. If anything, I just stay quiet around someone I don't like.

    • Yea, well don't worry about it. I think you're far from take.

  • I would say considering you have to work together it's the right thing to do. It's not being fake, it's putting your dislike behind you for the sake of work.

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  • its just manners.

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  • It's polite. Being fake is when you actually try to act like you're friends, cozy up to her and then talk about her behind her back. So don't be deceptive. But just being nice/civil? That's polite and professional, and it's good that you do it!

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  • No you are not wrong. In my opinion not liking someone is not a good enough basis for not being kind to them. Of course you wouldn't treat her the same way you do people you like but being civil is being a good human being, not being fake.

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  • It's polite not to say rude things to someone. But you don't have to go out of your way to be nice to her.

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    • See, I don't know what going out of my way means, haha. I'm a naturally nice and friendly person, so it doesn't feel like I'm going out of my way for anything.

  • I would say it's just being polite.

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  • Keep the peace.

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