I'm turning 27 and I've never had the confidence to pursue a girl. Am I a pathetic loser?

  • You're a pathetic loser
    19% (4)36% (10)29% (14)Vote
  • It's okay
    81% (17)54% (15)65% (32)Vote
  • answers
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There;s nothing wrong with that. Perhaps you need to seek different alternatives to finding a mate.

    For instance, you can pursue online dating. It's not the same as going up to a woman at a bar, but you're on a computer. There's sites like shydating. org that you can join which will let you be around people who are similar to you.

    You can also use a wingman. Whenever you're out, have a guy/girl friend chat up the woman you'd like to talk to and see if they're interested (I always like doing this. It's so fun).

    Another thing would be utilizing liquid courage. Although I'm not a fan of you (or anyone) drinking themselves to oblivion or getting cirrhosis, taking a couple of shots might warm your belly and lower your inhibitions enough to allow you to pursue the woman.

    You could gain confidence as well. That can be done in many ways: rationalizing that your fear of rejection is irrational, many people get rejected, and that it's not the end of the world. Or if it's a negative self-perception of yourself (like you're hefty, you think you're unattractive or more), eradicate or find a solution to them so it does not impede your progress in pursuing a woman.

    I caution that you do NOT fall into the self-fulfilling prophecy that a lot of people do. For instance, let's say that you feel like a loser for not being able to obtain a woman. You gain a modicum of confidence to approach a woman, she's a bitch and destroys your self-esteem, and that experience reiterates that you're a loser.

    ... Not true, This is a VICIOUS cycle that MANY people are stuck revolving in. You need to break yourself out of this negativity. I would start with refraining from calling yourself anything negative and combating any harmful thought with a positive realistic one.

    In all, you're not a loser or pathetic. There are many women who actually prefer shy guys or guys who lack confidence to not approach a woman (many on here have said so) and many who will approach you. Times are changing and gender roles aren't rigid anymore just like many social customs. It's becoming a time where wo/men can approach wo/men and pay for dates. (Still depends on the individual of course).

    ^_^

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    • It's no different if I do it online or not. I'm not that shy. I simply don't think I'm good enough or worthy for someone, that's why I've never pursued anyone. I can't seem to able to shake these thoughts

    • Then it's your self-perception. You need to fix that as I'm sure you know. One way is to get to the root of WHY you feel like you're not good enough and find solutions to fix these problems. When the problems are fixed, you're not going to feel that way anymore.

Most Helpful Guy

  • No, you're not a pathetic loser. You aren't breaking the law, or hurting someone intentionally.

    I have had girlfriends in the past, but that's because the girls approached me themselves. Otherwise, I too would have probably never had a girlfriend until now. But I don't consider myself a 'loser'. Pursuing or not pursing women doesn't make someone a winner or a loser.

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What Girls Said 5

  • No that doesn't make you a loser at all. What do you think is holding you back? Are you shy? Self conscious about something physical? Bad experience?

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    • I don't know what it is, maybe a combination of things. Even if a girl straight up told me she liked me, I would still reject the relationship. I just don't think I deserve a girl, I'm not good enough or worthy or attractive enough. I refuse to accept that someone can like me

  • you're not a loser maybe you simply didn't have the opportunity to do so

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  • Hey I'm 20 and never had any relationship with guys ever, lol ur not the only one... u'll find that one blooming rose in ur life ;)

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  • You are far from being a pathetic loser. You just need more self confidence.

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  • Honestly you could just be asexual it's not a huge problem its just the way you are :)

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What Guys Said 8

  • Pathetic loser is very harsh. But you do need to realize that you are headed down for a very lonely road, you need to get out of your comfort zone and pursue goals ASAP.

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  • Yes buddy, you are. Get help. Don't listen to poeple here, all they're trying to do is to make you feel better. But guess what, feeling better won't get you anywhere. Get up, and get help.

    Force yourself to walk through the cactus field to reach the green plains.

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  • Well technically you are just lacking social skills. Labelling it with antagonistic remarks won't be constructive.

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  • obviously this is a problem for you or you wouldn't be asking. Don't worry what everyone thinks. everyone deserves to try and find the right person to make them happy. you need to let go of the feeling that you aren't worthy enough. That just isn't true about anyone.

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  • It's okay, but try working on it though ^^
    they are just people

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  • I can't believe more than a quater of people thought you were one, im 28 and im in the same situation as you.

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  • You lack confidence. I don't like to use judgmental terms like loser.

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  • No, it's no problem yet... but I'm 10 years older than you, and still have the same problem :(

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