Can someone read my story and tell me what they think of it?

I don't know if this is considered spam or not but I would love some opinions as no one reads my stories AND provides feedback. I wrote this 3 different times and I was curious to see if it was okay. There isn't enough room to add the story alone so please read it if you can. I'd really appreciate the honest constructive critisicsm.

https://www.wattpad.com/199328072-my-collection-of-short-stories-and-poetry

Updates:
I have rewritten and edited the story so please if you haven't read it or read it once more and give me your opinion. I changed a lot of stuff and added more detail. Thanks :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll read it this week and give you feedback as soon as I have time (and not gonna do it now at 4AM)

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    • Eh thanks and good reminder lol

    • hahaha you're welcome xD and ikr I was trying to not rush you but I didn't want you to forget (I also just needed to give most helpful guy)

    • urgh just read it... I don't think I got the point 😂
      maybe because it's 6.35AM, need to sleep over it and read again lol

Most Helpful Girl

  • OH SO GONNA READ.

    Who's the intended audience btw? How old were you when you wrote it? Were you trying to adhere to any particular style convention?
    Yes, I am a writer.

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    • Intended audience; people my age.
      i wrote it about a week ago
      and i was trying to make it sad but realistic

    • So I just "read" it at my usual first-read pace ("very fast" would be an understatement). I read everything at that pace first, then more slowly later.

      It made sense, which means you are actually able to convey ideas coherently. That puts you in the top 1/3 already, sadly.

      Interestingly, my first impression was exactly the opposite. Not sad. Hopeful.
      You know, that stupid analogy I made, glitter, sidewalks, etc.

      I'll let you know what hits me next read-through. Couple days prolly.

      I'm one of those "first day of the rest of your life" people. Sad stories, they don't work. Don't work on me.
      "From here? Nowhere to go but up."
      "Bad place to be... but it'll be a good place to be **from**."

      Keep ya head up, girl.

      There's a lot of places you can throw glitter.
      <3

    • *in the first paragraph, the first "read" is past tense, and the second is present (a generalization). this is important, sry. argh.

What Guys Said 5

  • Time is against me today but I will leave a promise to call back and read your stories.

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    • Dude it's like 2000 words. Maybe not even.

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    • Okay - This will probably take a couple of comments so I hope I can order it correctly and it makes sense.
      First of all I think it is excellent and will reverberate for a lot of people. The opening paragraph is very good scene setting, the time when she is most troubled or lonely even though there are other people in the house. I found system of 7 to feel safe and the fact that girl was 7 interesting pointing to a significant time or change in her life as perceived by her and marked as a time around 7, last time she felt safe maybe.
      The negative influence of the father and the parents argument shines a light on the mothers' role, she supports the girl but doesn't understand her. In my view there is absolutely nothing wrong with having "friends" quite often they are just your mind trying to work out facets of your personality. Each friend is a representation of a part of you through their behaviour and mannerisms, your coping mechanisms - Part 2 to follow

    • The 7 friends represent part of her , (1) Nyx, the ethereal fairy. childhood innocence where everything feels right, the place were people yearn for during troubled times (2) Damian, empathy trying to understand why she is where she is (3) Troy, resentment for where she is (4) Erebus, surrender the feeling that this it is just the way it is (5) Nala, vain escapism, the ostrich with the head in the sand (6) Derek the self destruct can't cope feeling (7) Isaac who is he - The one everybody doesn't like - Cold logic perhaps "Maybe we should go talk to them" - It has to be done but nobody wants to do it.
      "Maybe we should go talk to them" - Intriguing several allusions to what that could be by girl's reaction and her conversation with Nyx.
      The final paragraph leaves everything up in the air with a child's wishful thinking for self acceptance and acceptance from others. As I said will resonate with a lot of people and will make people think - Very good job.

  • I could only read the first bit. I hope it got better after mom came in. It was very vivid and emotional. Really not a fan of the dad, kinda wanted to punch him.

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  • Ok just read your story...
    It was interesting though I didn't understood much just bc of my poor English :P

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  • It's Awesometacular

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  • Shoulda found a pic, and made it a MyTake.

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    • the female was just lust haha
      if you pay attention you can tell which is which

    • Yeah i know, i meant to type Anger was the one that wanted to confront them lol

      I messed that all up.

What Girls Said 1

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