What do you think is the number one reason girls still don't approach in 2016?

Yes there are girls who approach but they are still in the minority.

what do you think is the reason for women still not approaching as much as men?

  • Because that is how it is supposed to be. A well established social practice that should remain in place
    18% (23)9% (11)14% (34)Vote
  • Because girls are scared of rejection
    30% (38)25% (30)27% (68)Vote
  • Because it makes a girl seem desperate
    28% (35)8% (10)18% (45)Vote
  • Simply because girls dont have to since most men still approach
    6% (8)18% (22)12% (30)Vote
  • Girls like having the power of rejecting and dont want to lose that
    2% (2)24% (29)12% (31)Vote
  • Girls like getting free meals since whoever asks for the date does the paying and thats usually the man
    0% (0)6% (7)3% (7)Vote
  • A different reason (please say)
    16% (21)10% (12)14% (33)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Lol thanks for the mention:

    I guess it's all of the above.

    A) It's a societal norm, and contrary to popular belief, societal norms are much harder and take time to change. Especially in the US, since the population is so big, there's too many people to influence. Not to mention, too many cultures. Lots of Machista or traditional cultures actually reject this progressivism, particularly religious, and they prefer to keep things as they are.

    B) yup. This was mainly my reason to not approach men. I'm really shy when it comes to new people. And it's one of the things that scares me the most. I'm used to not getting what I want though, so I just figured to be prepared to fail.

    C) It does make girls seem desperate. As I said in my take, it was disheartening to hear men mock women who approach guys. Some even mocked the men who accepted the offers "what a wuss. Now she's gonna be 'the man' in the relationship."
    Or they think "what's wrong with her that she has to ask men out? Men should be lining up to date her." Legit, some guys told me this because I mentioned that I've asked guys out.

    D) this is sadly true. I've asked a nice number of men out, but it does not even compare to the amount that have asked me out. So for a while, I got used to men doing that, I figured I'd never need to. But the problem was the guys I really liked weren't asking me out. They were the shy, geeky types. So there was a lot of "missed opportunities" because I did expect them to approach me.

    E) I don't think I've ever heard of a girl liking the power to reject. Probably a few exist, but I don't think it's common enough to make such a generalization. I feel this is something some men are ignorant of and mistakenly assume it to be true.

    F) Lol I knew this would be on the list. I won't deny there are some women who do this or have done it at least once, but I don't think it's common enough to stop so many women from asking out.

    G) I keep stressing this, and men seem to not get it, for YEARS, no CENTURIES, WE WERE MARRIED OFF TO KEEP POWER WITHIN FAMILIES. WE WERE RAPED AND FORCED TO STAY WITH OUR USUALLY MUCH OLDER RAPISTS, WE WERE EXCHANGED FOR CATTLE.
    THIS IS STILL A NEW CONCEPT, and it WILL TAKE PROBABLY CENTURIES BEFORE ACTUAL PROGRESS HAD BEEN MADE.

    Sure, many of us didn't experience this first hand, but wisdom is passed down. Our mother's and grandmother's main goal was to marry a man who was stable because they weren't given the same opportunities as we have now.

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    • .. they were taught and conditioned to depend on men. And this gets passed down. This especially true for "first generations" like me. I've mentioned how my grandparents literally told my mom that her place was in the home and that she should give up her dreams of getting educated. YES, THEY TOLD A 5 YR OLD GIRL THIS.

      You can't "fix" this within just a few generations, and I think it's callous and ignorant for men to assume it's that easy.

      This also ties into why minorities seem a bit unable to fully trust whites. Sure, we don't face blatant racism, maybe a few instances here and there, but it wasn't as open as our parents had it.
      Our parents and grandparents, literally were told that their dark skin was ugly. So they wanted to lighten it. There was a time where you could call the cops or immigration and say "there's an illegal living next door" and they'd get arrested or deported. I digress, but the point is that the laws passed whatever years ago DIDN'T make the problems go away.

    • Thanks for MH :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's a combination of the above, but mostly A, B, and D.

    It's tradition and women like the idea of a guy sweeping them off their feet. They're hate rejection and finally since most guys are willing to maje the furst move, women just don't have to. As long as a girl is moderately attractive she can legit not pursue anyone and still have guys ask her out. Sure she may not get asked out by the guys she wants but that's when you hear them complain about how men are too passive. Women prefer to bitch about the guy she likes being too passive rather than make the first move and ask the guy out.

    I have seen some girls say they're afraid of being seen as easy, but I never really got that. I'm not going to see a girl as easy simply for asking me out.

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What Girls Said 34

  • Because there is a biased that women who ask out men are desperate, whores, or aggressive. I have been labeled aggressive by countless men just for casually asking them out; some men are intimidated by it.

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  • Why should we?

    Girls are mostly content being single. We're happy in relationships but being single is fine. It's not like we're miserable alone. So why should we go through the effort of approaching when it's perfectly delightful being single?

    Being single is good. Being taken is better. But being single isn't bad enough to merit effort be put into approaching. Especially when guys are so desperate to not be single that they do it for us.

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    • not all or most women like being single... thats a gross generalization

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    • A biological clock does not necessarily mean you seek out a relationship. Asking a guy for a date and asking a guy for sex are two very different things @fashionguy17

    • I think women actually tend to crave relationships more than men. That's my observation. I've heard "Why do so many men just want sex" what seems like thousands of times. I've never heard a guy say that lol.

  • These are the most prominent reasons in my opinion:
    - Shyness
    - Fear of rejection
    - Thinking guys (or other girls) will view them as desperate, clingy, or even slutty
    - Entitlement (though this is a trait that pretty much only traditional girls/women have).

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  • I don't think I am in the best spot! Since I have never worked and my career is uncertain! I have no friends and looking for a boy should be the last of my concern! I am also serious depressed! I mean I just don't think I should approach when I feel EW~! I am also out of shape! So yeah! I want approach knowing I am the whole package! But thats me!

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    • Good men usually make the same calculation

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    • Well, what I was really getting at or trying to get you to see was that you wouldn't reject a guy that approached you who's life wasn't "perfect," but yet you won't approach a guy because your life isn't yet "ideal or perfect". Even though the guys isn't really going to care about that. Although, I do know what you mean about needing/wanting to feel more confident in yourself. But I don't think were you are at in life will matter so much, if even at all, to 99% of guys.

    • @RomansToPhilemon It matter to me a LOT! I guess your right. I just want be the perfect wife someday! I dunno... But I am no where close! Its embarssing how i am at the moment!

  • If a girl approaches guys say she is desperate, "Throwing herself at guys", a slut, a whore etc. even if she isn't any of those things. Maybe because they are bitter that she approached another guy and not them? I'm not sure why guys do this but it happens a lot and definitely discourages girls from making the first move when we know we will have to endure nasty rumours and names for it. I still don't regret approaching my boyfriend though no matter what other guys may have said about me behind my back, I knew what I wanted and I went for it o sue me I don't care!

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  • I'm not accustomed to that. And if I was single in 16', I wouldn't do it 1) cause omg break ups suck for a while and 2) I wouldn't have any experience and I'm a HUGE chicken. And if I was a guy, I would still be a huge chicken.

    And I'm lucky and I see my luck in being a woman, because guys are expected to come up to me most of the time.

    But if a guy was really sweet and showed interest beforehand, I would consider it. But I would need a few green light hints beforehand.

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    • So true about the green light. Some guys are just nice and gentlemanly without expecting anything in return.

    • Right, and I definitely respect guys for asking women out respectfully. Because I would need huge go signs haha.

  • women approach, but mostly to guys they want something serious with and are strongly attracte to. Most men approach to almost any women for sex, nothing serious etc. And most men have trouble approaching a girl they really like. Women also lure a lot of men, so men think they do all the work when in reality they don't. Many women sure still have problem with patriarhic system, but many do approach, much more than it seemes, just not really from desprate reasons like most men.

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  • I've done it so many times, and yeah I'm only 15 and yeah there's not that many times that I could've been rejected. But I was only accepted once when I was fucking 3 and then the other times, rejection, ignored, rejection, rejection, "Stop Stalking me", ignored. I'm tired of approaching guys, I want someone to approach me.

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  • LOL @ the guys votes though. SO SAD😂

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  • there is a negativity of women approaching but since society is breaking down that barrier it will become more common in the future

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  • A man who is scared of rejection is a man who doesn't go after what he wants in life. He lacks confidence and I'm not into that.

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    • Are you scared of rejection too?

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    • I did but you labeled it irrelevant as an escape. That's all that needs to be said on the subject. Using your own source against you is labeled irrelevant so you can avoid addressing it. I won't be responding further.

    • not an escape. i addressed your main argument with that source and you didn't... but go ahead and claim your victory for this since this is clearly what you want

  • Because it literally JUST became 2016 and you didn't even give it a chance to find out whether or not girls are approaching guys.

    It hasn't even been a full day...

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    • ok ignore that and pretend i said 2015. you completely missed the point lol

    • No I still understood it my point is things change over time the fact that any girls ask guys out at all is a real step up just like how women only job were to cook, clean, and to be a wife and mother.

      It takes time it may take forever but we'll get there one day.

  • I think many of us are just way too shy/self-conscious.
    I would have approached people all the time if I would have had a bit more confidence in myself tbh

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    • do guys approach you?

    • Not unless I go to a club and then they're usually drunk enough to even approach a chair if I would replace myself with it 😂Terrible..

  • Because men, at the end of the day, really don't like it or respect them IF/WHEN they show them they like them. This goes on all the time, soon as girls show they really like a guy it goes to his head and then he doesn't like her as much. Men only want what they pursue no matter what they say here.

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    • You sound bitter...

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    • I hardly see it where im from

    • I think girls just act really nice, smile and look you at a lot, express interest in you (how are you, how was your day, etc so lots of small talk & flirting means she wants you to ask her out, or ask for her number... but it goes case by case really.

  • As confident as I am, and I do flirt and approach men, it's still not entirely embraced as behavior everyone is comfortable with. If I don't though, I won't get to talk to the guys I am attracted to because they all seem pretty intimidated. I have to really go out on a limb and challenge societal norms just to be happy. It's all so frustrating.

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  • I voted option D because to me that made the most sense. Guys are still largely expected to initiate and approach so they do, if guys collectively stopped asking girls out then most likely, women would be taking more initiative by default (at least that's what I think)
    Oh and also, fuck option A

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  • Socialization. That's what it has always been. You're trying to make it out like women are malicious for not being more forward. Does that mean that men, who are socialized to be more forward, are inherently malicious?

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    • imnot trying to do anything actually. but it still seems odd that even in 2016 girls are still not approaching as much as men.

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    • even in the first world where feminism has nearly taken over

    • I wouldn't say it's taken over, but it has certainly gained traction.

  • I can handle the rejection but it's the way it's put across that really bugs me. I was publicly humiliated in front of lots of guys and girls including my friends. I get he wasn't interested, not every guy is going to like me but there was no need to broadcast the disinterest in me. I think that's why I don't approach guys, it's not really the rejection but the fear he will do something like this. I don't ever want to feel that sort of embarrassment ever again.

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  • Because they are shy or cowards I guess, I never had that problem.

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  • we don't fuckn want to

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  • Tradition.
    filler

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  • What do you mean 'still don't approach in 2016'? It's only been 2016 for 2 days.

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    • Pretend it said '2015' instead. You guys who bring that up are missing the point

    • But stating useless observations is my forte. 👍🙋 lol.
      I don't know. I don't presume to speak for all females. The girls that don't are probably just shy about it. I doubt very many females still hold on to the concept that guys have to do the asking out. There are some though. I know girls that are traditional like that and girls that are forward in equal measures.

  • Probably the same reason there are some guys who don't approach... Fear of rejection.

    That and the fact that they're usually not expected to.

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    • The first sentence is true for guys, but guys are expected to approach and thus are told to 'man up'

      yet you girls are allowed to remain scared of rejection

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    • and how do you feel about this?

    • It's ridiculous. You should just approach who you're interested in

  • because that s what they re used to, that is what seems correct in their brainwashed mind.

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  • Because 2016 is only two days old so give it time lol

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  • Women get hit on a lot to begin with

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  • I think some girls are scared of both rejection and a guy thinking its weird/too forward, as it goes against societal norms

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  • Just letting you know if I see someone I like I'm definitely speaking up.

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  • I don't approach men because men are not attractive.
    try wearing make up lol

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  • I would say for me it's between B and C...

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What Guys Said 34

  • Many girls do but in the different sense of making eye contact, nonverbal signals etc. To signal that they are interested and give you an assurance to approach. Which is always so appreciated for me. This is how i met my girlfriend by the way. So women, if you are into hi--get caught eye fucking him! seriously!

    Sometimes they are loud and easy to pick up on, other times not. Reading body language is a game changing skill I think--for dating AND for your profession. It's a wonderful life skill.

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  • Their ego and they're conceited, not all, but most.
    Most women don't like taking responsibility for their actions, it's how society makes them, so they don't wanna take action in certain aspects of their life.
    Also many women feel like they're superior, therefore making themselves vulnerable by approaching isn't in their books.

    I have an utmost respect for girls that approach, and pity for those who stay sitting down.
    Just wait and check out all the butthurt girls that will downvote me, proving that they don't wanna accept the truth.

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  • i'm totally fine with girls not asking guys out as long as they accept the fact that can't complain if guys don't ask them out, say guys need to take chances and that they lose some of their rights to a relationship (for lack of better phrasing). basically meaning that she can't pick and chose what she wants just because it's convenient. like say you want equal pay, equal rights, be treated equally, etc, but then expect guys to ask them out, pay on dates all the time, guys shouldn't be allowed to hit women (but then hit guys back), etc.

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  • Voted D. Girls simply do not have to approach, since most of them get approached anyway. Why do all the hard work, when they can just sit back, relax, and have men approach them? As an added bonus, it also safeguards them from rejection!

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  • All of the above plus the natural male/female dynamic dictated by our DNA. It doesn't matter what year it is.

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  • Ladies, you do not seem desperate if you approach a guy. It's just a fail stereotype. I will be telling girls this more often to help change this. So dumb that you ladies think this. Not call you dumb, just saying it's dumb that it is like that.

    I picked that I think it's for a different reason. And that reason is because I think society has gender flipped roles on mankind and there is an evil agenda out there making men more like women and women more like men. And unfortunately it's working to a great degree.

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  • Asking someone out involves making yourself vulnerable by opening your heart and showing emotions towards someone. Thats scary for anyone. Given there's a reasonable chance a guy will ask out a girl every now and then, she can get to know a guy after she knows he's interested, so doing so puts her at less risk of being humilated by showing she likes soneone who doesn't feel the same way.

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  • It's a mixture of C and D, at least from my view point.

    A good number of dudes are still asking women out, and as such, most women don't need to take matters into their own hands. And in the event that they do take matters into their own hands, they risk looking desperate (i. e. "no guys are asking me out, so I'll have to go out and find one for myself.")

    *I don't necessarily agree that things should be this way, or that it makes sense; it just is what it is.

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  • They (in general) don't have to period.

    They get to pick and choose who they'll date and for some of them (depending on your opinion/hatred of women) get to choose who they'll cheat on or upgrade to when a new man approaches them.

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  • think most younger girls are a combination of B, C, D, and E.

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  • Let 2016 breath a bit first,
    I think they want to approach but societal expectations blocks that

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  • Because of what there mothers tell them thats the guys Job

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  • LOL It's barely day 1 of 2016 and you already have answers as to why girls STILL don't approach boys? LOL You're hilarious.

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  • I am inclined to go option A with strong hints of B and a tiny bit of C, D, E, F.

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  • Maybe because we are only 1 day into 2016 so we can't ad 2016 into the category yet

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    • Pretend it said 2015 now whats your answer?

    • Ok now I can say my opinion, but I would say most girls don't approach guys because they like the classic were the guy is the one to make a first move, girls are more shy and nervous even though guys are nervous too, they know that it's their duty call to make that move

  • Girls like to have the power to reject I think. They love having men come up to them as it makes them feel wanted. Men want mainly sex so they desperately attempt to approach women in the hope of getting lucky. I think that's the reason it is the way it is

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  • Because many women 'fit test' men and to be able to do that requires men to jump through their hoops. Hard to get that going when they do the approaching.

    Interestingly enough, in all but one of my long term relationships, she made the first move.

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  • its not social its genetic prewiring and if you think this will ever change then wow I feel sorry for you..

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  • Your choices are stupid

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  • Because they are too insecured and not really equal to us lol

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    • what do you mean by 'not really equal to us?'

    • I mean they like to think they are but let's face it, They secretly want guys to be better and stronger to cover their own flaws. Lol I am not with that shit doe, I treat em equal disregarding any gender rule

  • Because society.

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  • Traditional customs most are taught at toddler throughout adulthood. Plus they are scared.

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  • All except for F sound about right. God damnit women STAHPP

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  • A well established social that should stay? really? is that really how some females think? that's crazy, not all men like having to walk up to female just to be rejected, and some even play games with the "maybe"

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  • I dont know i never though of it cuz i dont care about dating n stuff.

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  • Girls who voted option 3 . Thats not true.
    so guys approaching you, you think they are desperate.

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  • I'm going with E and F

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  • Because society is advantageous for them so why should they when they know they can still find a relationship without having too?

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  • D.

    Coupled with the fact that young women are highly pursued in the dating market.

    Older women are more likely to approach, partly because they've 'realized it makes sense' but partly they're just pushed to because they're not hit on like they used to be.

    But even though the 'market' shifts, old habits die slow. As long as young women are in demand, men will have to be active pursuing them. That means all men pretty much have to develop approach confidence.

    Also, a man approaching gains a few points (not many) for confidence while women approaching men, the men don't look positively or negatively on it.

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