I have a fear of being beaten or physically abused? How can I overcome it?

Up to last year when I was 17 I was beaten almost on a daily bases by my schizophrenic mother, idiotic father, senile grandmother and alcoholic uncle. My life was a living hell. I wish no human EVER experience that.
I am 18 now and live on my own. I work and also study. I am independant in every single way, but there is this problem: I still have a PANIC fear of being beaten. I hate men because I am afraid of them. The dark period of my life (which was first 17 out of 18 years) has had such a HUGE impact on me, that I even think (I am still not sure) that I am attracted to girls instead of guys. I don't think it really has that sexual component, but rather emotionall. I am affraid of men. I am a feminist and FUCKING PROUD OF THAT and I have read some polls here, on G@G on weather men have been violent to women and I was absolutely SHOCKED to see that it was almost 50/50.

THAT IS DISTURBING!

I have bad dreams, I can't find my peace in sleep and when I wake up and try to watch smth that I think is harmless and will calm me down, it turns out that EVERY TV SHOW, EVERY MOVIE, EVERY MUSIC VIDEO and EVERYTHING in the pop culture reminds me of violence. I can't stand even some jokes that are sexist. I am incredibly anxious about that.
My real friends (3-4 people) and I, myself, now how strong I am and I am sure that I can overcome this, but being a victim almost my whole life isn't smth you can forget about overnight.

My greatest fear is being hit or contolled by jealous guys/dates. I never have relationships, I do casuall dating and some of the guys in the past have had problems with that. I am affraid that I will be physically abused and that I will experience violence from a possesive guy.
My question is: what can I do to try to forget about the dark perios of myh life (how do I get over it) and how to prevent myself from getting beaten. Also, do you think guys would beat me if I never mention that we were ever in a relationship in the fist place? Please help me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am so sorry you experienced this as you were growing up. First of all, that is something you will never forget. About the best you can do is work to get beyond it. Those type of fears are not simple to get through. You need to take some time and heal from the emotional stress you lived under. Living on your own is a great start for that!

    You can start by making friends with guys on a casual basis. As you get to know them, you can build up trust and let a couple guys know what you experienced. Real guys will take that into consideration and adjust the way they interact with you.

    Finally, get out of victim mode by learning how to fight back - including physically as necessary. Take several self defense classes. Effectively, fight fire with fire.

    Again, I am very sorry you had to experience that type of hell growing up. I'm glad you're out of that environment. I wish you the best!

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    • Thank yuou SO much for your kind words. They mean A LOT to me. It is very rare that I feel sympathy and the thing that offends me the most is when people say that they don't believe me, as there is NO GREATER humiliation and disgrace than not believing in the words of a victim. You truly are a wonderful human being. I agree that I SHOULD get out of the victim mode and I have already overcome that phase in a way how I behave. But, what is REALLY happening inside of me is really still shaky. That is a VERY good advice: I WILL take self-defense classes and I hope that it will help me. I AM a fighter and I AM fighting back. I always fight back, and right now I feel like the best "fight back" is just the fact that I don't rely upon those people anymore.
      I will never back down, for sure! And, by the way, can you believe these idiotic "macho" men calling me a coward... I am the strongest person I know. I bet that they r p*ssies even with all the muscles they have.
      I wish you all the best, too, friend

    • Thank you for the MHO.

      I couldn't agree more, that you ARE a fighter. Considering all that you've been through, and you still are working on getting through this tells me you're doing what you can to get beyond that awful experience! That you reached out for help and risked hearing hateful comments like being a "coward" also shows how strong you truly are! I love your spirit! Never give up! The wingnut who called you a "coward" obviously is one himself. It's so easy to call someone a name and do nothing. You, on the other hand, ARE doing something! You're far stronger than you think. I wish you all the best! You keep going strong!

What Guys Said 4

  • I feel like it's vital that you find a good therapist and get to work on getting past what happened to you. I'm very sorry you went through that but you can get past it.

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    • That is a very good advice. I will DEFFINITELY talk to a therapist. Thank you for the kind words. I wish you all the best!

    • It's my pleasure. Godspeed!

  • Be careful, often people who have a history of abuse tend to find SOs who abuse them. At the first sign of any type of control, leave,. Don't allow any 2nd chances, don't wait for the abuse to become physical. Abuser's are master manipulators.

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    • Don't worry, I am not looking for a "partner" and I am DEFFINITELY not drawn to abusive people. I want to run away from them as far as a can! Thank you for the kind words, though. :)

  • Lol , what a coward.

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    • You are a waste of life. You are calling me a coward? I am the strongest person I know, I can honestly and proudly say that. I made it! I have overcome the darkest night, I am independent know and I am my own's boss. I am pretty sure that is what a CHAMPION is called. I didn't choose to be beaten up and, when I was, I didn't run from it nor I went back, I stood for myself and fought back! Yeah, that is what champions do.
      If anything, your idiotic comment made me feel even more special about myself knowing who I REALLY AM! I am a fighter, a winner and a fucking CHAMPION and the things that still haunt me I will overcome 100%. I am sure.

      You are just a pathetic troll who did this just to get a reaction, and I know I shouldn't be feeding you, but I feel that it is my responsibility as a human being not to fight back on things like these. Must be really excieting living in a basement waiting for a reaction, huh?
      End of story!

    • *bends over* Ok baby, you are a champion *pats on the head*

      Happy there kiddo?

      "schizophrenic mother, idiotic father, senile grandmother and alcoholic uncle."
      I understood from that statement itself.. Ya.. soo... everyone's in your family is fucked up EXCEPT YOU ! okay, quite believable. Maybe you are the reason they beat you up. Because MAYBE you deserve it. Parents beat their kids only to bring them to the right path, if you can't see it, doesn't mean they are wrong. It means you are too unintelligent to understand that.

  • Wait why are you afraid of men if your mother used to beat you too?

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