Up to last year when I was 17 I was beaten almost on a daily bases by my schizophrenic mother, idiotic father, senile grandmother and alcoholic uncle. My life was a living hell. I wish no human EVER experience that.
I am 18 now and live on my own. I work and also study. I am independant in every single way, but there is this problem: I still have a PANIC fear of being beaten. I hate men because I am afraid of them. The dark period of my life (which was first 17 out of 18 years) has had such a HUGE impact on me, that I even think (I am still not sure) that I am attracted to girls instead of guys. I don't think it really has that sexual component, but rather emotionall. I am affraid of men. I am a feminist and FUCKING PROUD OF THAT and I have read some polls here, on G@G on weather men have been violent to women and I was absolutely SHOCKED to see that it was almost 50/50.
THAT IS DISTURBING!
I have bad dreams, I can't find my peace in sleep and when I wake up and try to watch smth that I think is harmless and will calm me down, it turns out that EVERY TV SHOW, EVERY MOVIE, EVERY MUSIC VIDEO and EVERYTHING in the pop culture reminds me of violence. I can't stand even some jokes that are sexist. I am incredibly anxious about that.
My real friends (3-4 people) and I, myself, now how strong I am and I am sure that I can overcome this, but being a victim almost my whole life isn't smth you can forget about overnight.
My greatest fear is being hit or contolled by jealous guys/dates. I never have relationships, I do casuall dating and some of the guys in the past have had problems with that. I am affraid that I will be physically abused and that I will experience violence from a possesive guy.
My question is: what can I do to try to forget about the dark perios of myh life (how do I get over it) and how to prevent myself from getting beaten. Also, do you think guys would beat me if I never mention that we were ever in a relationship in the fist place? Please help me.
Most Helpful Guy
I am so sorry you experienced this as you were growing up. First of all, that is something you will never forget. About the best you can do is work to get beyond it. Those type of fears are not simple to get through. You need to take some time and heal from the emotional stress you lived under. Living on your own is a great start for that!
You can start by making friends with guys on a casual basis. As you get to know them, you can build up trust and let a couple guys know what you experienced. Real guys will take that into consideration and adjust the way they interact with you.
Finally, get out of victim mode by learning how to fight back - including physically as necessary. Take several self defense classes. Effectively, fight fire with fire.
Again, I am very sorry you had to experience that type of hell growing up. I'm glad you're out of that environment. I wish you the best!0