How can you go on living after having been forced to give up on every single purpose you'll ever have in life?

I'm done. I've tried and tried thousands of times, and all anyone's ever done is rejected me. I've sacrificed everything for the people I've loved, only for them to spit in my face and tell me how worthless and pathetic I am time and time again. I've lost every single thing I ever had, giving every bit of promise and potential I ever had to make anything out of my life, for their sakes, on their whims- only to be told that merely having wanted anything out of life in the first place makes me selfish and egotistical, that I was always worthless, and that my life would never have amounted to anything anyway.

I'm done with all of them- done with my hypocritical, clueless family, done with all of these sadistic girls, done with all of these yobbish thugs, done with slaving from the moment I wake up into the small hours every single night and never making a single penny out of it. I'm done with this god-forsaken race called 'humanity'- no matter how friendly and dedicated I've been, no-one has ever accepted me as a friend, and now, turning 29 (never having had a single birthday party or anyone to celebrate it with in my entire life, because my being born was never worth celebrating), I'm old enough now to read the writing on the wall and acknowledge that no-one ever will.

So what is there left? What value is there to living a worthless, meaningless life, without hope, ambition, income, without having any family or friends, and without even the most basic form of human interaction? How is my life not worthless- how do I justify selfishly wasting the oxygen I'm breathing in, wasting the calories which I consume when they could have been the difference between life and death for a dozen others? How do I justify the selfish cowardice of continuing to live from day to day, of abstaining from committing suicide, when everyone who I've ever cared about and everyone who I've ever loved has told me that their lives would have been happier if I had never been born?


0|0
2|2

Most Helpful Girl

  • You got take it one step at a time?

    0|0
    0|0
    • And which steps might those be? How does one go about 'stepping up' a sheer cliff-face, without a rope or climbing gear? While under heavy fire from snipers and artillery? And after having been blown off the cliff-face, plummeting down onto the jagged rocks below with bone-breaking impacts, at least seven times already? How am I supposed to do that on my own?

Most Helpful Guy

  • You need more help than can be given here mate.

    But I do propose one challenge left, and that is to invest in yourself for a change.
    You cite that others are the reason you've nothing to go on for.
    I was in your position in 2009, and since suicide was never an option for me though it did come up, I'm still here. It wasn't easy, thats for sure. But I did it by investing in myself. Building a spiritual life, something I've always wanted, reprogramming my outlook on the world, which was pessimistic and bleak, and several other changes.

    And if you want a place to start, start where I did. Volunteer.
    I volunteered sorting and throwing freight/donations at a food bank. I got to see real good happening, be part of it, and met new people.

    You want something bigger than yourself to care about, go be part of it. Doesn't cost anything but time.

    Now if you listen to nothing else I've said listen to this. You need to get out of your house, and out of your head. Whatever you do, you can't be sitting in your place rolling this shit over and over in your head. Get out. I don't care if its only for a walk, get out.

    0|1
    0|0
    • I did try to build a spiritual life, and had been volunteering at the religious equivalent of a soup kitchen regularly for the entirety of my adult life. That was still worthless in everyone's eyes, and I was still worthless in everyone's eyes, because I wasn't one of them, and nothing I ever did would ever be good enough for me to become one of them. No good ever happened- every new person I met only cared about the fact that I wasn't racially pure or a devout religious extremist, which made me worthless. It did cost a lot, hundreds of pounds- I still wasn't worthy. My original outlook on the world was completely optimistic, sunshine and rainbows- I've had to keep reprogramming it to try and reflect reality, but it's just never been cynical, pessimistic or bleak enough, even now.

What Girls Said 1

  • You need to learn to love yourself mister...

    0|0
    0|0
    • Any idea as to how? Back in my actual youth, I was pretty much the ultimate eternal optimist. But when you're the one and only person in the entire world who believes in your own worth, and when all of those around you- including every member of one's own family- devotes all of their efforts to beating it into you (both metaphorically and literally), that you're the single most worthless, monstrous, abhorrent, selfish and egotistical being in existence, how long can you keep loving yourself?

      Self-belief has its limits. I used to believe that I mattered, and that everyone in the world mattered. But all I've ever heard from others is that I don't matter, I never did matter, no-one who I ever cared about mattered, and how much I care about anyone or anything doesn't matter. If it's only what you believe about yourself that matters, and you refuse to even consider anyone else's beliefs as a possibility, then you're certifiably insane. And regrettably, I'm still sane.

What Guys Said 1

  • You can't keep what you can't give away and want brings pain

    0|0
    0|0
    • Sorry, I didn't quite catch the meaning of that. 'I can't keep what I can't give away'- what's that supposed to be referring to? And 'want brings pain'- are you saying that I should stop wanting? Wanting to love, to live, to earn, to eat, to drink, to breathe, to live? Because on all of those counts except for the first, I already have. When I give up on wanting love, like I've already given up on all the others, I'll be giving up on my very last purpose in life. And with no reasons left to live, I'll just kill myself then and there, and I'll finally be at peace. That day's coming soon, I can feel it. And honestly, I don't know whether I'm scared, apprehensive, relieved or hopeful that it will.

    • Show All
    • And yes, there is still another reason to live. Hatred, anger and hostility aren't healthy, but they're the only things I have left, and the only things which I'm guaranteed to keep receiving in abundance from everyone I come into contact with in this world. And if you're intent on dishing it out, I can give it back to you with interest. You want to inflict pain? You think you know what pain is? Bring it, bitch. I'll give you a taste of what true pain really is...

    • Another Buddhist teaching. You are what you think

Loading...