I'm done. I've tried and tried thousands of times, and all anyone's ever done is rejected me. I've sacrificed everything for the people I've loved, only for them to spit in my face and tell me how worthless and pathetic I am time and time again. I've lost every single thing I ever had, giving every bit of promise and potential I ever had to make anything out of my life, for their sakes, on their whims- only to be told that merely having wanted anything out of life in the first place makes me selfish and egotistical, that I was always worthless, and that my life would never have amounted to anything anyway.
I'm done with all of them- done with my hypocritical, clueless family, done with all of these sadistic girls, done with all of these yobbish thugs, done with slaving from the moment I wake up into the small hours every single night and never making a single penny out of it. I'm done with this god-forsaken race called 'humanity'- no matter how friendly and dedicated I've been, no-one has ever accepted me as a friend, and now, turning 29 (never having had a single birthday party or anyone to celebrate it with in my entire life, because my being born was never worth celebrating), I'm old enough now to read the writing on the wall and acknowledge that no-one ever will.
So what is there left? What value is there to living a worthless, meaningless life, without hope, ambition, income, without having any family or friends, and without even the most basic form of human interaction? How is my life not worthless- how do I justify selfishly wasting the oxygen I'm breathing in, wasting the calories which I consume when they could have been the difference between life and death for a dozen others? How do I justify the selfish cowardice of continuing to live from day to day, of abstaining from committing suicide, when everyone who I've ever cared about and everyone who I've ever loved has told me that their lives would have been happier if I had never been born?
Most Helpful Girl
You got take it one step at a time?0
Most Helpful Guy
You need more help than can be given here mate.
But I do propose one challenge left, and that is to invest in yourself for a change.
You cite that others are the reason you've nothing to go on for.
I was in your position in 2009, and since suicide was never an option for me though it did come up, I'm still here. It wasn't easy, thats for sure. But I did it by investing in myself. Building a spiritual life, something I've always wanted, reprogramming my outlook on the world, which was pessimistic and bleak, and several other changes.
And if you want a place to start, start where I did. Volunteer.
I volunteered sorting and throwing freight/donations at a food bank. I got to see real good happening, be part of it, and met new people.
You want something bigger than yourself to care about, go be part of it. Doesn't cost anything but time.
Now if you listen to nothing else I've said listen to this. You need to get out of your house, and out of your head. Whatever you do, you can't be sitting in your place rolling this shit over and over in your head. Get out. I don't care if its only for a walk, get out.1