i've recently moved 12hrs away from where i've lived my whole life, and a lot has happened to the point of piling up and getting overwhelming. i'd occasionaly get bad days that were worse than most and i'd feel really sad or angry and even sometime just zero emotion what so ever, but yesterday everything that could have went bad did and then some, i finally got a job after 2 months of living here and first day was really dull and I don't know why but it made me have random thought of something bad happening and me being at that job the rest of my life even though its only until i go to college, and it made me emotionally unstable and then 2/3 of my best friends or what i had thought were my best friends decided that they were going to make a spuratic trip to a music festival and i asked them if they still plan on coming down here during the summer because we have been talking about it since mid last year, one fo them i expected to say no or I don't know because i knew they were going to change once she got a boyfriend and she just did a week ago and the other one that i was almost sure would never do it also just answered with a I don't know and it hit me really hard, i've made trips down there because they wanted to see me and it's costed me a lot of money and time just so i can see them, they are both girls and my first actual friends that are girls but it made me think if im just a filler for something better to come along for them even though they say im their best friend. and then i got home to my mom telling me my grandma just got told she has cancer, and since yesterday when all of this happend I've had this feeling that i think is depression but I don't know how to explain it, I've been scared of going to the doctors because of everyone saying how bad antidepressants are and I've also been scared becasue i have randomly started thinking what if when people get suicidal unlike usually people know those thoughts are bad and you shouldn't have to feel that way but i started thinking what if i start getting those thoughts and my mind starts making me think that its okay and everything will be better if i do it. I've had this sad, emotionally unstable, and numb/lost and scarred feeling eversince i moved and i haven't been able to sleep until 5am most nights since i moved.
Most Helpful Girl
Like everything is going downhill, and you think that it never ends and don't know how to fix it :/1
Most Helpful Guy
Depression feels like there's no light. Like no matter what you're doing, it has no meaning. Everything feels like a chore, every mishap is expected, and it's easy to fall pray to self-destructive habits because it's easier to just screw up then try to get far. You wake up everyday with this fog that consumed your mind.
I have clinical depression, which is different from emotional. Basically my emotions my emotions no longer have anything to do with my depression. My brain chemistry now has a hard time developing sufficient amounts of chemicals to fell fulfillment. So everything I do is through sheer force of will.
I sometimes dream of the fire I once had. It's so beautiful and I miss it. I used to be able to feel passion so intensely that it drove me towards what I want with zeal. The emotions would give me so much bliss, I wish everyday I can get them back.0