I just recently got saved, and I have to say there is nothing like gods love. It is so overwhelmingly beautiful. Last year I started being intimate with a guy who I ended up falling for who did, and doesn't love me. Our back, and forth game lasted till December of 2015. I just got tired. All he wanted was sex. Sadly, i knew that though. He ended up having a girlfriend, and never told me. We decided to date eachother. I felt like something wasn't right. I felt that somone else was in the picture. I felt so low. I have never felt like this for anyone before. When I suspected it... I asked and he dodged it, and always denied it. I knew better though, and so after realizing things were not what they were I did what anyone would do. I stopped all communication, and left it alone. Afterwards, I picked up a nasty habit of smoking, and kinda began getting around. I was having panic attacks, and I was depressed. I don't smoke or sleep around anymore, thank god. He ended up leaving, and I felt like my life was restarting. I felt renewed. Well, he came back. He ended up messaging me, and we have been talking ever since. The problem with that is, my old self is coming back. What two people message each other all day, and night till three am? It's like old habits die hard. I don't want to go back to the old me. I just feel that it's impossible to be friends with someone you once loved. Old pains, and worries began resurfacing. They are tearing me apart, because I know it will never be us. I don't want this burden. I don't want to hurt anymore. He has hurt me more than he will ever know. What do I do?
A question concerning my heart, sanity, and spirit?
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