Are you constantly insecure/unsure about whether or not you are adequate & good at what you do?

So I was watching a video of a woman who did several nationally representative surveys of men and women, and she was sharing her findings about average (notice the word "average") differences between men and women.

But I always like to get feedback from people before I accept these ideas. So, men, do you identify with what she says below? Does it seem accurate?

How about women? How many of you identify with what is written below?

Among other things, she said the following:

"The deepest heart-cry of a man is 'Am I able? Am I adequate? Am I any good at what I do on the outside? Do I measure up?' We as women want to be loved and cherished and adored… Most men would give up feeling loved if they could just feel that you respect, trust, appreciate, and admire him… And they are looking for a signal from everyone around them that they do measure up…

There’s a huge difference between how men look on the outside and feel on the inside… On the outside they may look confident [or even too confident but] on the inside…all day everyday - this is how one man described it - what is running through their veins & they’re never without it: “I want to tackle a challenge, I want to do great things, I want to be a great husband or boyfriend or father or businessman…but I’m not sure I know what I’m doing & I hope no one finds out.” Underneath the surface there’s enormous self-doubt and vulnerability."

  • I relate 100% to what she said about being uncertain & wanting to prove my adequacy
    38% (6)23% (5)29% (11)Vote
  • I relate very much to what she said about being uncertain & wanting to prove my adequacy
    0% (0)36% (8)21% (8)Vote
  • I relate somewhat to what she said about being uncertain & wanting to prove my adequacy
    12% (2)14% (3)13% (5)Vote
  • 50/50
    6% (1)9% (2)8% (3)Vote
  • I don't relate
    31% (5)5% (1)16% (6)Vote
  • Results
    13% (2)13% (3)13% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

0|0
2|5

Most Helpful Guy

  • Speaking for men, I think she's more or less correct in regards to a majority of us, especially in regards to men with a more traditional mindset. There are still a lot of men who take huge pride in the job they do and working hard and feeding the family etc.. That's partially why a lot of men still believe that the more you earn in a job, the more successful you are.
    Personally, I don't agree with that. Granted, I'm not a very classic or typical guy at all. I chose my field of study and my future job mostly for passion, not for money. I enjoy being admired but that's just a personal character trait I believe. I don't take pride in working hard or earning a lot of money. I also don't think people should take pride in such things. I can't see what's so special or admirable about working your ass off. I am a competitive person but if I work, I largely do it out of passion and not for any outside recognition. I'm also different from most guys because I would be willing to quit my job and be a stay-at-home dad for a few years while my girlfriend works. Having the possibility to experience the wonderful and impressive process of seeing your baby grow up and turn into a toddler and then into a child and being able to accompany your daughter/son on this very special path fills me with awe and definitely means more to me than working hard for money. Money is cold. You can't buy yourself love or care or memories with money.
    But like I said: I'm an exception here. I think most guys still define themselves very much in terms of what they work and how well they do their job.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Nope.
    I'm good at what I do, and I know it. That speaks for itself after a while.
    I see no point in becoming arrogant about it -- I'm always looking to learn more, and get better, no matter where I stand -- but, it would be stupid to ignore objective reality and sell myself short. That'd be stupid for me AND for everyone I interact with. Everyone would lose.

    I surround myself with those whom I love, and who love me, but that has absolutely nothing to do with WHAT I am, and has everything to do with WHO I am.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • Oh son of a bitch. I just typed out an essay and pressed back. -.-; God damn it.

    In essence, that woman is generalizing the human condition. The differences lie in our social upbringing. Women aren't expected to achieve, so naturally they're less concerned with it. Men achieving and being ambitious and confident is what women desire in men--and what society teaches men.

    Women try to appear as attractive as possible, because that's how they get men interested. Men try to appear as confident, ambitious, a "fixer", provider, protector, because that's what women desire. That is their lifeline to pussy. Of course there's going to be a difference.

    And, yes, women do want to be desired and cherished, because that's their lifeline to a protector and provision. 20,000 year old instincts. 20k years ago, protection and provision was the most important thing to female survival. They had to rely on men entirely. That doesn't just vanish. It's always been true. And it's always been true that men become what women desire. Both do the same.

    Men are all competing for women. So yeah. I might agree that they're measuring themselves in that regard. But this sense of "measuring up" and "am I good enough" and "I must achieve" is simply a result of women's desires and societal teachings, in my opinion. That's what turns them on about men, in general.

    "Most men would give up feeling loved if they could just feel that you respect, trust, appreciate, and admire him… And they are looking for a signal from everyone around them that they do measure up…"

    I don't understand the differentiation. What exactly is love if it's excluding respect, trust, appreciation, or admiration? She should have defined love. Makes no sense.

    When you generalize an entire group, you're bound to be incorrect. The question is whether or not this is true enough to be true for the norm.

    ""The deepest heart-cry of a man is 'Am I able? Am I adequate? Am I any good at what I do on the outside? Do I measure up?' " I don't give a fuck about any of that. Though I wouldn't call myself a typical man. In a non self-aggrandizing sense.

    And is she really claiming that women don't have self-doubt? That women aren't vulnerable at all? If this is about the differences between men and women. Pretty sure women are vulnerable and have self-doubt, as well. It's a human thing. It's as if she's talking about men as if she's trying to convince people that they're actually human.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's not all wrong, because I used to have thoughts, similar to the ones you mentioned. But nowadays I go by the "do my best and nobody can ask for more" philosophy.

    I think many people before exams or other sorts of tests will feel those thoughts
    even if only for a little while.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is the human condition. We all naturally want to be better than we are, we want to do better than we know how. But limited perspective means we can only do so much.

    I remember something I heard as a kid that rung in me.
    "I am what I am."

    Of course we can always work to improve ourselves, but at any given moment, we are what we are. Our best is our best.
    No more can be asked.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I'd go with B.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • Nope i dont give a shit what others think...

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...