I just want him to fight for me Damn it!!! What do I do in this situation?

Me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago. Our relationship lasted 2 1/2 years. We didn't live together and We were not engaged (part of the break up). I broke up with him for so many reasons. He doesn't want to further commit on living together or getting engaged. I understand we are young (He's 22 and I'm 21) but Damn it I want to be married later on and have kids. He doesn't want that at all; he just stringed me along. He just wants to smoke his weed and "chill". In the beginning of our relationship we use to go on dates and spend a lot of time together. The last year and a half of our relationship we never went on a date and we didn't even celebrate our 2 year anniversary. I wanted to celebrate it but he made an excuse about class and just didn't want to. Now that we broke up I just want him to fight for me to take him back. I want him to know what he lost and try to get me back. I want him to try to win my love back. He just wants hook ups with me and what not, which is strange because we were each others first. My question is, what do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Move on. I was in a four or five year relationship around your age. She was in a hurry to marry and have kids, I didn't know if I ever wanted that, and to this day I don't want kids. It hurts to break away from your first "adult" relationship, but sometimes you can love someone and not still be totally wrong for each other. If I had "fought for her" or changed and gone along with what she wanted, I'd be miserable right now, and she probably would end up miserable too. You just need to wash your hands of it and realize you weren't a match, in my opinion.

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    • Typo, haha... you can love someone and still be totally wrong for each other

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    • @Joc4Position Yeah, I don't know, I feel like in my ex-girl's case, she came from a fucked up family situation, she never really had a normal home life, so I think she was very focused on starting her own family, I think she wanted that husband-wife-kids dynamic. And at that time I was just like this guy sounds like, and I wasn't sure I EVER wanted kids. And if I don't change for myself, I eventually resent the person I change for, and that doesn't do anyone any good. She went off and was having a baby within a year or two, and married shortly before or after, I forget. And it made her happy, and I'm glad for her. I went solo for the next five years and had a blast playing the field until I found the right girl, and that made me happy. So we both got what we want. And I honestly don't miss her one bit, and I doubt she misses me, by this point anyway, that was like 15 years ago. It's just been so long, we've moved on, and we both got what we wanted, it just wasn't with each other.

    • I can understand your ex girl's situation. What I can't understand is these young cats trying to "be grown" so fast. Like 17-18 popping out kids and trying to get married. Why? I'm not trying to get married and have kids until like 30. Like at your age yeah cool. I understand. At 17-18 though? Now granted the asker is 21, but still I'm trying do all that in my 30s. Why not enjoy the 20s because that's your peak you know? They wanna slow down before they hit top speed. But hey I mean it's their lives, so they can do with what they want. It's just my 2 cents.

Most Helpful Girl

  • As others have already mentioned, you should just move on from this situation.
    From what you've said about the last year and a half of your relationship, he's not going to fight to keep something he doesn't appear to have much interest in. You want him to try and win your love back, but I'm not so sure he's got any love for you.

    He wants just hookups to satisfy his sexual appetite, minus the responsibilities of a relationship. Sounds like a relationship, ending in marriage and settling down in general, is what you're looking for.
    Huge conflict of interest; let him go.

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What Guys Said 13

  • "I just want him to fight for me to take him back"

    Dafuq kind of mentality is that? You give a list of reasons why you dislike the guy and then you top it off with this borderline mental idea? Grow up, woman. The guy's not interested and neither should you be.

    Oh and expecting to be married after barely 3 years is too clingy. Might want to tone down that a little.

    "I want him to know what he lost"

    He may have been lazy himself, but the only thing he lost is a pretty clingy woman with super high expectations. Sure, some expectations in a relationship are a given, but you take them too far.

    What you should do is to move on and reevaluate your desires in life.

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  • An important lesson in life: You can't change people. They only can change themselves.

    It is clear that you and him aren't on the same wavelength and this relationship will not work out. So you either are ok with his terms or you will have to move on because what you hope for will not happen and there is no way to "I want him to know what he lost".

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  • You are crazy right now. He has a similar mindset to me where he wants to blaze and chill. Aside from wanting hook ups, he wants no drama from you. And you are the drama of his life. He doesn't want a relationship with you. It's too stressful. If you want him back you're going to have to be less clingy and emotional and expecting him to be a complete romantic. That's why my relationship wit my last girlfriend was short. She had the mindset of you and I am as stubborn as a mule. Im also brutally honest and told her strsight up being clingy is terrible and when she got pissy or emotional over small things I would completely dismiss it. I know I was a terrible boyfriend.

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  • See this is the problem with people our ages (I'm actually 22). People like you want to be married with kids and live in a house with a white fence and a dog running around. Y'all want the family life when y'all are still so young. When y'all still don't have y'all "shit together". All that stuff takes time.

    At the end of the day though if that's what people like you want then fine, sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. In your case it's not working.

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  • Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. He's the one who gradually started showing that he wasn't as interested as in the beginning. I don't see hopes there. I think you should try to move on or you'll keep suffering for nothing.

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  • you don´t break up to make him fight for you. you break up to end it. if you want him, keep him. thos foolery won´t get you far.

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  • What you can do is quit wasting your time. If he's not going to give you what you want then find someone who will. By focusing on trying to make him realize what he had you are just spinning your wheels.

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  • he doesn't want to get married and have kids, time for you to move on.

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  • You dumped him and expect him to come crawling back? You're pretty naïve.

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  • Forget him, be friendly as if u don't give a shit and at the first opportunity run him down in your car to teach him a lesson.

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  • nothing with this guy... He's lost to you, probably for good.

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  • "My question is, what do I do? "

    Let him go out of your mind and move on

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  • It's not happening.

    You'll meet someone better, and wonder why you didn't dump this guy sooner.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Keep dreaming. He's not going to fight for you. You would not be in this position if he was willing to fight for you. Forget him and move on to someone more deserving of your affection.

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  • So you thought he needed you more than you needed him. You were wrong. Your strategy of manipulation backfired spectacularly and now you have to live with it.

    Unless he gave you the impression he wanted marriage he didn't string you along. You figured he would change his mind. You were wrong.

    Guys don't owe you a ring just cos your with them for a while. Girls need to stop thinking this.

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  • Move on. Whyre you wasting ur time on someone who obviously doesn't feel the same way?

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  • He's at that age were he doesn't really care other about home friends and so on my boyfriend was the same way always chillin and smoking and being with the homies 6 years together were 22 and 23 but I feel the only thing that somewhat changed him was that his family and him had to move to a different city your not gunna get what you want especially at that age take your time don't rush him into things he doesn't want to

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