I never feel good enough?

sometimes I will feel pretty and good enough to date someone but then other times, like now, I just feel so inadquete. Like I don't know why anyone would ever want to actually be with me over other people. I just feel so meh... I guess I could lose weight which is the main thing I'm insecure about but then I feel like I'll always find something to feel low about...
I don't know at this point whether I should actually consider therapy because it actually makes me feel depressed sometimes.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What you are describing here is your self-image.
    There are 3 levels of one's self image, namely a good self-image, a mediocre and a bad one.

    An individual with a good self-image is convinced they are valuable and good from within and don't need external validation or attention to feel good about themselves.

    A person with mediocre self-image typically only feels good when she gets validation or a positive influence from the outside, yet is also very dependent on other peoples' opinions on her.

    Contrary to the 2 above, someone with a bad self image believes, they're not even worth of living and deserve nothing good. Not even a positive feedback like a compliment for example could make them feel better.

    You're saying it's making you depressed

    On the other hand , you're only feeling so low "sometimes" - I guess it's an up and down spiral therefore.

    You also mention how there'll always be something that'll make you feel insecure about yourself, meaning that you'll probably end up in a doom loop.

    These thoughts are thoughts that sufferers of Anorexia Nervosa or Body Dismorphic Disorder usually have.

    The question now is, where your mediocre-self image comes from.

    To figure this out, you should consult a therapist since it's necessary to find the root of this vicious thought pattern, a therapist will also help you account for your past.

    -

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    • Whoa this is really helpful, thanks!

    • I'm a psychology major, you can message me if you want and I can give you more advice

Most Helpful Girl

  • You are so pretty! I cannot believe someone like you is insecure. You're also a very sweet person, from what I gather of your interactions here on GaG, if they're representative of the real you.

    Any guy would be lucky to be with you. I don't know what you can do to help with self esteem. I struggle with that myself.

    I also feel inadequate and I will turn down guys if they're attractive, sweet, and smart because I feel they can do better than me.

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    • Aw thank you, literally you're so pretty and lovely too!
      That's so sad you feel that way :(

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    • I'd advise you to focus on loving yourself first. Or else you're gonna fall for any sucker who treats you "special", even if he's not being sincere. Because you're gonna be craving love, but you don't know what kind. So you figure seeking it from others, it will feel nice at first, but then you'll be torn after you realize it wasn't genuine. It's what many women fall trap to.

      So don't make the same mistakes we all did, love yourself first. I wish someone had told me that before getting into a relationship!

    • Aw thanks so much for this! :D
      So weird, one of the guys who let me down and essentially rejected me (after promising me the world lol), has randomly just this moment messaged me :/

What Guys Said 11

  • Aww, you don't have to be perfect silly. I know it's not much of an answer, but I still feel like that over lots of things. I think it's perfectly human. We're far too self critical. Allowing yourself to be imperfect can also be bonding. We're all ultimately the same.

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    • True, wise words :)

    • I suppose to be a bit more tangible, sometimes we exclude ourselves from opportunities because of our insecurities. In essence, we reject ourselves! You *can* aim higher!

  • meh... we all get those sometimes. like when you date someone who is just so amazing to you, you begin feeling like you can't keep up or can't make them as happy as they make you.
    Keep your chin up... you'll be alright.

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  • I understand you Alex, if you'd be in a stable relationship this feeling would probably not be there but after some setbacks it very human and understandable you get that feeling.
    However: the simple answer to your question "why anyone would love you over other people" is: because you're Alex!
    People are not perfect and that's what makes us all unique. And yes you will meet someone who loves both your strong and weak points :D !

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  • When people have issues with self-esteem, I tend to link them this.
    www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/.../infopax.cfm

    You should read some of it.

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  • Well you know we all have our cyclical repetition of high and low emotions, if you see what I mean. It's normal for us, but if it becomes annoying and prevents you from actually being happy and doing what you want... If you feel the need to, I guess you can consider having a therapy. I mean, just do what you feel is the best...

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  • This is a problem relating to the fundamental ideas in your mind. If one accepts the philosophy that almost everyone in this or any other culture accepts, love is not possible of self or of others.

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  • We all have our good days and our bad days. You shouldn't worry about it. As for taking action though, and thinking about losing weight and such, it's good attitude and will motivate you in the long run.

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  • Its because you don't love yourself, if you did you would feel good enough.

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  • Well then loose weight and turn hot OP

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What Girls Said 6

  • You have very low self esteem and it is very evident by the photos you continuously put up.
    You seek compliments here because it's something that you dont receive in real life.
    You have to understand a million compliments coming from the lips of others, isn't enough to give you self confidence.
    It's all about how you feel on the inside.
    When you feel great about you, accept who you are as a whole, your flaws, your imperfections, your likes, your dislikes, your accomplishments, your failures that you can use to turn over a new leaf and do greater in future, then you will love you and it won't matter what ANYONE has to say.

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    • Hearing you're "gorgeous" or "beautiful" does nothing but make you feel temporarily good.
      You want long term achievement don't you?
      If so, start working on the inside first.

  • you are gorgeous

    but yeah, if you want to drop the weight, you can. I mean, for me, even if it sounds superficial, it made me feel much more sexy.

    However, you should have reasons to love yourself enough as you are. You seem like a very sweet person and very beautiful too. I think that you just haven't found a guy that can appreciate you as you are <3 And the right one will.

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    • But the weight loss (I have to emphasize with a healthy diet!!! and sports) may give you that confidence boost you are needing!

    • Aw thank you so much :D
      I hope so, I should probably not look for them so much and just let it happen naturally.

  • I feel the same, always criticizing myself but most people will overlook those minor details & see you as a whole. The thing is nobody is "perfect", everyone has "flaws". I know it's hard but try to think of what you do like about yourself & make the most of what you've got. :)

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  • Same feeling... Don't know how to advice you, I need help my self

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  • Well probably because they like the other girl better and then they shove it in your face. Can't blame you.

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  • Ahhh yes, I recall you used to post lots of rate me questions (perhaps because of this feeling). Girl jusy, remember you are awesome and so pretty! Love yourself and others will follow quickly, lead by example.

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