How do you know if you're lust lying to yourself when you say you're attractive?

I try very hard not to be depedant on other people, but I can't help but second guess my looks sometimes.

I consider myself just above average, it its based on personal opinion and ratings I have gotten. I think I look good and my looks are the thing im most confident about (from experience most girls are the oposit) . But sometimes i feel like im just lying to myself, and im not as attractive as i feel like i am.

Some will find me very attractive, some find me average and others will find me hideous, and im completely find with that. But, and here the reason I started with "i try not to be depedant on other people", I have never had a boyfriend before. Sure guys i liked me and i have dated, but with the guys i liked the most (and for once didn't compromise with looks) it never worked out.

On top of that a cute guy show interest in me maybe once a year, and yes, it never works out. I understand that personality plays a big role. The reason i second guess my looks are because out of the 10 guys that show intrest in me only 1, maybe 2, are attractive to me.

So basically what im asking is how do i know if im just lying to myself when i say i feel sexy or attractive? I mean the guys approaching me must surely belive im on their level physically, either that or they have very highty self esteem or they're just trying their luck


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not sure how much looks matter except as a minimum standard and an initial attraction. Like the decor in a restaurant it will bring you in but no matter how good it looks if the food or service is bad you won't be coming back. On the other hand no matter how good the food is most people like a minimum standard of decoration and cleanliness.

    I'm not especially good looking but by the time I was in my early 20's and could read women well I was surprised when an unattached woman wasn't obviously interested in me.

    Don't know why, the conclusion i came to is other men must be really seriously useless.

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Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 6

  • Out of 10 guys interested, you found 2 that were attractive. So the bar you set is the upper 20%, but you only consider yourself just above average.

    If we use out of 10 rating, you can't be a 6/7 and expect to date 8/9s.

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    • I dont expect anything, like i said i know where i stand (or like to belive) looks wise so I dont go for the really attractive guys. Most 8/9 guys go for girls who are also 8/9... But i can't control who i find attractive..

    • That's from a purely physical standpoint, I suspect however, your looks are enough to get the guys you find attractive, but something else is putting them off. Which is a different question entirely.

      Anyway, we can't tell if you're lying to yourself without seeing you. At best we can offer guesses.

    • I guess. . I know I do self sabotage when it comes to dating and I have high expectations in terms of behavior. For example when we first date i have a hard time not suspecting the guy for only being there for my looks. I'll tell myself "he doesn't really like me he just wants to sleep with me", which leads me to expect/want the guy to prove to me he likes me by doing most of the work in the begging. My behavior /personality is my main insecurity. Maybe guys notice it and that puts them off

  • Random people have to agree or disagree. Not people you know, random strangers. Good looks is like a market, you are only as good looking as much as what others think. Almost like the price of a asset is the price the market is willing to pay.

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    • yes, randome people have told me im attractive.. or at leats cute.. i have even had random people walk up to me just to tell me im beautiful.. and i do know.. but its hard not to second guess it when i see most guys who are interested...

  • Attractiveness is subjective... I know that you should see yourself as a beautiful woman and that's it...

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  • I don't consider myself good looking, so when others tell me I am, I assume they are lying, so it's easy.

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  • participate on how I look posts anonymously. everybody will be brutally honest to an anonymous person.

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  • http://imgur.com/Lb7So4Y I feel like it like I tell myself I look good but it's like my brain goes why are you lying to yourself you look like shit

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What Girls Said 1

  • same goes to me. i think I'm attractive. WHen i have an interest in someone they will notice it and show interest back or be confused. I sometimes feel super ugly too. We all think we're attractive at some point. I wish I was more confident in myself and stop caring about looks

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