Most Helpful Guy
Far to long and boring.
Where is the personal flair and style?
Where is the subject of interest?
I'd recommend cutting it down to half it's original size and focusing more on who you are as a person rather then your relations with others. Maybe also cut out some random opinions that give off an air of indulgence like the comment about under 27 and their mentality.
Finally... there are way to many 'lol's' in there.2