Critique my prose-poem?

This may be a strange question but I would like opinions on something I wrote. It's a bit heavy

"I’m chained, the knot wrapped tightly round my wrist
Tethered at a point beyond my sight and my reach
I lie under the cancerous sun trying to break free

Free, always the goal –

Yet the more I resist the tighter the pull
The metal links dig deeper, tearing my flesh
While crimson red blood stains white skin
Crimson red hair spread across white sand

Spread open wide, naked on the shore, on my back
On my back, the way he had always preferred me
He extends a hand, yet I’ve seen them as shackles
He holds me the same, equally unable to break free

Albeit more sweetly, he bruises my wrists, bruises my neck
On all fours where he deems I belong, collared and begging
As if bound inescapably by the contract of my own affection
For its return, if interminable, I would remain happily manacled

Still, he stands grinning above me, as the sun sets deeper
The tide grows higher and he watches as it laps ever closer
I meet his gaze and wait silently, now, against grains in an hourglass

My complexion warms and flushes like water against the coast
And I hope desperately I shouldn’t be left to drown
His fool, his beggar, his captive, his ghost"

Thanks for any opinions!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • scene from Saw

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    • It's primarily metaphorical, but partially true

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    • little h elp here

    • I don't think the point is to see behind the curtain. At least not for me when I read poetry. It's clearly about feeling trapped and in pain

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yea I like it.
    Gave me ideas haha

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What Guys Said 2

  • It's good but the delivery needs work. It needs more emotion and the build up needs work too because you don't really get sucked into but I'm not good at poems, story telling is more my thing

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  • not good

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What Girls Said 1

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