ARE THEY USING ME?

Ok , so I recently came into a windfall and I am using the money to finish my home.

I've given to a cousin who needed lab tests because he was sick.

I've given to friends and a coworker

And the rest am using to finish the house.

Since people found out, they started begging me to lend them 2000 for cars, 3000 grand paying laborers and some for doing their hair. All these people are working and I find their needs to be superficial as in not all that important. Its not like if they were sick or needed bills paid to avoid cutting off.

My cousin came today and asked me to give him 4000 to do a project. Should I?

I dont want to be walked all over but I feel like they are all just asking me to use me

  • 1. Lend everyone who asks
    5% (1)0% (0)2% (1)Vote
  • 2. Lend those that have real un- superficial needs
    5% (1)18% (4)12% (5)Vote
  • 3. Focus on getting my home finished?
    74% (14)73% (16)73% (30)Vote
  • 4. Other (please explain)
    16% (3)9% (2)13% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Put it all into paying off any and all debt you may have, first.

    Then fund your retirement accounts as much as possible.

    Then consider being charitable.

    Disconnect the phone and stop answering the door if the moochers come by.

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    • @Curmudgeon thanks, good advice... really!

    • Seriously, pay off everything, including the mortgage. They can't bum money from you that isn't there anymore, and you will be debt free.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You should use your money to do what you need to do first. If you have cash left over, then you can happily help out friends. Don't hand out cash willy nilly though, otherwise you may be taken for granted

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    • @lexythelou22 exactly, i thought the same thing.

What Guys Said 13

  • Your money your choice. I chose b because I do think people should help out where they can, however I would preface this with the warning that at the end of the day your life and needs need to be a priority. The fact is every one is going to "need" something from you so do not be unwilling to help but don't give away everything you have either because these same people are more then likely not going to help you out when you need it. In all honesty helping people out is less about the money and more about the time and effort you put into them so if some one is actively asking you for money and wants nothing else then chances are they are trying to use you. So help where you can but keep in mind that if you can't stay afloat then you can't help any one, so you need to also be a priority.

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  • I said C). you obviously have a heart, but I think you are putting your own needs last. I used to do that a lot and basically people will walk all over you. Its like handing out cat food... other cats come around and word spreads.

    Take care of your situation, then decide how much you have left, what you will do with it. You don't have to spend it all, you can decide what you save, give away, etc.. Pray about it if you pray. I'm a Christian. I know I should be saying B) but I think you need to take care of your needs first although it sounds selfish. Maybe sit down with someone you trust (fee only planner) to figure out how to manage the money... I'm not hearing that in your short message.

    Be careful making loans because some people won't pay it back and it strains relationships.

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    • @lightbulb27 I am a christian as well but sometimes I am lost as to what to do. I know we should give to those that need and turn the other cheek but I really dont want to be used. I will pray about this tho.

  • "I've given to a cousin who needed lab tests because he was sick" I'd tell him to send you the bill NOT pay him upfront.
    As far as everything or everyone else YOU FIRST!
    These people are "borrowing" money & are going to CHEAT you out of all of it.

    money changes people, don't let them mooch off of you.

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    • @THE_Godfather I see. thanks for your sound advice

  • Lending to everyone eliminates the need to figure out which needs are superficial as you put it, and which ones are not. Lending to those who have real needs means you will have more to lend out and keep, but have more to sort through. Focusing on getting your home finished would be good for you. You probably are being used either way, but the decision is up for you to decide. I said focus on getting your home finished because it seems like you might become unbalanced and snap. People can give so much of themselves then feel lost and if they snap, a few galaxies or universes could die.

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    • @Psi_Unknown somehow I find this deep and poetic but I get where you are coming from. thank you!

    • You are welcome. It seemed like a practical, logical answer, but I try to be truthful, give meaning, and sense to it.

    • @Psi_Unknown thanks just the same

  • Only lend to someone whose health requires a fiscal infusion like helping pay for surgery, otherwise it's not important.

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    • @abc3643 he had Leptospirosis and Chikunguyna in the end. He is better now and I am glad I helped.

    • Leptospirosis is deadly. It shuts down your organs especially your liver first

      Glad he made it out ok

  • The only people who you should even think about lending money to at all is family it super close friends. and that's after your done with your home. that $2000 you loaned your friend did he ever pay you back or start giving you any money at sll? it sounds like your bing used for your money because people use to do the same thing to me when I was working 48 hours a week.

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    • @skykidx1 haven't loan him and this is the second excuse. Before he wanted it to buy a car. Now he is giving a different story.

    • Good don't loan him shit

  • Are you seriously asking this. It's YOUR money. Just because a person asks it doesn't mean you need to give them money. You also don't need to feel guilt for not giving them money.

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    • @Blueeyes81 I believe they are trying to make me feel guilty.

  • Gaining a lot of money can unfortunately cause lots of people that you didn't even know were friends to come out of the wood work. Be selfish. Family is one thing, but you need to use it on you.

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    • @worldscolide thanks for your help.

  • I have been through this. Just stop. Sooner or later you will have too anyway. Then they will be pissed. So save your money for you. Everyone has a sad story.

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  • never be selfish, but focus on your home now... shoulda voted c.

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  • its your money, its okay to be selfish about it, I would.

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    • @brewersfan01 I know, but I do help others , just that I need to focus on me now. i think they are tryna make me feel guilty.

  • They are using you. You will end up going broke before you live your life. They are bums!

    Give no more money to anyone!!! They are using you.

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  • Meh why do people ask you so much?

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What Girls Said 6

  • Put yourself first. You sound like a good person but don't let people take advantage of you. At the end of the day, it's your money. People will ask and beg for money from you but you can't guarentee that you'll get it back. Finish your house first. IF then you have money left over and want to help people, go ahead but don't do it unless it's something unsuperficial as you said.

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    • @Blonde401 thanks a lot, I will.

  • Yes it's wonderful to help people who need it but you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. Once you've gotten yourself covered then worry about helping others

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    • @kittykatg I know but these people inturn get mad like if they are entittled.

    • And you don't need those people in your life

    • I know, thanks

  • Anyone who was asking you for money is using you. It is your choice school to allow. Focus on finishing your house and putting the rest in the stock market or in a bank. Give only to those you love and care about and make certain it is considered only alone. Personally I would give to no one

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    • @DianeDuffus thanks a lot. I am thinking the same as well.

    • Honestly, it is called sticking up for yourself. If you gave away all your money to those who ask when is the next time you come into a windfall? Probably never so this one time has to be your time. I am proud of your decision

    • @DianeDuffus thanks, I know

  • yup, they're maybe using you or maybe think you'll be too kind and have all the money of the world. ignore it and focus to your goal. it's your money, so it's yourself the priority, not some other people

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    • @sailorjupiter I hate it when people see you for nothing more than what you have. I agree with you too. I need to finish the house.

  • focus on your needs

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    • @ COCOCHANEL thanks, I will

  • Are you serious or just making this up. I think you know you should not lend to everybody who ask. I believe you wished you won the lotto and are making this up for imagination purposes. It's obvious you know the difference of being used or not. If you lent to everyone how would you get your house fix? I believe you made up this story for false attention. I 'm calling this story and question pure bullsh**

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    • @Anon, no am dead serious but I've been called inhumane before so I really am curious as to whay others think as well.

    • Oh okay I apologize I came across a couple of stories yesterday after advising realize it was false. Well this is one case where you should remain inhumane as they are using. No matter how much money you have you don't owe them anything. When a person comes into a large some of money often friends and relatives feel some is owed to them and it is not. When they receive their paycheck large or small no one can reasonably ask for a portion. So do not let them do that to you. Best of luck to you, my apologies for being harsh.

    • @Anon, thanks you and its okay. I think I am gonna keep that way , because being good ain't always good.

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