What would you do if you were me? I'm nearly 25, female, never kissed, virgin?

Hi everyone! Thanks for reading. I made this post as I am feeling very sad, and very desperate and lonely. I will be 25 in the summer. I have completed graduate school and work full-time at a medical school. I have never been on a date, never kissed, and I'm probably the oldest virgin out there. My family is originally from Pakistan, but a lot of people mistaken me for being middle eastern, Italian, Spanish, or Mexican.

So many of my friends are married, engaged or have had long-time boyfriends. I have never come close. I blame it on my appearance. In HS, I was very unattractive, but since then, I have lost some weight, and learned to take better care of myself. Even though I dress better now, I have not noticed a change in how men respond to me. I always make sure to say hello to others, but people look right past me.

I have dreamed about having a love marriage someday, that someone might love me and want to marry me. Now, i feel that that won't happen for me. My mom is arranging my marriage, and I feel like I should take what I can get. I'm not from a rich family, nor do I have a lot of offer in terms of property, homes, etc. but I think I could be a decent wife and mother someday.

Not knowing how I look, what would you do if you were me? I am seriously considering meeting someone off the internet to get my first kiss before my 25th birthday. What do you think my options are, and how can i deal with feeling like this? i feel very, very sad, and there is no one I can go to about this. I feel very lonely, and like a left-over that no one wants to look at. My feelings are valid, so don't tell me I'm being dramatic.

Please give me some advice or some help. I really need it and will appreciate it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm 29 and in the same boat. If it happens it happens. I almost don't care if it does or does not happen. This world is a social place and wants everybody to be the same, which I have never been. I've always been the outcast, the quiet one, the one that nobody would approach for friendship or anything else. I find most people that I know are from work. My best friend, is a girl, and I met her at my last part time job. We became friends over a few years, sucks that she had a boyfriend for many years and then split up with him. And I know she doesn't like me. So I just do whatever I want nowadays, look for a job, maybe there is love somewhere, but I k kw that I'm going to have to make he move because no girl will ever even speak to me.

    So I'll likely end up being that weirdo you see siting at the bar alone, eating and drinking a beer, not talking to anybody. I already do it, I'll just do it more often when I have more money

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well I'm 24 and I'm a virgin and never had my first kiss but I'm happy because it's a choice I have made, but you are still young you will definitely find someone trust me. But I understand what you are going through seeing your friends getting married or having long term relationships, so I will say try talking to a guy if you see someone you like try starting a conversation my friend tried it at clubs and she was happy when guys were talking to her. Always have a friend with you that you can trust and they can help you through it.

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What Guys Said 20

  • Wish I could help you. But I too live on the outskirts of society, and have very little money. Been in one serious relationship where things went pretty far, and it ended horribly. Been in a few others where things never did get that serious. They too ended horribly. When I was younger, I was always the sucker for the damsel in distress, even if she deserved her distress.

    Be careful with online pairings. A lot of men online are shady, and would only bring you problems. Avoid sites like Craigslist. That's where you meet weirdos who will probably kill you in your sleep. POF has some good, some bad. Match... I don't know.

    Not sure of your faith; but if you had the money for it, ChristianMingle is pretty good / okayish. (I don't have money for it.)

    I've struck a pretty peaceful equilibrium in my life, though I have nobody to share it with.

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  • If I were you?

    I am slightly older to you, I have never kissed and I am 100% a virgin and I have always been single, so what? I don't let these things bother me. You shouldn't compare yourself with others, unnecessary comparisons are not good. There is no competition here.

    Just be yourself and let people say whatever they want, you shouldn't care about all that. You should be proud of who you are.

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  • I am almost 26 and never kissed or been on a date. So you are not the oldest. Try to avoid comparing your life to what you think others are like. No one expects you to have a first date by the age of (x), a first kiss by (y), and so on. You move at your own pace. You can try dating sites. Many out there. Can be risky but worth a try if you can't seem to find anyone in person.

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    • Thanks, I have made a profile and am talking to someone near me. I think i might meet up with him and maybe ask him to give me my first kiss, so I finally won't be an ugly old hag anymore.

  • 1. Arranged Marriage is a no-no. Sure, feel free to meet the guy - who knows, you might click. But don't have a relationship just for the sake of having one. It's doomed to fail.

    2. "I'm not from a rich family, nor do I have a lot of offer in terms of property, homes, etc. but I think I could be a decent wife and mother someday."
    Guys seriously don't care about this. Its more of a girl thing to care about.

    3. Lets assume you are somewhat average looking now after being in better shape and all. There must be a reason why guys don't approach you. Maybe you don't make yourself approachable (sitting at home will not let Mr. Right come along. Neither will be always being surrounded by friends nor avoiding social activities in general). It could also be you being TOO shy that you kinda get overlooked. There are plenty of reasons. A lack of attraction surely isn't as statistically every 10-20th guy is attracted to you. That's plenty enough to get some suitors.

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  • I think 24 is an ok age for being the way you are. I'm 26 and still a virgin. I've never really had a girlfriend that meant something to me. Don't settle for someone that you have no interest in. Do yourself a favor and be a little patient. Everyone's life is different to another. So people find love in their teens, some find it later as they're much older. Some don't even find it. Just stop comparing yourself to other relationships. I've been doing the same thing and it's a little hard to deal with because I've experienced love and just about all of my friends are getting married or in a serious relationship. It's like I'm the natural third wheel lmao it's funny but sad at the same time

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  • You are still young and love is not something you can make happen on your time. It just depend on the right man to understand you and love you for you. Just don't rush into things because your 25th birthday is coming up. There are jerks out there and if you meet one then you will be thinking to yourself how could you let that happened because you wanted your first kiss. A lustful kiss is just a kiss but a kiss of love is a kiss you know thats meant to be.

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  • Behan, everyone lives life differently, so do not stress

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  • hey im from pakistan too, by the way if i were you, i would wait for the marriage, and im sure you could be a decent wife and mother someday, and and wanting a first kiss is a bad idea i think so because before marriage if you do that you'll have feelings for him probably and then you dont wanna marry with whom your mom is arranging a marriage. so i would suggest you to probably wait for your marriage.

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    • by the way im 24 and i also never kissed anyone before. so dont worry

    • So, what basis do you have for stating how she will feel if she finds someone to kiss?
      If you have no experience in the matter yourself then you have know actual knowledge except for the dogma that you have been fed by others!

  • I am newer kissed virgin...

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  • What would I do if I were you? Get a sex change, because being a guys is awesome :D. Don't worry I'm a 26 year old virgin who has never kissed.

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  • if i wanted sex, i´d just get some. if i didn´t, i´d wait till i find a decent guy. pretty straight forward.

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  • It is not so much as to whether or not you are a virgin, it is more so whether or not you have loved a guy before me (especially before you graduated high school).

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  • Be more personal with your peers, and lighten up while you're at it.

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  • ill just give thanks to the lord for keeping me safer.

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  • I'm not very experienced but I have more than you and I'm good looking with a nice smile.

    If you're really interested you can contact me. We can talk, then we can meet and I'll take you on the best date ever, show you how to kiss and do everything perfectly.

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  • I'm not within the compatibility range for age, but as long as you have a nice personality I don't mind any other factors. i plan to stay a virgin much later than you have, by choice, but i don't think being a virgin is a bad thing.

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  • i'm 26 and the same. get a life. partners aren't the only thing in existence... .

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  • I would love and definitely not mind at all being your first kiss, I swear!!

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What Girls Said 9

  • Take it from someone who has been around the block. I wish someone would arrange a marriage for me xD I think you should meet him and provided you get along and fancy him and there's no major alarm bells ringing - just go for it. Half the problem with dating is finding those things and the other half is keeping their interest long enough to turn it into anything serious. They can't lose interest if u get married so that's that problem solved!

    All this true love nonsense is just that. Its hard enough to find someone decent who you are compatible with and fancy. Like nigh on impossible. So vet the guy well and if he fits into that category then get the ring on his finger asap.

    If u don't like him or don't feel u would grow to love him then politely decline and keep looking. x

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  • Get on tinder, put up your hottest profile pics. and GO GET YOURSELF A DAMN BIRTHDAY KISS!!!
    You deserve it. You're 25, you shouldn't be what you dont want to be. Don't let your mother arrange anything for you! UNLESS THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT!'

    It is time for you to grow up and go after what you want in life... And if that is to kiss someone, Go and put yourself out there and stop waiting for others to solve all problems for you. You're cleary a studious and hard working person (since you're in med school)... Stop being so afraid and just put yourself out there. Go out with a few guy friends, ask if it's okay with kissing them. There is NOTHING wrong with that... you dont have to do anything you don't want to do. BUT if you want to stop being a virgin in both kiss and more, the least you can do is put yourself out there. Go kiss someone already!
    That's at least step 1 to get to step 2... once that has happened then you can see what's next and what you want and whether you want to take things further with someone you trust and want to have more intimacy with.. But don't be afraid and don't put the RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR LOVE LIFE in your parents or your mother's hand... You have a life of your own for a reason. USE IT!

    Good luck! :)

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  • Im pretty young in terms of this, but what i think is that you shouldn't blame yourself or feel bad for being virgin and never been kissed. I think its difficult to just meet somebody, it really is. Dont just take the first one that comes to you, that will not make you happy. Maybe get on a dating websites, that can really bring people together, it makes everything easier. Fiind a lot of dates with people you find interesting and see if you click with any of them, if not just keep going and dont give up on yourself :) That is what i would do.

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  • I don't think you are being dramatic at all. You have valid concerns and we all have times when we feel like we've missed the boat. However, you are not alone. I know a few people in very similar situations to you and they are great people. Try not to be so fixated on the number. I think online dating could be good for you. And maybe let your mom set you up but tell her its just for dating and not marriage right away. Good luck!

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  • I can really feel you. But let me tell u something.
    Listen, girl. First of all what you should do is to care about yourself. Im sure you dont love yourself as much as u have to. Dont overthink about this issue. Stop thinking about it would be hard unless u start doing ur favorite social activities. I dont know what do u really like to do or what u have always dreamed to do in your childhood but start doing it. Take some healthy schedueles and go on a nice diet. Run and exercise and move. Learn a new instrument. Get to know more people. Just stop thinking about the issue and start caring more about yourself. Caring about yourself and participating in social programs will make you look smarter and attractive, trust me,

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  • doesn't matter wait for the prince of your dreams marry him keep ur virginity till marriage im not religious but either way if you have waited this long then your a strong enough independent beautiful woman who can do what ever you want till your prince charming comes along. don't be looking for no niggah let him find you it will come just be patient xx

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  • I think you should make an account on okcupid and find someone who matches you. Meet up with some guys and see if you hit it off. Be careful though and meet in public.

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  • if you thing about it its actually a good thing as it means you have no STD's and no bad sexual history and what person who really cares about you would care if you had ever kissed anyone before.

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  • im 23 and i had my first sexual experience and kiss when I was 22. Just go on tinder and set up some dates... and by the way kissing is not that great if you dont like the person...

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