I'm really shy. How do I overcome it?

I'm a naturally shy girl, and I don't want to be. I mean, some of my friends are so out there and I want to be like that. But I can never find that boldness within myself. How can I overcome my shyness and fear of embarrassment? What do I do? I want to make more friends and I want to make people laugh, but I just get so scared about talking to new people or in front of a lot of people. Help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Start going to Walmart when it very crowded and screaming "HELP ME, I'VE JUST POOPED MY PANTS!" You'll loosen up in no time.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel that. Up until last year, I was so shy no one hardly noticed me. I went through a fairly depressing freshman year of high school with just a few friends and nothing that even resembled a love life. The summer after freshman year, I decided I was going to make a change - and it worked. Sophomore year I was asked to both homecoming and prom (different guys), found my way into multiple friend groups, and even gained some leadership positions I wouldn't even have dreamed of applying for the year before.

    The first thing I worked on was feeling physically confident because, shallow or not, that makes a huge difference. I had always loved a confident, free-spirited look, so I saved up some money and bought a few new outfits that made me feel like a million bucks. I swapped my glasses for contacts, experimented with hairstyles until I found one that I loved, figured out how to actually put on makeup successfully, and worked out a bit.

    I started getting more into music and let that help me define my personality. One thing that may sound stupid but really helped was picking a "theme song" - a song that sort of describes who you want to be or just something that makes you feel confident. Mine ended up being "Wild Child" by Kenny Chesney. I didn't really try to do it, it just happened - I would always picture myself as the girl I wanted to be when I listened to that song, and it happened that whenever I put my earbuds in and listened to it I would become her.

    This may not work for everyone, but being a girl who likes to write, I actually wrote down what I wanted to be. But I didn't write down "I want to be confident and free-spirited." I wrote down "I am confident and free-spirited." This truly sounds cheesy, but putting it down in words actually helped.

    It was difficult at first when school started, but I made it a goal to step outside of my comfort zone. When I had something to say, I told myself I would say it. It didn't always work - but it did a few times, and those few times made all the difference. Once you get a little bit out of your comfort zone, it's so much easier to keep going because you'll see the difference. When friends laugh at your jokes or a guy shows interest in you for the first time, it's an amazing and encouraging feeling.

    Whew. So that was a lot. I apologize if I ended up sounding like a self-help book, but it's an amazing feeling looking back on how far you've come and I've been waiting to share that with someone.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Well, you've got friends - so clearly you are doing just fine. But you can always talk to people to get more excericse in talking

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  • The only way to do that is to just talk to random people about what ever comes to mind, like a job that forces you to talk to people you don't know so you get over it in time but it will take time to feel more confident about doing it

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What Girls Said 1

  • I am so shy as well... Just start talking to people. About homework, hobbies, other stuff. I've been doing that lately and it's helped me to get to know other people more.

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