[Reject] Have I acted meanly or did he overreact?

So, there is this overweight guy in my neighborhood who has have a crush on me for few years, which I didn't answered back. He never told me I noticed that, since he never moved along, and I thought he was quite a good friend.
A couple of months ago he suddenly decided to take the great step and confess, so I just said the truth, with the one single phrase "I'm sorry, you're a great guy with a great personality, but I don't find you physically attractive." he started crying and run to his house.
Since that episode, he gained a lot of weight, and I never saw him leaving his place but for going to work. A couple of his colleagues also happen to be my friend, and told me that he went from being the clown of the office to a silent shadow who doesn't speak with anyone no more since then.
I feel super guilty, but anytime I go knocking to his door he refuses to talk with me, what should I do?


1|0
3|6

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you being honest was quite fair. He just overreacted. He seems to have extreme issues with self confidence and made the mistake of putting you on a pedestal.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • That was what I called brutally honest and it is needed in some case altho with him , you could used a little more tact.

    He is propbably going through a depression. He took a serious hit to his confidence and ego. Try to see if you can apologize. Altho I dont approve of the way it was handled , i also dont believe you must pretend to love someone when you aren't into them.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 5

  • I, a fat and unattractive guy, am on your side with this.
    You actually didn't straight up said "I don't like you 'cause you're a disgusting fat blob.", you just said that you don't like how he looks like, that's really all. And you've been quite kind.
    As you can probably imagine, my success with women is next to zero, but the only one time that I wasn't hurt it was when a girl told me "You seem sweet, but I don't think I would like your physique". Why? She has been honest! I can look to myself every fucking day in the mirror, I already know I'm not Mr. Universe, to use an euphemism! As long as you don't like because I am not attractive that's okay, you are just telling the truth. Those who hurt are those who make me realize I look dumb enough to 'em to buy their crap.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Daaaaang... you killed him lol... you could have just said you weren't interested... you said physically attractive. Man, just hope he doesn't hit the gym and come back as this Johnny Bravo looking guy and you start regretting loool... I've seen it happen.

    0|0
    0|0
    • It is not only about the fat (that I wouldn't mind so much), it is mostly about the face :) And I'm not so stupid, if I reject a guy once, I reject him forever :)

    • probably knows that, probably why it stung more...

  • Yeah, I think you destryosd his confidence. If somebody tells you they like you, you don't tell them exactly why you don't like them, unless they are the type to be boastful and can take that kind of talk, like telling a jerk they are a jerk.

    You can say that you already go out with someone, or say hey I'm sorry I'm not interested in dating right now. Or even go out with them once and not again. People who are self conscious about weight shouldn't have to be told it's because of that. You should make up a list of excuses that sound like there is no way that you would be available.

    0|0
    0|0
    • But giving out excuses is so mean! I can't do that! Why people seems to be less bothered to be treat as if they are dumb rather than listen to the truth?

  • You have killed his confidence but a lot of his issues can not be blamed on you he got shot down he needs to deal with that life is about rejections sometimes if you feel that you want to speak to him about all this maybe the best way is write him a letter explain you decision

    0|0
    0|0
    • I already did, I put a letter under his door, but I don't know if he has ever read it.

    • You can not shoulder the blame for this he needs to get over it

  • wow. you completely destroyed his self esteem with one sentence.

    0|0
    0|0
    • That is what I'm afraid of... I didn't mean to be harsh on him, I just wanted to tell him the truth. I really think he is a great guy!

    • you could've gone a little easier on him. well it's too late now, the damage is done. lets just hope he'll be able to recover.

What Girls Said 2

  • Lol I think you could have gone with "but I only see you as a friend" not "I'm not physically attracted to you" (even though I know it's true and you're just being honest). You could try writing him a letter and sticking it under his door, or catch him as he's going to work and apologize. It's a white lie but tell him it has nothing to do with weight you just say it's like his style or hair or whatever or you like blonde guys or some bullshit. He probably did overreact a little but at the same time I bet he already has self confidence issues about his weight and your comment def did not help.

    0|1
    0|0
    • I honestly don't feel like lying to anybody is a good thing... also he's very smart, and I'm a terrible liar, so I think he might take that as an offense to his intelligence. Some guys told me BS to "reject me nicely" in the past, like "I only see you as a friend", and honestly it has always hurt more than the once who said to me "You are not my type." ... I also wrote a letter to him and put it under his door, but I don't know if he has read it.

    • * the ones

    • Yea that's fair. I'm just saying, cuz now you're in damage control mode. I see what you're saying but everyone is different. He sounds more sensitive than you so he might have reacted better to a just friends thing.

  • Oh come on, you did nothing wrong! People are getting more and more self-conscious! There is nothing with not liking some else's body! He will eventually find a girl who will like him or not, none of this is your business, if you wouldn't have rejected him you would have started a relation which is based on pity, which is incredibly wrong for the both of you!

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...