How do I stop being a people pleaser?

Recently I feel like everyone is taking advantage of me. For example, my friend always talks about her love life but when I talk about mine, she says that she thinks I deserve someone better and then doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Same with the guy I'm seeing, I always let him listen to his music in the car, and in bed I like cuddling but he doesn't so we don't do it. I need to stand up for myself but I don't want to lose these people.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Try to come up with a compromise with your friends and the guy your dating, i. e. you listen to his whenever you're both in his car, then yours when you're driving in your car. Or your friend gets to vent about her love life while you listen, then she reciprocates by listening to you talk for a while.

    Try actually vocalizing these things to them. My guess is that they're not even really aware that this is happening or you feel that way since nothing is said. Remember YOU and you alone set the limits for what you will and won't stand for.

    A good litmus test is the quote, "When you say yes to someone, make sure you're not actually saying no to yourself."

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What Guys Said 5

  • Well reading everything you typed.. I would say do what is best for you.. not what others think or even say.. do not tell them anything if you chose not too.. but I will say if she is a good friend she will listen to you and respect your decision.. if she does not.. she may not be as good a friend as you thought she was. Also I would say that you sound to me like a person that does stand up for yourself and that is great.. but you have to stand up to your friends as well.. they are friends only.. your life is your life... not theirs.. hope all works out for you.. take care

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  • You need to start living for yourself, you need to stop thinking about people, you need to stop caring about what people think or may think about you.

    I know it's easier said than done.

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  • your last phrase "... but i don't want to lose these people"... thats your problem right there.
    gotta let people know that you have your own wants and desires. and if they can't get with it, they can get out. its how to earn Respect for yourself and stop being a "patsy"... when you lose the fear of losing people, people will respect you. I've done it. it worked. i was a people pleaser too... now... i just don't give a fuck and now i have people Begging to be my friend.

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  • I used to be a people pleaser and got pissed on daily. One day I just said screwed it and now I speak my mind whenever, wherever. I have been single for a very long time due to it butttttt at least I'm not living a lie. If you lose them, it's their loss for being stupid and not taking your emotions into account. You do not live to please them.

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  • You sound like a kind girl... i would cuddle up with you in bed, no questions asked!

    Why he doesn't wanna cuddle? So weird

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What Girls Said 9

  • No Matter who it is here, dear, Never Allow Anyone to Mistake your Kindness for Weakness. You will always find all of the time that people Will... Take advantage of this.
    Be stronger and let them see the "New Me." With a fresh Beginning to a Beguine that they may See, Respect will now be added to your 'Example' and Maybe will Benefit you in the End, My Friend.
    My mom always says I do too much and I agree, and with Changing in some ways of Not always being Ms. Nice Spice, People can See another 'Side' to Me And... It pays off sometimes.
    Good luck. xx

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  • acknowledge what u want before thinking about what other people want

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  • Anyone worth it won't run just because you have needs.

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  • Start simply. If these people aren't used to saying no, or doing your own thing then just do it. try saying no at random times. try asking for what you want from time to time. be stubborn about it. trust me, you need to do it. because people will walk all over you if you let them. My own sister convinced me that i had a social disorder that would keep me from functioning in society. it's a long story. the point is that she kept me as a cleaning slave for six years until a neighbor convince me that she was full of s*it. don't worry about losing them. if they were worth having around, they would let you have things your way too.

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  • By taking care of yourself!

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  • I am a people pleaser also! It takes time to change. Keep trying 👍🏻

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  • I'm exactly like you and it torments me! I can never say no to people and then sometimes I feel like a doormat, I have been miserable and not myself for the past 4 months - my best friend has not even noticed not once asked me was I ok!

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  • Being a people pleaser is basically a fear of what others may think of you, you care so much about how others see you think about you that you are willing to do almost anything to please them, and have a hard time saying no to them too, you must learn to be more confident in yourself to know that pleasing others will not make them love you anymore than they do it will only put them in a position to take you for granted, you can be nice to people but not at your own expense pleasing them and displeasing yourself how is that helping anyone, you need to speak up for yourself you are not here on this earth to make everyone else happy that is not your job, like i said be nice but also learn when to speak up and say NO.

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  • I hear ya and I feel for ya. I'm glad you posted this and I hope I get to see a few more responses: I really would like more advice on how to stop.

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