Does all this attention from people even matter?

Honestly as I'm growing older I feel like it doesn't. Sure it makes you feel good. But other than that, it doesn't mean anything. That guy is likely not going to have a real interest aside from staring at you.

In fact, I think this about people in general. If you're doing something to get status/respect, is it even worth it? It's not like people will pay your bills. YOU have to establish a life for yourself and YOU have to be happy with that life.

I remember wanting the respect of some people so badly. Now I don't really care. Sure if I run into them I wouldn't mind having a conversation where I can show them how awesome I am, other than that their approval does not really pay my bills for me. I have to do that, so why should their judgment matter.


0|0
1|4

Most Helpful Guy

  • I figured this out already when I was 14 or so (I became emotionally mature very early, due to physical disability and my general life situation). In a way it helped me quite a lot... but I have to admit it also made me a very lonely person. I was extremely consequent in my attitude and still am. If I feel like somebody doesn't have genuine, deep, intimate feelings for me, I won't bother. This is why I've never had any buddies or "acquaintances". I've only had 2-3 really, really close friends that I've known since kindergarten. I don't want to do stupid small talk because this whole superficiality annoys the hell out of me. I can feel with every fibre of my body that the other person doesn't give a shit about me and I don't give a shit about him/her. So why even bother and talk to each other. However, while I still believe in this, I have to admit that sometimes I wish I had been more of a mainstream type of person. I wish I had been one of those 99% of teenagers who do dumb stuff simply because their friends do it too. At least that way, I would have become a more socially integrated person. I've learned in my life so far that having strict principles in regard to fellow human beings and being socially integrated really doesn't go well together. My loneliness is the price I pay for refraining from engaging in any superficial relationships.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I used to think a lot like you and thought everyone was fake and relationships were pointless etc. Then I got burned really really badly by my so-called, 'close friends,' one of which I knew since my pre-teen years.

      I realized that it's my expectations from people which need to change. When I meet someone now, I think the same way that they have nothing to do with me, I have nothing to do with them. So as long as everything is kept impersonal and just normal, everyone's happy. I can have a conversation about something fun like a movie and go home with a smile thinking this person was interesting.

      However I wouldn't trust that person for one second when it comes to sharing personal information as people used that against me and I'm never confiding in someone again.

      I learned the hard way that friends can be your biggest enemies if you don't recognize the ones who want whats best for you and the ones who actually want to see you fall.

    • This talk is so interesting, I feel like you really understand me. I have also been burnt by some very close friends and I think that has added to the admittedly pessimistic attitude I have now. My girlfriend (the only non-blood related person I trust with all of my heart) has often said the same thing as you say now: just don't expect too much. Try to be very casual, superficial with people and you'll have a lot of fun with other people.
      My problem with this is that you and my girlfriend are probably right... but I just can't make myself be like that. I'm just not that type of person. I know a guy who's got about 500 "friends". We live in a moderate-sized city (for US standards) and he can literally just walk down the street somewhere and he'll meet at least one person he knows. However, none of these relationships have any depth. I'm the opposite... I want and need 4-5 people that I'm very, very close and intimate with. When I try to have casual relationships with people and talk

    • about unimportant stuff, I get bored easily. I start wondering "what am I even doing here? This feels like I'm wasting my time". Like I said... you are probably right but I just can't make myself become that person. So right now I'm in a phase in my life where I am standing in front of a big crossroad. I don't know whether I should remain friendless and lonely (except from my girlfriend), which makes me very sad sometimes... or whether I should give up a part of myself and try really hard to become that type of person who doesn't care about the fact that other people don't care about me. I've been thinking about this quite a lot lately and I haven't reached a decision yet...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Preach. Like you're living your own life and doing your own thing. If someone isn't enthusiastic about you doing that in good ways for you, they're really not worth your time.
    media.giphy.com/media/pfAIx8iCNVUpa/giphy.gif

    thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to use this gif T-T

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 3

  • Congrats. You figured it out. You're young enough it still helps. Most don't get it that early and about 50% of people never do.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It matters. A lot.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Why do you say that?

    • Show All
    • If I meet some guy and he just keeps staring at me and probably thinks I'm really pretty, that's nice that someone thinks of that, but it doesn't mean all my problems (which everyone has some of), will go away. It just means that I should be happy I am liked by people for the most part, and then focus on building a life for me that I will be content with.

    • Money is not power. There are many powerless lawyers in the world and most wealthy people are powerless too. Power is when you sit on the board of a massive company and everyone in the room shuts the hell up just because you cleared your throat. Power is when you say "This is the next big thing!" and people believe you.

      Power is the ability to be the housewife who changed the world instead of the big female corporate CEO who no one remembers.

  • so my theory was correct women dont realize this until their mid to late 20s while most men realize this in their teen

    0|0
    0|0
    • I think it's because women realize after a point in time that they need to get married and move on with their life, and they know that the decisions they make today will affect that.

      If I'm going to work in a particular place that may not be seen as that prestigious but am making my own income, my future husband is going to respect THAT about me. That I'm making an effort to contribute to our household income.

      Why should what the world think even matter? I want my future husband's respect and want him to think he married the best girl in the world.

      I don't know if I'm communicating my thoughts properly, but I just realized that if I'm going to be stupid (like my peers) and get so involved with people and life I'm going to lose out on what really matters in the grand scheme of things.

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

Loading...