Should I Pay for things for my sister?

Many times I go out with my sister and my brother and my brother and I end up paying. Whenever it's eating out, paying for something or lending money. In the end, I'm always giving her money. Also, she always buying clothes, make up and buy fancy expensive shit.

She is graduating and didn't get enough financial aid this semester so she makes us pay for a lot of stuff because she unfortunately had to pay her tuition (it wasn't a lot roughly $300) and had to replace her laptop. It pisses me off that I try to tell her she buys a lot, how much she owes me or try telling her stuff she could better save and spend her money (car, apartment, travel whatever). I don't know. :-/


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Stop being your sibling's Enabler, @kelvinmed, Or you will Keep Continuing down the Path of Pattern Destruction until She is old and gray.
    You haven't said "No," You have not been stern enough a Straw Boss to tell her "It's your loss, I can't do no more."
    I have helped myself with a member of my own family, And Finally... I had to Turn my Back and walk Away Yesterday.
    People like this, Mistake your Kindness for Weakness.
    Good luck. xx

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What Girls Said 1

  • It's nice to treat siblings when you go out to lunch, but that goes both ways. She should treat you sometimes.
    Hopefully now that she graduates she won't have that excuse of having to pay for tuition.

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    • Yeah she won't so she should treat me and my brother

    • she should. My brother and I will take turns paying for things (sometimes when you go out to eat it's easier to just have one person pay rather than split the check, so it makes sense for her to just suggest you pay, but then she should pick up the bill the next time).
      If she is graduating this year that means it should be soon. So I think it's better just to wait a few weeks until she is done with school before confronting her on it. Then when she's done with school, she won't have that as an excuse. Then it really is just her buying expensive clothes but forcing her brothers to buy her food.

What Guys Said 2

  • need more context... did parents pay for you but not for her? how fairly has she been treated?

    I think I can answer this but helps to paint picture a little broader so we see her perception.

    She may be viewing it as "fairness" that you pay because yo ugot something else from parents/etc.. Or she may be viewing it as... you paied before so you'll pay again.

    resolving it may take some work to reset expectations and figure out her vantage point. Her behavior to buy expensive stuff is normal for a female (they love shopping), but not good if she doesnt' have the $ (irresponsible). She actually is medicating herself from life by shopping... and probably hording, but I don't know for sure. girls if they see a deal on shoes will buy them (to medicate) even if htey have 50 pairs...

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    • OK so I go to a state College and I get merit scholarship and I get around 2,000 extra from my paid tuition. I save one thousand for commute, supplies and book. The other half is used for whatever else.

      She would get treated like a princess by my mom even though my mom is not that rich or financial independent. She's always going through websites and stores and convinces me or exhort me to buy her stuff, make up, clothes and such. She dresses to impress and gets complemented a lot on the street so I guess she want to impress and be a new York girl but she doesn't work? It's like she wants to live a high class/ Kanye West and Kim lifestyle but isn't earning for herself. I rather she uses money more productively. And yeah she looks like a hoarder of fancy materials

    • because this is a family thing, and you don't want to lose your sister or put wedges between you, I'd suggest you talk to a family counselor about this. You'll need to put up some boundaries, but that may cause turmoil. Cutting someone off from "drugs" has consequences and your money is the drug. Excuses are bad because women and close family sees through that. So you almost have to be direct with her, but I'd run past counselor first how to do that. I think it be worth your time to get some guidance.

    • I'll see and check for one. Thanks

  • you doing a great and very good thing by supporting her but say no to somethings of her so she knows that your not gonna pay for everything

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    • I know what you mean but she makes my life hell when I tell her no. My brother knows how to do it better. He gives zero fucks

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