Did my parents not want a daughter?

I remember when I was small, in all my baby videos my mother isn't even really paying attention to me, although she's playing and stuff not really.

At one point she kissed my sister and it was so apparent of the hurt on my face that she smiled and kissed me too.

I remember always feeling as though she loved and favoured my sister, not me. Even as an adult, it was clear that if something ever happened, it was her side she was on.

I remember when I was small too my mother would make me pray to have a brother so they could have a son.

It makes me wonder... did they even want a second daughter? Is that why they treat me so badly?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • are you the younger? It is hard for parents to love on all kids equally, but I noticed they do favor... my dad favored my brother. Mom was equal I think.

    Wow, I'm thinking it is possible though given what you stated... how hurtful.

    How to put this in perspective... maybe... recognize your parents are human beings with their own assumptions and failings and needs. But you are Gods child, they are just the caretakers here. Getting that perspective, which is true if you believe in God/love/Jesus something above your flawed parents, you realize you are right the way you are and their human control issues projected onto you are a lie. The only solution is loving them back honestly as hard as that may seem.

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    • Yes, I am younger than my sister and older than my brother.

      I sometimes feel as though the reason they don't really value me is because they already had a daughter, so they wanted a son and that's all there was no need for a 2nd one. This is why they always think my sister is 'better' than me anyways, and treat me badly.

      I would always have to prove myself in everything I did, whereas she got a free pass.

      I even brought this up once to their face, and my father got this somewhat alarmed look but then changed the topic.

    • I'm going to say maybe to this. you are a middle child and often times they are "insecure" in their position. I'm not sure if it is coming out of that, or the reality.. Keep in mind the youngest perspective depending upon how he was treated, I was youngest. Did they even want me... was I a mistake?

      I strongly suggest you go to counseling, preferably a Christian one because they view things as there is a greater Love source than your parents, and talk this out. If it is not true, you need to process why. If it is a true interpretation from your earthly parents, you still need to put it in persepective because it will distort your view of mother, father, love, etc.. which could impact your relationships with dudes and offspring.

Most Helpful Girl

  • My mom is the oldest child and her parents got pregnant out of wedlock and in the 50s at that so my mom was born and her little brother is 10 months younger yes 10 months. They've always made it clear that she didn't matter her grandparents raised her so it's not uncommon but it's a shame and I'm really sorry you feel that way. But when you have children of your own if you choose you'll be a wonderful mother! Just remember that you do matter.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Unfortunately some parents do play favorites. In some cultures the firstborn is the dominant one

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    • They treat me even worse than my youngest sibling, my brother.

      At one point, my mother said, to my face, "She just got jealous of him because we put him in private school," so she's behaving like this.

      I was so shocked, I was stunned. I was hurt at something my mother had said to me that day and was therefore not talking to her. Instead of owning up to that, this was her reaction.

      They have treated me like this so often it's almost become normal for me

    • Some have had to permanently sever all ties with their parents

  • "I remember when I was small too my mother would make me pray to have a brother so they could have a son. "

    Honestly that sounds fcked up

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    • She wouldn't say, "pray for your brother because I want a son," but they would make me pray every night for a brother and I realize as an adult it's because they wanted a son

    • I agree. It is fucked up.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you're paranoid

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