How do you gain real confidence?

What methods or ways would you recommend someone do to gain confidence?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, for me personally, what worked was challenging myself consistently:

    1) Do things that intimidated me
    2) Force myself to speak up, even if it was scary and even if I had to tone it down.
    3) Work on what I knew I could change.
    4) Finally accept that there are things that I can't change, so obsessing over it is useless.
    5) I stopped putting myself down and comparing myself to others, even if at times I felt tempted.
    6) I began acting confident even though I wasn't, the positive feedback actually began to make me feel confident.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • For most people it naturally comes with age. How many older people do you know who aren't confident? Probably not many.

    You just have to realize that you can do just about anything. Stop making excuses why you can't do things. Just do them. After a while you'll realize that you really can. Maybe you won't do it perfectly, but you'll do it.

    Then when you can't do something it's not a big deal. There are enough things that you know you can do because you've done them, that the things you can't do become less important.

    Confidence doesn't mean you are good at everything. It's about knowing yourself. You learn what you can do, and what you can't do. You are OK with either one. You become confident with not being perfect. You accept who you are. You quit worrying about what others think of you. You quit trying to fit in places that aren't a good fit.

    Mostly you get confident just from doing. If you can't do something, so what? Do something else. Standing back being afraid to try doesn't get you there. You just have to hold your chin up and say fuck it.

    Fear. Get past your fear. Fear is your worst enemy. Stop listening to that voice of fear. React, don't think. Do it without thinking. Thinking will tell you all kind of excuses to be afraid, why you'll fail, why you are better off being complacent.

    That kind of thinking will make your life pass you by. You'll get old and look back and realize that you forget to live your life. Stop making excuses. Stop listening to that voice in your head. You are not perfect, accept it. Because you CAN do things.

    Know yourself and you'll know confidence. If you don't know for a fact that you can or can't do something, then you don't know yourself. So find out.

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What Girls Said 16

  • this is a tough one because it's easier said than done, but here's what helped me:

    - i learned to stop pleasing people and focused on pleasing myself, so i could love who i was

    - i realised that even if i had a model body with all the success in the world, i would still be hated by someone, and i still wouldn't feel truly happy.

    - i began to pick out the things i have going for me, rather than think about what i dont. id use my strengths and my assets to make me feel good. it made me more thankful.

    - positive self-talk. sounds stupid but it helped me. id stick little notes of encouragement and motivation on my walls.

    - and when id finally start to feel i was embracing my uniqueness, i would THEN shift my focus to what i need to fix, and i try to work on those things 1 at a time.

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  • It comes from *you* being happy with your life.

    For me, my confidence grew back when I started doing strength training.

    Knowing that I look good and feel good, it doesn't matter what other people think or say about me.

    I'm happy the way I am and work hard to stay this way. Why should anyone's opinion but my own matter?

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  • Hmmm

    Treat yourself.
    Do your hair nice.
    Indulge in that shirt that makes you look your best.
    Keep your things organized. Give yourself the best space possible.
    Talk with good people more. Drop the people that put you down.
    **Earn self dependence. Try to get that job. Try to save. Try to be the ruler of you.
    Smile at yourself in the mirror.
    Fake it until you make it. Speak out in class/work more. Answer questions. Ask them.

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  • By working on the things that don't make you confident.
    For example, are you insecure about your body? Then gain/lose weight, work out, etc... You're not confident because of your grades/Job? Then work harder etc.. naturally it will make you more confident :)
    You have to work on the source of insecurity.

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  • You know that old saying" fake it til you make it" well that's how I got there. After a while if you keep this fa├žade up you will really believe it in time. Now know one can tell me otherwise. I'm telling it works I've been in bothered for years now lmao and in my James Brown voice"IT FEEL'SSSSSSSSS GOOD!"

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  • Psychologists say to imagine a version of you, but a confident one with the traits you would like and try to replicate their actions.

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  • Focus on your accomplishments

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  • Continuously telling myself that I have purpose. That I'm here for a reason. That I'm a good person. And believing it all.

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  • Having faith in yourself

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  • Step out of your comfort zone and do the things your more confident self would do, then gain proof nothing bad happens and believe you can do it. Worked for me.

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  • working out.. seriously it does wonders. once you start seeing results, you just feel way better about yourself.

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  • It can't be taught. Everyone grows into their confidence in different ways. But I think learning to compartmentalize to some degree can really help.

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  • Build up success and work on your appearence

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  • What I said in the other question. Just do stuff that makes you go out of your comfort zone.

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  • practice makes perfect so they tell me

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  • It just comes naturally when you matured.

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What Guys Said 17

  • First you lose your insecurity to return yourself to a neutral state. Once you are apathetic to the judgment of others this will let you take risks. Then with the more sucesses you have the more your confidence will grow, however it starts with removing your insecurities and accepting yourself.

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  • There are 2 old sayings in Chinese.

    The journey of ten thousand miles begins with one single step.

    Amount tens of thousands of things, they all begin with hardship.

    Confidence is gained as you gain some pride in what you do. Start out small and make sure you succeed in those small things. From getting up from your bed, to clean the house and you try something. Make sure you do only things you can do with certainty.

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    • Its just... A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step :)

  • If you don't already have it, you can sort of fool your brain into believing that it is. If you praise yourself, and continually tell yourself how great you are, it will work on your mind as if it were other people doing so.. after a while that is. But there's also the better way of going about it.. and that is to realize that the opinions of others is just that, opinions. Confidence is "you" believing in "you".

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  • You gain it by practicing your social skills. Join a small mixed group so you can get used to talking with women, even get a few female freinds to help you.

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  • By disciplining yourself to do something that you might not like all the time but with continuously improve yourself. After months and months of doing this you have reached your goals and accomplished something. You have reminded yourself that you have control over your life and your life doesn't have control over you. This is why I tell people to start lifting.

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  • There's no single form of confidence: you can be terribly confident about your professional skills but be too shy to look a waitress in the eye, or the other way around. You have to train different areas of confidence separately. Practice is key: start small, then work your way up sowly, force yourself to do things you find scary.

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  • Invest time into developing your hobbies and career. Competence breeds confidence.

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  • Get out there and gain life experience. You'll know how the world works and so feel more comfortable doing things in it.

    In terms of appearance? Hit the gym.

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  • Real confidence is gained by focusing on your strong and positive points, and *gasp* accepting your imperfections.

    Take pride in your appearance and style. Focus on positive energy and put your happiness as a top priority.

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  • Affirmations can help because part of being really confident in yourself is seeing yourself in a positive light. The other thing I'd say that will really help is to always try your very best, and as long as you've done your best you'll never have a reason to be ashamed. Even if it isn't perfect you'll be able to be proud of it.

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  • Do you have a difficult time accepting compliments or praise?

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    • Sometimes, but not always

    • That's not a bad place to start from. You already acknowledge that in some areas of life, you kick ass (thus your ability to comfortably accept compliments).

      In the other areas, you can try positive affirmations. I know they probably sound a little cheesy, but there's lots of evidence that they can have an impact.

      Also, remind yourself that no single person on this planet is perfect, and you don't have to be perfect either. Once you accept yourself for who you are, I think you can begin to feel good about yourself; then you'll exude confidence that's real.

  • by stepping out of your comfort zone. do things you would not feel comfortable doing, set a goal and go for it, achieve it, conquer it and feel confident.

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  • Believe you can... and you're halfway there.

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  • by learning life lessons

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  • Embracing failure.

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  • Confidence comes from success so practice first then you'll get it

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  • Is it alright to react for other people too?

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