So another question got me thinking about something that's been on my mind a bit. And this question may be a bit hard to read for some but it's something I can't discuss other places.
Leave now if this stuff bugs you!
Anyway a while back I was on a date with this guy. We'd been going out a while and honestly I planned on having sex or fooling around with him that night. We had dinner and a LOT to drink then went back to a hotel.
We'd both had a lot to drink and I was feeling really nauseous and so I just laid on the bed and told him I was gonna sleep for a bit. He started kissing on me and stuff a bit and I was shoving him off but not really resisting that hard.
Anyway a while went by and I woke up and he was on top of me and my shirt was pulled up and pants/underwear were off and he was trying to penetrate me. I got really mad, I shoved him off, I asked him to take me home.
The next day he apologized. We went out for 3 months more. I don't consider him a bad person. He was drunk and out of it. I wasn't traumatized. I was annoyed but I got over it. I don't think he deserves jail time. I don't consider myself a victim.
Am I totally fucked up for this? I think in 99% of cases guys that do that deserve jail time. Is there something wrong with me that I basically see that as no biggie?
This question is hard for me to ask so please don't rip to shreds
Most Helpful Guy
Your feelings are your own: if you don't feel traumatized that's ok, be glad that you don't and don't let yourself be pressured by people who get a kick out of making you confess you feel traumatized and vulnerable and then helping you.
I think this particular case constitutes attempted rape (what if you hadn't woke up?) But that's using my personal definition and that's really the crux of the matter: there's no universal definition of rape and even people who agree on the wording of some definition attach different connotations to those words. Most people are of the opinion that rape is always bad and should be punished and they then proceed to choose a definition of rape that fits their inherent sense of what they intuitively find bad in the first place. Sometimes these people can be tricked into following a less strict definition but still maintain the idea that rape is always bad so they start advocating punishment for things they don't find intuitively bad... Other people adopt a textbook definition of rape first and then figure out it applies to some situations they don't find intuitively bad so they say rape shouldn't always be punished. There is no single right answer, and notice how all of this would still apply if I replaced the word "rape" by the word "murder" or "cheating", or "stealing", etc...0
Most Helpful Girl
I've had grey area experiences too, although mine did get me mad.
I was friends with benefits with this guy who had a large dick and took ages to come. It often hurt after a while. One night he was a bit rough, I was in pain so when it got too bad I said 'sorry Im hurting could you please stop?' And he went on. I asked him to stop several times more and he didn't until I got really mad (he was on top and I couldn't get out). Afterwards he was even mad at me for that. I wasn't in the mood anymore to help him out any other way.
Later I gave him a second chance but we kept fighting and we sort of stalled the benefits part. But one night I needed a place to crash, I asked if I could come over without doing anything and he agreed. When we walked towards his house together that night I again said I only wanted to sleep, nothing else. So we slept until I woke up pretty much the same way you did. He was touching me everywhere and trying to get inside me. I was extremely sleepy and grumpy because he wokd me up (2 hours after we webt to bed, I later found out) and had to talk to him for 30 minutes to get him to stop, not being able to fully wake up the entire time. His reasoning was basically 'I was awake for 2 hours and was way too horny and your 30 minutes of agony are nothing next to my 2,5 hours of agony, so Im really the victim here'. In the end I got him off. The next morning he tried it again and I somehow allowed him to just because he pushed me so much. That was the end of the friends with benefits thing, I still hate him for it but have to put up with him because we still have mutual activities. He's gotten more complaints from other girls.0