Why Do Women Think A Man Should Pay For A First Date?

A long time ago, I used to meet women, talk to them for a bit and take them on "first dates". I used to always pay. At the end of the dates, the girl and I would always make plans for another date. When I would followup with the girl the next day... I would get "ghosted".

Women seem to have a bad habit of not wanting to see men again after a first date. This happens so often, that a local radio station on the morning show has their own segment called the "date fail" segment.

I've wasted a lot of time and money meeting women for first dates only to get ghosted after. That's not right.

I talked to these 2 girls recently... and here is how they responded to me when I told them I won't pay for the first date:

Girl #1:
"Actually... I think I will pass. Thank you for the offer, though"

Girl #2:
Note: For girl number 2, I explained to her my reasoning as to why I don't pay for first dates.

"Naw... a man should ALWAYS pay for a first date. Always! I don't care if his time or money is wasted. In this life that we live, time and money is always wasted. Call me old fashioned, but a man should always pay for a date."

Conclusion:
Men and women are supposed to be equal, we both work hard, we understand how hard it is to make ends meet... but women expect a man to pay... and then will most likely ghost the guy after? That's no right.

I cannot pay for a date unless I know I will continuously see the woman and that she won't ghost me.

Updates:
I actually respect women a lot more if they pay for themselves, to be honest. I shows me that she sees us as equals and she understands that money isn't to be taken for granted.
If I have to pay for an entire first date, then I expect you to have sex with me after the date. I think that's pretty reasonable.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you ask a girl out then the answer to the ''who pays on a date?'' question is a simple one, it’s you. When you invite a girl on a date it’s your responsibility to take care of her. So as a man you should always expect to pay for the date. After all you want her to be able to relax and enjoy her time with you.

    And that will be difficult if she’s worried about the money she’s spending.

    Another reason it’s important for men to pay for a date is that it sends a clear message of your intentions. If you have a woman split the tab with you she may no longer see this as a ''date.'' She may instead get the message that the two of you are nothing more than friends.

    If you want to avoid her seeing you in that light then paying for the date will go a long way.

    I think it's pretty sexiest to assume the guy should pay for everything, though. But if you are asking someone out, then paying, or at least offering to pay for the meal is a polite thing to do.

    Wishing you the best of luck.

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    • "If you want to avoid her seeing you in that light then paying for the date will go a long way."

      I've paid for many first dates to only get ghosted after the date. How is that fair?

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    • If he waited for the girl to ask him out, then he'd likely be single for life.

    • @ihatethiswebsite exactly

Most Helpful Guy

  • Because those women are sexist and have no self-respect

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What Girls Said 15

  • This is simple: Just don't go on a first date that costs money.

    Do you live in a city with any kind of downtown, or any kind of walkable area? Just walk around and explore stuff. People watch. Gawk at things. Make fun of people. Have *conversation* together.

    Not only does this kind of date cost $0.00, but it's also in a dynamic environment that's MUCH less awkward than, say, a restaurant.

    Srsly, I have NEVER understood the idea of dinner as a first date. Never understood it in my life. What the hell?
    What if it doesn't go well? Then you are literally stuck, at a table, awkwardly eating, in awkward quasi-silence... for a LONG time... with basically zero distractions of any kind.
    And even if it *does* go well -- If the two people aren't great conversationalists, it's still fucking awkward. There isn't much in the environment to use as a conversation starter, and, again, it's not a dynamic environment, either. And... it's expensive. What a terrible idea.

    First dates should be free.

    Duh.

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  • What you said: "If I have to pay for an entire first date, then I expect you to have sex with me after the date. I think that's pretty reasonable."
    What I read: "If a woman doesn't pay for herself, I assume she's a prostitute and has given consent to be treated as one."

    I can't speak for other women, but I can speak to personal experience. I'm a student, and spending money isn't something I have. If a guy doesn't want to pay for me, we go to free events. If he does pay for me, it's because he chose to and that doesn't mean I'm having sex (in any form) with him.

    I can also say that based on your attitude towards what you consider to be reasonable compensation for paying, that I wouldn't want a second date with you, whether or not you paid for me.

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  • It's a cultural thing, really. You and those girls were probably raised with "old fashioned" values when it comes to dating. However, feminism is incompatible with the idea that men should always pay for dates and be chivalrous. The difference is that many feminists/egalitarians want to have their cake and eat it too. Conversely, many guys don't want to be taken advantage of.

    I'm not from the US, but where I come from, men are still chivalrous and they're still expected to pay for dates (my country is not infected with modern feminism). When girls don't let guys pay for dates, they actually feel insulted and emasculated. Also, your concept of "dating" doesn't really exist. Whenever a guy asks a girl on a date and she accepts, the courtship is taken seriously by both. "Dates" are not casual.

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  • Not all women have this mentality... It's so old school. I personally prefer to split the bill, it's just common courtesy and respect I guess.

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  • Many reasons.

    1) Women put more effort into reproduction AFTER having already found a mate. (Pregnancy, childbirth, etc.) It's only fair that men put more effort into it BEFORE having acquired a mate.

    2) Women evolved to seek men who could provide them resources, whereas men evolved to seek women who are sexy. Women are required to spend lots of time, money, and energy on their appearance, so it's only fair that men spend time, money, and energy on meals.

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  • I paid for our first dinner date cos well, he flew over to meet me and so it's only fair I pay for something as well.

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  • I do expect for the guy to pay if he's interested in me especially on the first date,

    However, if I'm not interested in having a second date with him, I'll offer to pay.

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  • I think this is a mainly American custom

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  • You ask me out, you should pay.. end of story

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    • that's about as logical as, He paid for the date so you have to put out. How about you come join us in the 21st century.

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    • @Jager66 Exactly what I meant. We have differing views, I am tired of the back and forth. Have a great day.

    • okay I can live with that, probably a wise decision to drop this conversation, as you say. laters

  • My boyfriend and I take turns when we go on dates. Sometimes I'll drive, he'll buy the food or vise versa. We both have jobs and understand money is tight. Occasionally my boyfriend will pay for our dinner but I never order anything too pricey.

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    • You are the perfect girlfriend. Seriously.

    • Thank you!

  • If you expect the woman to have sex with you on the first date just because you paid for it.. you might as well get a hooker.

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    • Relax. I was just angry and joking when I wrote that. Lol.

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    • I've started doing that. Lol. Did you read my post. Here is what happened when I said that.

      Girl #1:
      "Actually... I think I will pass. Thank you for the offer, though"

      Girl #2:
      Note: For girl number 2, I explained to her my reasoning as to why I don't pay for first dates.

      "Naw... a man should ALWAYS pay for a first date. Always! I don't care if his time or money is wasted. In this life that we live, time and money is always wasted. Call me old fashioned, but a man should always pay for a date."

    • Yes I read it. Buy no one is forcing you to ask them. As I say about myself... I kissed a lot of frogs before I finally found my prince.

  • If you ask me out you pay for the date if I ask you out I pay for the date. If you asked me out and you pay for the date and you expect sex because of that then I know you just went on the date to have sex. So no you get no sex and you get no second date.

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  • Because if you ask her out you should pay unless she ask you

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  • Guys do this because they dont feel "manly" or stupid shit lol they are screwing themselves, little alpha wanna bes

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  • What do you think of this? Meeting up for coffee first or do drinks first, and then the official first date?

    I always offer to pay first date and deff. The 2nd date.

    (My mom would kill me if I told her that) a lot of my gfs as well believe a man should pay for the first date.

    Pros: you save tons of money either way
    -you get to know someone a little bit before romancing

    Also what do you think of this. A man probably spends no more than 40$ on himself (hair cut) prepping for a date if he has to. A woman has to get her hair done and nails done 200$ there. A new outfit most likely. Men areally visual. You should make a poll and ask how much a woman spends on herself for that first date, or how much she spends on prepping herself if she doesn't already have those necessities for the date. Feedback? I am not trying to seem unfair just giving you the reality of it.

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    • Haha having sex for a meal... sounds like closet prostitution. But if you expect a woman to have sex with you after paying for her meal that's fine, just let her know what you want beforeand. I don't see anything wrong with what YOU want just make sure she's not in the dark over it? Lol

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    • "So you are saying these women ghosted on you AFTER spending time and going on a first date. "

      That is correct. That is why I don't pay for first dates. It's an extreme waste of my money. I am human; I have other payments to make, and that money I used on the date could have been put elsewhere.

      Am I wrong in my logic?

      Also... the the sex thing in my description was a joke. I wasn't being serious.

    • "I am human; I have other payments to make, and that money I used on the date could have been put elsewhere. "
      But I can't expect a guy 18-27 who doesn't have school loans, rent, car payments , or etc.""
      That is why I mentioned this. Your logic is not wrong at all. I think it's time for everyone to wake up and everyone screaming feminism to match their words with their actions haha

What Guys Said 7

  • I agree, if you consistently pay for dates that lead nowhere its a big waste of money over time.

    Also worth noting is that while you are paying to take these girls out, some of them are seeing other guys on the side or still hooking up with a previous fuckbudy since you two technically aren't exclusive yet.

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  • The reason why women expect men to pay for the first date is because of tradition and unfortunately this idea is implanted in the women's psyches and it is considered nice or polite for a man to pay for the first day after the first day because of the way society has changed Women are expected to chip in on the second date so women aren't going to draw on that second day because they don't want to have to pay one traditionally a man always paid for the dates so if you cannot pay if you feel like you're going to get ghosted then you might as will not even try

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  • Yup story of our lives. ... We have to work to get a girls number, we have to think of a date, we have to pay, and then we get shutdown. Women want to be equal, yet they arnt doing their part. Petsonally I do think who ever set's up the date should pay. But we all know most women won't ask a guy on a first date. I've heard that a lot of women go on first dates to get a free meal and drinks... There are great women out ththerere, somewhere, we just have to keep throwing are hard earned cash till we do. But in my experience, its already hard to even find a date tgethesese days. Good luck to you.

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  • They feel entitled to your money and do not feel that you deserve respect yet.

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  • One of the worlds mysteriesss.

    Im going to continue doing so and it doesn't bother me.

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  • It's a social norm.

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  • Women believe they are entitled nowadays. They want all the Benefits women had in the past with none of the burdens. Men used to always pay for dates because women didn't have money due to them having crappy jobs and being a woman. Women want to be be treated traditionally because there are no downsides since they have none of the burdens due to woman being equal in the workplace today.

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