Freaks, misfits and invisible people: How do you forgive the world for how you were treated?


I was constantly bullied as a child no matter what school I went to. Most of my family were either absent, or were bad influences. No father. No role models. Nearly all of my friends have faded away from me over the years. I try to go out and meet people but most people seem to be only interested in the friends they already have. I feel at least 8 years behind (in career/independence/college/experiences/etc.) and like I missed so many crucial experiences.

I'm completely invisible to women and the very few women who do go out on a date with me, flake on me. I never had a girlfriend - just one woman who used me for sex. I'm not disrespectful/vulgar, I have humor, I don't see what I'm doing wrong except being shy and awkward.

I grew up with Aspergers, but I improved my social skills a lot over the years, yet now I feel more lonlier than ever.

I constantly tell myself that if I ever become attractive and successful, I'm going to be more skeptical and mistrustful of humanity than ever. I really don't want to see things this way. But it really looks like life is just a game of luck and I got punished.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The world owes us nothing.

    Most of my hurts came from those closest to me. I was molested by a relative, my dad was volitle and prone to violent outbursts, I was sexually abused as a teen by a friend. Etc.

    On top of that, I have inherited mental illness and was my own dire enemy for years.

    I've found my peace by learning to appreciate the beauty of small things. I've taught myself to stop comparing myself to others and to stop imagining scenarios where everyone else is successful and I am a failure. I am me. I take great satisfaction in seeing the moon and stars, sinking into a great song, feeling a cool breeze on my face, etc.

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    • Meditation is a great starting place.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I know exactly how you feel minus the asbergers. But I was shy and made fun of and had few friends that faded away. Oddly though one of the friends contacted me of Facebook and invited me to his stage , and then to the dancing part of the wedding.

    I became very shy when I moved to the city I still live in, and I'm not much better, I care less though. Never dated and I don't knkw many girls, well really none except a friend who has been lacking in contact the last few weeks. I don't think she liked me, but I don't know she can be weird about things, like all girls are. Like girls don't talk to you or tell you anything, they want you to guess and I hate that bullshit.

    You ha e to find something else other than love right now. Like me, I learned how to make an electric guitar a few years ago, and hope to make more, now it's kind of a passion, though I'm only on my second one. Building am electric bass right now. Going to make it a cool colour, and use some nice wood. It takes a lot of time, but it'll be worth it.

    The stuff about work, ah, I know how it feels going to school getting a diploma, and getting fucked by society that said here were opportunities.

    Fuck society and their judgmental shit. A few years after I let go of those friends I first mentioned I realized that I still wanted to do stuff , have some experiences. A concert was coming up that I really wanted to see. So I bought one ticket and decided to learn how to go to places alone. I was nervous to, because it's not a mall, and I never really know why to do by myself in public, but at least there would be something to take attention away from me. The show. So I started to get used to being in public alone by going to movies alone, then bars, and just sit there, watch the movie, look at my phone at the bars.

    I still do it, I don't need people, thought it's my lack of being normal and on par with them that keeps me away from them. But I also know that I have always liked more solitude than human interaction, so I do go off by myself a lot, I create and write my own song, guitar, bass and lyrics I can write, then use computer to make the drums as I don't have any or know how to play. Writing lyrics allows me to get shut off my chest, but most of the bad stuff I never use in a song. You just have to start finding things in yourself, mmaybeyour interests will lead you to things, like co-ed volleyball team or something.

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What Girls Said 8

  • you should send me a message. You sound like you need a friend, someone who tells you that you are awesome human being and that you are special and you can make someone happy and you deserve to have a happy life. I need a friend too. All my life my mom told me that I am worthless and I should die. My sister tells me that I shouldn't talk to her and that I shouldn't even live. Everyone tells me that I'm ugly and psycho. I have been bullied all my life. I have zero close friends, everyone who tells me that they are my friend scares me because i think they are all lying. No one really cares for me. Especially my husband. I feel like he took my virginity and is just using me so that he can have some kids and I have decent genes. After marrying him, I realize he doesn't want to spend time with me. He just wants to play video games. He doesn't want to help me out with cleaning or anything. he just wants to destroy our finances. I am the only person wanting to save money, the only person wanting to clean the house and so on. If he has to do it then he will do it with lots of complaining, like why aren't I doing it? I'm worthless. After I gave birth to my son, i am out changing our car oil. After I give birth to my daughter, I am out at 10pm buying milk for my son. I have to pay all the bills, save, clean, cook, do every little thing and i feel burnt out and I feel like if I was scum at least scum doesn't have to stress around feeling like they have to do everything. If I ask him to massage me then he says that his back hurts 100000 times more than me and why don't I do it to him every night? so therefore I never ask anymore. You see? the grass is always greener on the other side. and now my brother lives with me, so I have to buy extra food, and cook extra meals, and wash extra dishes and at the same time watch my 3 year old and 1 year old crying and screaming at me and my husband and brother will get angry at me if I ask for help and my mom will tell me I am just a complainer and my sister will tell me that I just am thinking too much and my husband will just tell me that everything is my fault and nothing he does makes me happy and he doesn't do NOTHING to make me happy. He just complains and tells me to do more. UGH... ok rant over.

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    • Your life sounds even rougher. You should get out of that toxic environment and make a new goal for yourself. To be happy. Y
      Sad for you that you're surrounded by really uncompassionate family members.

    • @Verecund_man thanks for your empathy. yes I am really sad and my health has taken a terrible nose dive. I am suffering physically because of my stress. I don't know how much longer I can take of this... and I am not too old either. I want to live.

    • oh my god. that's a toxic environment. he's an abuser, plain and simple. please don't let him get away with this. give him an ultimatum or kick him out of the house. you're a woman with kids. social services and the court system in general will treat your favorably. get whatever resources you can.

  • I know exactly how you feel! Throughout high school I was completely invisible and used for homework answers or that "friend" that you could hang out with because they had nobody else. Always a last resort and was disrespected.
    You should stop worrying about trying to find friends and instead focus on yourself and trying to improve yourself. Find new hobbies, gain new skills, learn different languages. Always try improving yourself and get out of your comfort zone! That's what I done, friends just came to me. Or if I was feeling confident and felt like I could relate to a person I would talk to them. But you should watch this video, this guy right here pulled me out of the darkest place I've been in a long time..
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZUcbFsdxSI

    If you need anyone to talk to I'm here for you! :) Good luck!

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  • Because showing kindness in a world that hates you is bravery. After a while the only person you will have to depend on is yourself and that will have to be enough. If they can't see past your disability and see your wonderful personality, that's their problem. You have nothing to prove to anyone

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  • Honey , look you seem just fine and I mean this from the bottom of my heart! I think you fall under the category of someone that is destined for greatness. How old are you? It doesn't say. The vibes I'm getting from you is that you have a very good soul but you feel different from others and you can't relate. Most great people are extremely different and aren't appreciated untill proven to be so. Find your way w/some soul searching! ( ask Jesus for guidance as well ad your spirit guide and trust me you will find your way!!! Also try meditation to get in touch w/your inner self. Stay good and never change!

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    • 24, but I feel 17.

    • I agree that you do not trust people unless you are convinced they are worth it. Stay strong sweetheart! We are here to learn and become strong as I know you will Be good though no matter how successful you get.

  • The info is there all around you to learn and get out of the rut. All you see is everything that is bad.

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  • how can u forgive the world for how u were treated when the world doesn't care *at all*. everyone's indifferent to ur struggles. frankly, ur blaming ur own social issues on the universe. how bout blamin it on urself then changing?

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    • my problems are my fault, I own up to them. but people didn't have to treat me the way they did.

  • The world just hates ugly, weird, and freaky people. That's just harsh reality.

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  • Just work harder. Your luck will Improve.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Our stories are similar.

    But the world owes nobody anything. It has nothing to apologize for.
    You are the one who doesn't fit in it. The problem isn't the whole rest of the world is wrong. YOU are wrong. Women are flakes, they do that to everyone, not just you.

    If you want to fit in you're going to have to start viewing yourself as a human. As part of the world instead of an observer of it. You want the benefits of being a man, you're going to have to start taking responsibility for your own happiness and stop blaming the world for keeping you down. You want a girlfriend, buy a suit and learn how to dress right. You want a career, go to the school and get the education. You want a wife, go to the school, buy the suit, and build your confidence. And by confidence I mean owning who you are, presenting it to the world without apology, and truly loving yourself, not in spite of who you are, but because of who you are.

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    • Hey man, you need help!!!

    • @jjesica346 Doesn't mean I'm wrong.
      If you see yourself as an outsider then you can't complain when other people do too.
      And I may have been a little rough, but if he wanted a lollipop he'd have asked his mommy. He came here for an honest shake and I gave it to him.

    • Another out of date bigot.

  • How do you forgive the world for how you were treated?

    Simple: you don't. You look them right in the face, stick your finger in their eye, and say "FUCK YOU! You're not going to keep me down. All you've done is prove that you think you're less than me."

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  • There are a few truths in life. One key truth is that if a pattern repeats in your life, then it is on you. If it happens once or twice it can be happening by chance. If it keeps repeating its no coincidence anymore.

    So the key issue is not about how you should forgive the world and wallow in self-pity and victimhood, but how you improve. External change always follows internal improvement. When I was bullied quite early in life, my mom told me one thing that I took to heart and stopped the bullying right that instance: They only bully you, when you let yourself being bullied. Aka when you are a pushover.

    And you have any right to feel 8 years behind - because obviously you are. But you have now the chance to change that and don't fall any further behind by improving upon yourself.

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  • One thing you've got to realize is that a lot of the people you think are the ones who've got it made, who seem popular and successful, may not see themselves that way. A lot of people in relationships feel trapped or at least obligated to something they are no longer happy with. So continue to strive for a good relationship and new friendships, but realize that you have to be true to yourself regardless of what happens with other people. You can't control them, you can only control you.

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  • See, your intention is your problem. I don't seek to forgive the world. I seek to control it around me. If I don't want to let go of something, I won't. If I don't like the way my life is changing, I will stop it. If I am not content to be a slave to my fate, I will change it. If I am not strong enough to change it, I will grow stronger. You will never know peace as anything other than the master of your own destiny.

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  • No.. sounds like you just have to be yourself and not the focus on the way others treat you socially... just be genuine to you first... the rest shows up. Fteinds etc. People don't atract to everyone some people just don't vibe with everyone but there is always someone for everyone. Aspergers definitely plays a roll in your life and you stating your doing better is awesome just focus on your life and being happy and true to you.. that simple happiness and truthfulness will attach the part of the universe your meant to belong to.

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  • I was like that, and I improved my social skills, got involved with people
    Regretting it now, wish I didn't get outta my shell, and been invisible like I used to its more comfortable
    I mean who feels sad for staying away from a world full of shit
    You may feel there's something wrong you,, no there is something wrong with them

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  • You forgive because forgiveness isn't about them, it's about you. Holding onto those negative feelings won't hurt them, not really. Those feelings will only hurt you.

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  • I don't. I don't believe in retribution, but once someone loses my trust, I don't give it back; they've lost it for good.

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  • Live one day with the looks of Brad Pitt and great social skills. Then, go back to this. It's not fair. It's evolution and luck of the draw. Just be glad it wasn't worse. There's so much you can do about improving yourself, but there are also things you can't improve. In some areas, you will just be stuck.

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  • You don't. You make the world beg at your feet.

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  • There are some people that are called "late bloomers"
    Those are the ones that you hear killing it on open mic nights. Those are the ones that decide to shred the gnar.

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  • "More lonelier"?

    My nerves are on fire!

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  • I was taught that "the world doesn't owe you anything." So my starting point is always zero. Nothing to lose... everything to gain.

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  • i have forgiven the world sure but i use the lessons to help me in life :)

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  • You don't really need to forgive anyone for anything, unless that's your goal but I would ask why? Are others gonna do something for you?

    Internet culture is very strange I've seen people here and on other sites get really excited about making people mad or "butthurt" as if that was their intent. I thought arguments were really about learning different perspectives and getting outsider input, I'm not sure why making someone else mad would be an achievement and I don't know why someone getting mad would feel any sense of loss, your anger is no less valid an emotional response than any other emotions you experience. I've digressed a bit, but if you genuinely feel bitter about something I guess what I'm trying to say is there isn't much point in not feeling bitter about it. I think there's a popular meme that some emotions are bad and some emotions are good, but the way I see it is closer to some emotions are mine and some emotions are yours. Do you really want to forgive these people? Is your bitterness not justified, or at the very least *yours* rather justified or not? It's great that you've improved your social skills, but bitterness may shape your perspective and give you insight that those without that bitterness lack. That's a skill too, even if it's not a popular one, and it's your skill, part of your identity, why dump it? Forgiving others won't help you if they end up doing the same sort of things all over again, and it isn't even fair or reasonable to try unless you knew for certain that other people were making efforts to empathize with you as you make efforts to empathize with them; I doubt they are. Life is indeed a game of chance, and maybe you didn't get a great hand to play but you still did better than some. One suggestion is rather than worrying about changing feelings from your past that you felt for a reason, just keep them in mind as you appreciate the progress you've made in other areas and focus on the good luck you do have on occasion.

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  • u become a mass shooter lol

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  • No I don't, and I don't think other aspies should do so either. Part of the reason why people treat us the way they do is because they think we are weak targets and they can get away with it. As for women, feminism plays a major part of this. Aspies are bearing a major brunt of the way women were treated in the past. The even up the score game.

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  • Eventually I looked at it as making me stronger and more independent as a person. I hated it at the time but it helped me in the long run.

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