I was constantly bullied as a child no matter what school I went to. Most of my family were either absent, or were bad influences. No father. No role models. Nearly all of my friends have faded away from me over the years. I try to go out and meet people but most people seem to be only interested in the friends they already have. I feel at least 8 years behind (in career/independence/college/experiences/etc.) and like I missed so many crucial experiences.
I'm completely invisible to women and the very few women who do go out on a date with me, flake on me. I never had a girlfriend - just one woman who used me for sex. I'm not disrespectful/vulgar, I have humor, I don't see what I'm doing wrong except being shy and awkward.
I grew up with Aspergers, but I improved my social skills a lot over the years, yet now I feel more lonlier than ever.
I constantly tell myself that if I ever become attractive and successful, I'm going to be more skeptical and mistrustful of humanity than ever. I really don't want to see things this way. But it really looks like life is just a game of luck and I got punished.
Most Helpful Girl
The world owes us nothing.
Most of my hurts came from those closest to me. I was molested by a relative, my dad was volitle and prone to violent outbursts, I was sexually abused as a teen by a friend. Etc.
On top of that, I have inherited mental illness and was my own dire enemy for years.
I've found my peace by learning to appreciate the beauty of small things. I've taught myself to stop comparing myself to others and to stop imagining scenarios where everyone else is successful and I am a failure. I am me. I take great satisfaction in seeing the moon and stars, sinking into a great song, feeling a cool breeze on my face, etc.2
Most Helpful Guy
I know exactly how you feel minus the asbergers. But I was shy and made fun of and had few friends that faded away. Oddly though one of the friends contacted me of Facebook and invited me to his stage , and then to the dancing part of the wedding.
I became very shy when I moved to the city I still live in, and I'm not much better, I care less though. Never dated and I don't knkw many girls, well really none except a friend who has been lacking in contact the last few weeks. I don't think she liked me, but I don't know she can be weird about things, like all girls are. Like girls don't talk to you or tell you anything, they want you to guess and I hate that bullshit.
You ha e to find something else other than love right now. Like me, I learned how to make an electric guitar a few years ago, and hope to make more, now it's kind of a passion, though I'm only on my second one. Building am electric bass right now. Going to make it a cool colour, and use some nice wood. It takes a lot of time, but it'll be worth it.
The stuff about work, ah, I know how it feels going to school getting a diploma, and getting fucked by society that said here were opportunities.
Fuck society and their judgmental shit. A few years after I let go of those friends I first mentioned I realized that I still wanted to do stuff , have some experiences. A concert was coming up that I really wanted to see. So I bought one ticket and decided to learn how to go to places alone. I was nervous to, because it's not a mall, and I never really know why to do by myself in public, but at least there would be something to take attention away from me. The show. So I started to get used to being in public alone by going to movies alone, then bars, and just sit there, watch the movie, look at my phone at the bars.
I still do it, I don't need people, thought it's my lack of being normal and on par with them that keeps me away from them. But I also know that I have always liked more solitude than human interaction, so I do go off by myself a lot, I create and write my own song, guitar, bass and lyrics I can write, then use computer to make the drums as I don't have any or know how to play. Writing lyrics allows me to get shut off my chest, but most of the bad stuff I never use in a song. You just have to start finding things in yourself, mmaybeyour interests will lead you to things, like co-ed volleyball team or something.0