Why some people choosing a new partner over their children?

The hell will freeze over before i put anyone above my child/children. Yet some people seem to do this. Men /women walking away from their children for the sake of a new partner. I even heard of cases where people chose to stay with the partner even if that meant social services would take their kids away and give them for adoption.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My kids were 18 and 20 when me and their dad got divorced. I waited 5 years before I started dating... I just wasn't ready. After I started dating I did not even introduce my kids to any men. I waited 6 months with the man I am with now. It was a very big thing to me. I know women who bring men in and out of their kids lives. I think that is so wrong...

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What Guys Said 3

  • Well I'm from a single mom Up bring where she did that. The guys were assholes and nasty, I knew she didn't care as long as her bills were paid.

    With the single mom's I've dated... I didn't meet any of their kids until we were serious. I would treat them as I would treat her. I would hope that if we got engaged, I would be on equal level to her kids.. since I would be the one to be with her the rest of her life.

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    • You'd think, wouldn't ya?

      You will NEVER be equal to those kids. Never. You'll be lucky if you Even make the Top 5 on her priority list.

      One more reason that single mothers are best avoided, or for a pump & dump.

    • Show All
    • Yep. That's one reason.

    • There are reasons generalizations exist, and it's because GENERALLY the subject is exactly as described.

  • Generally men can't leave their partner without also leaving their kids. This is a big reason why women file for divorce twice as often as men do in most of the west.

    Still, that's how things are now. Divorce is less frowned on than cheating, in theory. For a lot of history, affairs would have been overlooked as long as you kept the family together.

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    • They can leave the marriage but not the children, they can still have regular contact but some choose not to because it upsets their new relationship

    • Sometimes that's true. Sometimes it's messy.

      My father in law had very little contact with my wife for years when she was a child. He was supposed to have access to them a couple weekends a month, but with the child support he was paying (that her mother spent on clothes then complained they were broke) he couldn't afford to live anywhere big enough the kids could sleep there, so that couldn't happen. He ended up not seeing them much till they were older.

      Both my ex-boss, and my uncle, when they split, their kids took their mother's side and refused to see them for years, till they realized... it wasn't their fault and reestablished connection with them.

      Some people are complete douchebags who walk off on their kids, and I can't understand how they do it. But a lot of people, the custodial parent turns the kids against the other one, and the contact gets severed. Happens allll the time.

    • yes you are right, there is black and white but there is also the grey area like the cases you describing

  • Some of them probably didn't even want to be parents in the first place. It ain't right but people like that do exist.
    Your perspective, though admirable, is one of the reasons why many people tend not to want to date people with kids. I guess no one wants to be second place you know.

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    • I wouldn't put any man above my child but if he was the right man they would both be equal in my life. Is no different than what i would do if i was with the child's father.

    • its still a very difficult process.

What Girls Said 4

  • Some people from the get go feel trapped by their children. God forbid they have to sacrifice, or give up their time, money, or stop dating or living "their lives" for a human being they (some of them anyway) chose to bring into this world. They feel punished by their kids for cramping their style. These are clearly people who don't understand what it means to be a parent and in many ways, if that's the person you as a kid ended up with, perhaps in the long run, it's better those people don't stick around in their lives b/c unless they dramatically change, I don't think it gets any better for them.

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  • I don't know but it's gross.

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  • I wish I had an answer for that because I would never do that and don't understand how others have no problem with that. I am not sure I want kids, but if I do have kids I would choose them over my partner or a potential partner. My best explanation is they are devil spawn.

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  • I know more people who choose their children over their partner

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    • This doesn't change the fact that some do the opposite

    • Of course. You'll find all kinds of people in this world. Some do horrible horrible things and some just make you wonder. I guess they do what they think will benefit them the most or make them the most happy. At our core, we're all selfish. Some are more than others. Some are blinded by their scars. Some question their abilities. I have no other explanation.

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