I have two friends like this, one male one female. Ironically, both were involved in a friends with benefits situation with each other which ended amicably. However, the both hate and are hated by every single ex they have.
Most Helpful Girl
I've met some people like this. I don't think it's healthy, especially if enough time has elapsed (bitterness from a *fresh* break-up is another animal entirely).
I suppose I should say what I think IS "healthy" first.
In my experience, people who are overall winners at life DO NOT hang onto bitterness, grudges, or hateful feelings -- even toward people who have SERIOUSLY fucked them over.
This doesn't mean they don't *learn* from whatever failed relationships/incidents/encounters -- that, they most certainly do (which is probably the single biggest thing that makes them "winners at life", imho). But it means they don't hold on to the negativity.
To be honest, in MOST of these people, I think this is just the consequence of a natural personality/outlook characteristic.
It's not so much "optimism" (= believing that everything is good right now); rather, it's more "agathism" (= believing that "everything happens for a reason", and that everything will work out for the best IN THE LONG RUN). Having that belief system just really helps people let go of shit, move on, and live in the reality of the here-and-now without dwelling excessively in the past.
In the few people I've met who have this ability (to let go of hate) for whom it ISN'T natural... they've learned it the very very VERY hard way. Mainly, by having lost someone or something very significant in their lives because of hanging on far too long to *previous* bitterness and mistrust... but then they finally learned the lesson from THAT loss.
But, regardless of whether they come by the trait naturally or by hard-won wisdom, this is something that basically ALL "winners at life" have, in my experience: They don't hang on to hate. They LEARN from bad shit -- and they're pretty good (not perfect, but, pretty good) at not repeating past mistakes -- but they let the emotions fade away.
Also, significantly, this trait is (to a certain extent) common to humanity in general:
The winners-at-life just have it in spades, even more than the others.
When it comes to ex-partners, I personally think it's EVEN MORE incumbent on people to move past the hate, and to remember the things that brought them into relationships with those people in the first place.
All too often, people focus on the negatives that make their ex's into "ex's" -- but they forget about what made them PARTNERS in the first place! I mean, this isn't3
Most Helpful Guy
This question reminds me of a girl I dated, she at 13 was molested by her dad, went all kinds of wild after that. She dated one boy at around 17-18. He overdosed and died. Then there was a few real bad ones, one was from Cali (we live on the east coast), he threw her across the room and ended that relationship, then there was one guy named mike was all nice for about 6 months, and before she could end it he just shoe horned himself into her life and they lived together for like 1 year. He ended up cheating on her in front of her house and that resulted in her punching him 1000 times.
Then there was me who she is still upset over the loss of her ex who overdosed 8 years ago and when his death anniversary comes around she goes full bitch mode and no one can do anything right so I was cut off. She didn't want to talk to me so that ended and she let some guy from MN do the same thing as the guy mike and that also ended with her attacking him. But for me, she wanted to be friends again after I sent her all the nude pics she gave me. I just wanted to keep things civil but she wants to act like it was an "Oops!" and I look at it like "what did I get a hooker for 6 months of my life? NO!".0