GaG, am I a horrible mother for hating my son?

Since he was born i didn't care about his feelings and no matter how hard i try i just can't feel anything towards him. I've been doing my job as a mother but I'm not kind with him, I get angry at him for stupid reasons and i punish him so hard for it. Although i treat him like shit because i hate his "father" for ruining my life, still at the end of the day he cuddles me even if i don't want to and tell me that he loves me. I used to teach him to call me by my name not mom because it's better for both of us. Everyone tells me that he is so adorable and cute but i can't see it.

  • You're really horrible mom for doing this.
    69% (40)76% (35)72% (75)Vote
  • You need to let go of the past and start over.
    29% (17)20% (9)25% (26)Vote
  • Your reaction is kind of normal because of what happened in the past.
    2% (1)4% (2)3% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're selfish. Your son is the only hope you have to break the tradition of dysfunction that made you the piece of garbage person you are, and you're continuing the cycle. Whether it be by will or by ill, you need to do what it takes to stop smothering the innocence out of this child.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He is NOT his Father.
    You're directing your hate and anger on an innocent child.
    As he ages, the unconditional love he has for you will be replaced with the hate and resentment you've showed him as a child, and you'll never have a relationship with him.
    STOP THIS NOW!
    He is NOT his Father.

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What Guys Said 29

  • Don't listen to people saying horrible things about you. It's terrible for your son that you feel the way you do but at least you want to do something about it. When I was about 10 years old, my parents divorced. I loved my dad and he really didn't do much wrong in fact it was my mother hitting him and she always hated me because I was a lot like him and I didn't agree with her when she did some bad stuff.

    She ended up being terrible to me. I remember I was walking up the stairs once and she ran up behind me saying "your too slow" and threw me down the stairs by my shoulder.

    I hated her, I hated what she did to me, my father and our family. It took almost 10 years for me to forgive her for the terrible things she did to me and really, kept doing. Why don't you save your family and forgive your son for having his father in him? And then, forgive his father.

    When we hold grudges and hate, it does terrible things to us. I almost turned into a really bad person from my experience and you might too. You're still good, I don't think you want things to be like this but if you want to feel something for your son you need to give him a chance and that's never gonna happen if you look at him and all the feelings associated with his father are the first thing that come up.

    Forgive his father and forgive your son and if you really care about the family, you should tell the father personally. You can tell him you forgive him, but you never want to see him again.

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    • It's not that i don't want to forget and forgive i just can't. Besides "his" father was really horrible, player and a very good lair. He abandoned us years ago and said he don't want to be part of this thing (his son's life).

    • You never forget, always remember. But you forgive them. You forgive them similar to how God might forgive someone. Once you forgive someone, you can protect yourself from other people like them and it also makes you stronger as a person. Fo r lack of a better word, it will desensitize you to it.

      Let me put it to you like this, most of the people I know who give good advice and understand people well, are the people who had very tough lives and forgave.

      Learn to let go of your hate learn to let go of regret. A lot of life is about loss and we need to train ourselves to be able to lose the things we want to keep the most. Whether that's (what at one time seemed like) a good relationship, a relative, youth.

      That boy has you in him too and you can either let him be an ass like his father or you can save his kids from the same thing and raise him to be good with love. There is you in him too.

      Don't you see any of it?

  • B, you need to let go of the past and move forward. You can't take back the fact that you became a mother and have obligations toward your child. If you really didn't want to raise him, you could have given him up for a adoption where he could be in a foster home. But whatever, the choice is ultimately yours, hold onto the past and continue to hold grudges and constantly be unhappy about everything or just let it all go despite the fact that your kid reminds you of the failed relationship you had with his father. Did he abandoned the both of you? Is that why you are very unhappy about what you are going through now?

    You have to keep in mind your kid did not asked or wanted to come to this world and come into existence in this reality. It was the BOTH of you and your ex-boyfriend or ex-husbands choice to bring him here. Have you ever thought about that if things didn't turn out the way you expected them to you'd be unhappy about such as like how you currently are? I very much doubt it, but the point is that the choice had already been made, you have a son now and you have obligations to take care of him, so just let go of the past that you cannot change and don't put the blame on your son for YOUR choices and your current UNHAPPINESS.

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    • Reminds me of my own opinion on your question what we think about having children.

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    • Yeap. That kid will end up criminal or something.

    • @Unit1

      Not every single case, but if they are from a broken family and the kid is constantly abused and he has an aggressive personality developed from it, he possibly can turn out to be real bad and take his frustrations out on people and the world and lash out at some point if one thing that caused them to snap. Cause one, he realized he had been fucked over, and two, he may feel that nothing really mattered and no one would take them serious until they had snapped.

      That is unless somehow they are willing to let it all go and not blame all their problems and misfortunes on everybody else and everything else as there is really just so much everyone has control over in this world and this reality.

      So as you can see, letting go is the MOST important. Each time someone hold onto their unhappiness, grudges, "woe is me", and then once they lose it for some or whatever reason and snapped, then everyone and everything else suffers as well like a domino effect.

  • I think you might be suffering from post natal depression. If you can't let go of the past then put him up for adoption. I honestly would not be able to do that to any kid. Its just not possible.

    Forget his father why are you taking it on that poor kid. The very fact you are trying to ask this question and ratify the situation you love that kid too. Give him your love that he deserves.

    Go see a doctor and a therapist for post natal depression. If you can't move forward put him up for adoption, sooner you do that the better he'll move on if he is young and better settle with adoptive family.

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    • He is not going to move on and don't want to go with someone else because he is very attached to me.

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    • He's 5 years old. I already asked my sister to look after him when he was born but she wanted him to stay with me because she said he will change me and i will love him one day.

    • He is at the age he is attached to his mum you're all he knows. Hopefully you can pass through it but if you still feel he is better off someone giving him the care and love you are unable to then in my opinion sooner he is adopted the better. If you think your sister can love him and take care of him then I'd send him to her and you can just provide financial support and see him once in a while.

  • Who hates his own son that's the first time I hear this actually , he loves you and forgive all of your horrible treatment and you don't even have the deceny to love him for that? Shame on you shame on you don't have sex if you aren't gonna take care of your child

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  • You're an awful mother and that kid needs a parent or parents that will care for him.

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  • You don't deserve to be a mother , shame on you ,
    The poor child has nothing to do with his father , hope he had aunts and uncles that treat him better than his mom.

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  • Ummm
    I just read all opinions on here
    So much hate right?
    No idea why you're doing this with that kid but you shouldn't specially when you know you are doing something wrong
    He's your child
    Your blood
    Don't do that with him
    How would you feel if your parents treated you like that?
    So stop this and try to understand him and his love
    Forget his dad
    Love your son
    It's still not too late
    Or else you'll regret it later

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  • You're punishing the kid for having done nothing but love you. That is something he doesn't deserve and just imagine how much he would hate having not been loved by his father and his mother. That is just heart-wrenching. Make peace with your past and embrace the gift that is your son..

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  • Yes to some extent. I assumed you were raped or it was an unplanned birth, whatever. You never wanted a child, that's pretty obvious so you probably shouldn't have had him or given him up for adoption at birth in my opinion. I understand how you fell but none of that is your sons fault and you're taking it out on him which isn't fair to him at all, he just wants and needs a loving mother which you can't be to him obviously. He's going to have so many issues as he gets older it's not even funny.

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  • I feel so bad for your son.

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  • Fuck you.

    I wrote a bunch more stuff but then deleted it. Nothing more really needs to be said.

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  • Fucked up post OP. If you're trolling you're still a horrible human being for coming up with a story like this.

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    • I'm telling the truth

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    • Shut your stupid ass up.

    • You know you don't have to take this guy serious he's a catfish and I'm sure he has some mental issues. Just ignore him.

  • A and B.

    And you know the irony of it? By treating your son this way you are creating a man that is just like your sons father that you hate so much.

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  • you have a personality disorder i think you might be boderline but if you don't care for him then you should give him up and even if you hate his father it's no excuse so many couples get divorced with children

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    • I wish that was the case not like what he did

    • we all get hurt and we move on unless we have a personality disorder that prevents us from moving on. there is no point thinking about the father one day you will find a great guy that will take care of your child and you will be happier

    • No it's a Medea complex

  • It wasn't just the father, you could have avoided having a fucking kid.

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  • This song reminded me of you

    https://youtu.be/KUwjNBjqR-c

    Just turn "dad" into "mom".

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  • Idıot what is his crime if his dad ruined ur life? You dont even deserve it like this child.. fckn bitch I hope u would go to hell

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  • How the hell hasn't anyone called CPS or DSS on you? That's a fucked up view to have

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  • u got a precious gift dont loose it coz u will really regret

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  • yer u r

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  • Here's what you need to do. Call CPS, Get psychiatric help, don't be a mother anymore, stay at a mental facility because you are screwed up in the head.

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  • OMG, feminism destroyed this world and polluted women.

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  • You don't deserve to be a mother you ignorant fucking whore my mom never fucking did that to me she was never fucking mean and she's still not you know what I can't write anymore your question just pissed me the fuck off but I answered cuz I felt I needed to say something about it and say what was on my mind good day I hope you drown in a river and they never bother to find your worthless piece of shit body

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  • U ruined ur own life. shoulda got an abortion u retard lol

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  • See a therapist fast. No child should have to grow up with mother like you.

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  • You are a fuckin bitch. You are not human.

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  • You're what gives your gender a bad image

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  • Perhaps you could tell us why do you hate him so much? or even what his father did to you? May be we can solve this by talking.

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    • he was horrible and did bad things to me to ruin my life then he just said this is my own problem and he don't want to be in his baby's life for sure. So i become cold hearted since i was pregnant and still.

    • But still he is your son love him and cherish him he is his own person new and full of spark for life he is not his father. please don't harm his life for some evil wretches selfish irresponsibility and stupidity. you must like your son somewhere in your don't heart don't you? just follow that voice and believe that everything will be alright and seek some out some therapist don't try to endure this yourself anymore.

    • *in your heart*

  • Your just a soseopath possibly on your way to become a serial killer or creating one

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What Girls Said 33

  • I can understand you being mad at his father may make you want to disconnect from your son since he has his fathers DNA and may remind you of him, but this boy is NOT necessarily going to act like his father.

    This is an innocent little boy you are dealing with, granted kids can be annoying sometimes but despite you admitting to punishing him harshly, he still cuddles you and tells you he loves you. Isn't that nice to have someone that loves you like that? For his sake and yours, try to be a little nicer to him, and try to bond with him: Play a game together, watch a movie (maybe show him your favourite childhood movie), have a picnic, try and talk to him..

    Also remember that this boy is NOT his father, he may end up growing up to not even be a BIT like his father. This boy is your son, your flesh and blood. He loves you. Try to be nicer to him, try to bond. It will make you happier too.

    Also, put yourself in his shoes: Imagine if you were always trying to be nice and show affection to your mother, only for her to punish you harshly when you did something wrong, treat you bad and not love you just because she doesn't like your dad.

    Wouldn't you want her to just try a bit harder for you? Like you are for her?

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  • It's not the child's fault. Unless you were raped, in which case I think the child should have been put up for adoption considering that it's normal to not want to be reminded of the father, you and the father both chose to have sex. Accidents happen, but once you have sex, you're assuming responsibility for any children that may come out of it. Please don't hate your child for this. Look into having him put in foster care for a while while you go to counseling by yourself to try to heal after whatever happened in your past. It's not fair to him, and it's also not fair to you to keep living a miserable life that could turn out poorly if you get too angry and end up seriously harming him. It would be terrible if that's what it came down to. You're not a horrible person, but you do have problems that probably arose from your relationship that you need to get help for. And I advise you to do this NOW. Some insurance even pays for counseling. Please go get help for both yourself and your sons sake. You won't be a bad mom if you end up putting him in foster care and getting help. You'll be doing the responsible thing that's best for both of you.

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  • I think you need to seek out help or find a better situation for your son. I'm sorry to say that, but I feel so bad for him. You have a right to your feelings for your ex, but please don't take that out on your son.

    I'm wondering if you are suffering from some post partum? I've heard of women feeling resentment towards their children before when they have post partum. It doesn't hurt to seek out help. Perhaps finding help can give you a better relationship with your son.

    If that is not what you want, find him a place where he can be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved. And if he is really that much of an inconvenience to your life, then you might be happier without him. Hopefully he can find a family who will love him and give him what he deserves.

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  • This makes me sick to my stomach. Won't lie. I just feel bad for your son, he deserves to feel loved. I don't think you deserve him. You should have given him up for adoption as a baby so he had a great chance at a family who'd love him. I understand you've been through stuff but why should he have to suffer? Why? Please, tell me how it's his fault? Think of his future! Do you know how fucked in the head he's gonna be? You could at least try, for him. When you have a child you have to be selfless. I hate to sound so mean but I just can't help but be upset. Please, seek help, I'm not saying that to be mean, I really do mean it, talk to a professional, go to counseling with your son. Give him the childhood he deserves. If not, find someone who will.

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    • It's not his but it's his father's fault

    • It doesn't matter why you don't love your son. You're still taking it out on him and treating him like it's his fault. This really isn't justifiable.

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  • You are going to damage him. Stop taking out your anger on him.
    It doesn't matter whether you have love for him or not or whether you find him cute or not.
    You are a mother, and you have a responsibility, so own it.

    Go fix your anger problems, or anything problems you may have.
    Learn to be a good mother.
    Don't waste the kid.

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  • If you weren't an anon I'd report you CPS.
    Get your head on straight and treat the child the way you'd like to be treated when you were young. With love and comfort and care and respect.

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    • You can still report this post from this website to CPS. The admins will give them her IP address, and they will track her down.

    • Believe me i tried many times before.

    • LOL imagine if I had asked this question XD
      You: "yeah I'd like to report Raymond Reddington ruining his child's life."
      Cps lady: " stop with the prank calls already! Elizabeth isn't Reddingtons daughter! Sheesh.."

      I think if that'd happen and you'd put it on youtube it'd go viral lol

  • If you don't want to love your son and do what is best for him and be a mother that an INNOCENT child deserves why do you not give him up?

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    • He's attached to me even when i treated him that way.

    • And that gives you the right to be incredibly abusive to a child? He DOESN'T know any better, yet you do. Many studies show that emotional and mental abusive has even longer lasting effects than physical abuse. Think about that. And think about how you would feel. Honestly as someone that is barren this makes me absolutely SICK that you can even think you are not the worst parent on the face of the earth.

    • You are a piece of shit of a mother. I hope you get put behind the bars.

  • I've got a 2 1/2 yr old and I want to beat the hell out of her at times but I don't. I love my child and will walk through hell and back for her literally the hell which Satan rules. But I'm not judging you fully: sounds to me like you need therapy and a chill pill if you will. A child is a child and will push your limits but how can you say you hate your baby? He shows you his pure love and it saddens me that you don't care. I'd gladly raise your son as my own if you feel that way. Grow a set grow up and mother your child.

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    • Infact the more I think of this post the madder I get. If you're not trolling you need help now. I'm looking at my baby she's sleeping and I can't imagine treating her in that way. Give your child up so that he can have a normal life filled with love and joy. My child and I have wonderful times together she is so funny we laugh all the time together. Be a real mother do him a favor and let him have a childhood. Children would rather be FROM a broken home than LIVE in one!!

    • You should be thankful and happy that you can look at your daughter and feel something towards her. I didn't choose to be this person, it just happened with time especially after his horrible dad abandoned us and runaway as far as possible after all what he did.

    • Sister get some help, seek therapy please. No mother wants to feel this way toward their child. Both you and your son deserve a happy life. There's no shame in seeking out help none. I get so angry with my child but she's two so I control myself and she gets time outs. I only spank her when she's broken free from me in parking lots or on the street type situations. Your son needs your love.

  • Lady you are a few steps away from being the next Casey Anthony. You don't love your child? Give that child to a family that will. Ungrateful. https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Q390k19DPxI/hqdefault.jpg
    truecrimejunkie.com/.../...oblems_kid_aint_one.jpg

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  • You are a despicable human being. You don't deserve to be a mother. How dare you scar a kid like that?

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  • You need to let go of the baggage from your passed lover. Why didn't you give him up for open adoption or to a family member. Or you're just a narcissistic sociopath that doesn't deserve a child.

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  • You have a complex called the Medea complex.
    It's. Psychological complex. My mother treated me like shit too. and I hate her. So how about you change because you'll regret it. You shouldn't have spread your legs for an ass so stop being a bitch.

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    • Did she beat you?

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    • Are you a therapist? Because if not, you can't just say she has a mental issue. Certainly not over the internet.

    • @Raymond_Reddington http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/94/395/321
      You don't need to be a therapist to know that she fits the description of the complex problem.
      It's similar to the daddy issues complex except with girls having no father's and wanting to have a partner as a father figure.

  • You're fighting through some hard things that I'm sure the rest of us can't understand. You need to let go and move on. It's a lot easier for us to say that and it's a lot easier for us to judge you when we're not in the middle of raising a child.

    Take a deep breath and maybe reach out to a group for support that understands your situation more. You shouldn't punish your kid for something they didn't do. That doesn't mean you can't change and make things right.

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  • You're not only a bad mom but you're also a bad person. No it wasn't just his father that "ruined" your life. It was your ass too so hate yourself as well because this baby boy is a product of your own choices. Give him up for adoption where he can have all the love he deserves. I can't stand parents like you. You don't deserve the blessing of having a family.

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  • You're awful. I hope someone calls CPS and he's taken away from you

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  • You need therapy or psychiatric help. Period.

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  • Wow. The fact that he's acting like such a good son, cuddling you, and you treat him like that? How sad, seriously.
    Shape up, and be a mother. Who cares about the dad now. He is now your responsibility. You should have used protection or something if you didn't want to have a child yet.

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  • Well you should have made sure you were with the right guy before having unprotetected sex. In life, there are consequences for our actions. But don't make an innocent person pay for your mistakes. If you feel you cannot give him the upbringing and love that he needs, then consider adoption

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  • You need psychiatric help here. What you're doing is disgustingly cruel.

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  • You're a horrible mother, grow up, let go of the past and love your son.

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  • Not only are you a horrible mother but you are also a horrible person.

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  • My brother has put my mom through quite literal hell and she still loves him with all her heart. If this little boy loves you this much you need to show him love in return. How could you reject someone so pure and loving?

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  • You fucking bitch, you need locking up for life and the key thrown away, anything for the safety and wellbeing of that little lad.
    You make my fucking blood boil you cow.

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  • Yes, you're a horrible person. That kid didn't ask for any of this. You're responsible for him, you're the only one he has. Wake the fuck up before it's too late.

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  • Your son sounds adorable, he deserves to be treated with love not hatred.
    You need to change.

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  • Please, I hope you read this. Please please please go and get help. It sounds as if your son is an older kid? I'm not sure if you know about post natal depression, but left alone and doing nothing about it can make it worse and can make the depression last for years. What you said here sounds very similar to what some people with PND go through. Please go and get help. I promise you, doctors and everybody like that has seen this before, they see it hundreds of times every year. They will not judge you. I understand what you're going through. Please, make life better for the both of you and seek help.

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  • You're not horrible just try to love your son and treat him better. Please wake up before it's too late to change what happened.

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  • Maybe you developed postnatal depression?
    www.nhs.uk/.../Introduction.aspx

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