If you were a dad, how would you feel while reading this?

My biological father has contacted me on facebook and this is what i responded...
" don't really know who you are nor do I approve of the pictures you have of me on your facebook. please take them down. you are not my father and i will never consider you my father. please leave me alone. My life is perfect and i dont need you all that much so, as i said, please leave me alone. i'm 17 actually not 18, but that doesn't really matter. i dont need you. i'm actually very happy with my life. you haven't been in my life for a while. you're a complete stranger and i really dont have the time
nor the energy to meet someone new. for the sake of my "happiness" please leave me alone and never show up to my house or contact me or my mom
in any way. she's raised me well and i thank her for that. goodbye!"


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's very sad you felt the need to be so rude to him. It's a bit immature in my opinion. Personally, I understand your choice to be left alone and I also understand that you want him to take down the photos from Facebook. Putting photos on Facebook without asking the person in the photos for permission is always an impolite and inappropriate thing to do, even if it's your best friend. So there, I'm totally with you. I just don't understand why you felt the need to be so hostile towards your biological father. It seems like you deliberately wanted to hurt him and that is what I find rather childish. I get that there are unresolved issues and stuff like that but how is bitchiness gonna make anything better? I don't think your biological father deserves to be treated like this because nobody does. Now, you say he didn't pay child support but do you also know why? What if he just didn't have enough money? And what about this whole bribe at age 4? I don't get what you meant by that.
    At any rate, it seems very narrow-minded to be sulky about such past actions for the rest of your life. If I was you, I'd give him a fair chance and meet him. If not to become friends, then at least to hear his side of the story. Because you should know that single mothers are extremely good at indoctrinating their children so they end up hating their dads. This is not a new issue. Sometimes, the mothers are right but sometimes they are not. It always takes two people for a fight and thus it's rather unlikely that your mother was always the innocent little lamb who was in the right for everything (even if your biological father did some stupid things). So if I was you, I would want to know his opinion too. Maybe it would make the whole picture much more complete and maybe you would understand some things about his past actions that you don't understand now.

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    • maybe you're right. oh and he gave me a tea set at age four and said to me "hey if you come with me you can keep this tea set." and i wanted to take him home to play with and my bio father was like "no that stays here.. you can keep it until you want to say with me. and I don't know it just clicked. this man would hurt my poor mother just to keep me. Now that i find selfish lol. if he can't even pay child support how the hell would he support me? lol

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    • such couples should let themselves be used as pawns to continue the hostility and fighting. You're not your mother. You should try to have an open mind towards him and be neutral. If you meet him and he still turns out to be an unpleasant person, it won't be too late to cut off contact.

      And by the way: why do you say you're 17 when your age is indicated as 25-29?

    • yeah when i signed up i accidentally chose that and have no idea how to change it back.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl I know how that feels. I'm adopted and my biological father called he still trying to get back in my life after 3 years. I don't know how he got my number but he called his self telling me he didn't approve of where my boyfriends hand was in one of my pics! I was so pissed, you come in my life for a year then disappear for 3. I told him he can kiss my ass, your a stranger in my eyes.

    Anways lol, I would have did the same thing and he's going to feel like the dead beat he is. He might even apologize.

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    • i won't accept it lol. like he's is dead to me. he's like a stranger. i feel no connection w him whatsoever. and thats what i was hoping for.

    • Good for you! You don't need him in your life and if he doesn't take the pics down report them.

What Guys Said 16

  • Why do I even bother to respond to this as it's very obvious that you are looking for an argument or a reason to justify that your response to your father was justified. So here goes... your reality of the situation may not be true reality. However, it is your reality so if I were your dad and I read that I would possibly feel as follows:
    1) I tried, I love my son and I felt that since he is an young man now he may be ready after all these years to understand that I do, did and forever will love him. When his mother and I did not work out it was never him that didn't work out, but I didn't have a choice in the matter, the mother always decides the outcome of the relationship and she sealed my fate with my son. I missed him all these years, all the firsts that I will never get to experience, all the times I wondered if he was sick, happy, sad and how I wanted to be there for him. Even to have him yell at me because he's a kid and irrational. All of it. I would have given anything to have been ther.
    2) I can't blame him for his anger, resentment and pain. I felt the pain all these years and hoped one day my boy would want to know the man who is his father who loved him everyday but was 'denied' the opportunity to be a father as the courts are rigged and I never had a true choice, besides living in a box and eating out of garbage cans as even if I gave everything I had to fight his mom in court for even visitation I would have lost. Instead I thought I would build a better life so when he needed me an realized it was never my choice. For if I had a choice I would have played ball, went fishing, laughed and helped him grow as a man. I am empty at the loss of not having him in my life. I feel cheated.
    3) The pictures I had were all I had everyday, on my fridge, at my desk, in my wallet and everyone who saw them could see the pain behind my eyes and how my heart was broken because I lost all those moments I will never get to experience with my son. I am sad beyond belief and forever wish his mother would have allowed me to be there as he would have been my best friend.
    4) If anything he hates me, at least he feels something for me. I am happy he is happy and I wish him happiness I never had. If he ever needs me I will always be there, if and when it his life is in shambles as mine was. I will alway be there.
    5) If his wish is for me to leave him alone & he believes that his life is perfect then I don't want to ruin that fantasy.

    I love you son. Always. Dad.

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    • wow this touched my heart. i really doubt he would write this tho. he would probably say some bullshit excuse about my mom. my mom has told me many times that i could see him and the door was open.. i chose not to see him because he bribed me into staying with him when i was like 4 ... lol that was the best decision i ever made. if he loved me he would have paid the damn child support we really needed in the first place

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    • Fair enough. I read through all your responses & I see your reasoning. One thing resounds in my mind however, why then... does he have your pictures... why try to take you back at 3 or 4 years old. Logically as a dad there's only one reason. Love. He loves you. He fucked up with the fake name (maybe he was a kid, scared). Your mom said go ahead see him, because she knew that by saying that you never would (it's reverse psychology friend) similar to animal raised in captivity, you allow the animal to go to it's natural habitat and it won't why? Because it's foreign. Trust me, woman are adept at utilizing mental manipulation it's just biological advantage over males (but this is not a discussion about that). I am thankful you have a step-dad I was one in a sense to my ex-fiancee's son who deeply respected me as his father figure until mom decided to cheat too. Doesn't matter. Choice is yours, but you have NOTHING to lose but illusions & fallacy by discovering the truth. Face him free you

    • One last thing as I think I said all I could ever say. I think you're afraid (that's not shaming you it's just my honest observation). Afraid that he did love and does love you. Then what? You're world as you know it would crumble, the dream of what you though was real (watch the Matrix and take the red pill) . You may have to face that your mom wasn't perfect, that dad wasn't a douchebag (step-dad is non-relevant as he was a placebo). Then what? How will you live? Your world will be turned upside down if you actually relate or like your dad, god forbid you love him. I'm not saying you will, but I am saying you're afraid of your mom not being perfect & dad not being a total asshole. Guess what, that's more than 90% certainty that your mom isn't perfect & dad has at least 1 redeeming (or more) aspects to him. But it's easier (I know) to believe & hate him, then life is predictable & safe. I won't say anymore, if you ever take that pill let me know ow deep the rabbit hole is ok?

  • I'm so sorry that you have such a bad relationship with your dad. Personally, I would NEVER EVER want to get to that place with my daughter.
    I don't know the whole story, but I respect your choice, deciding this as the best course.
    I don't understand how parents and kids can get so far apart, for this to be the only choice!
    I hope you can find some kind of peace, and comfort, in whatever relationship you choose.
    People CAN change, so don't completely disregard him! He might, someday realize what he has lost.

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    • ehhhhhhh, i think with this letter i've already have haha. i mean if he cared he would have paid my damn child support and not bribed me to leave my mom. my mom has told me that the door is open and that i could go see him but i dont. my decision to not see him was mine not my mom's

    • and i was like 3-4 when i made that decision

  • Well discounting the fact that I would never abandon my own children, if I read that, I'd be broken and depressed to no end. Probably start drinking and smoking too.

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    • damn... well i wish this dude luck because this is exactly what i send him ;/

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    • I just dont want him in my life... i remember at 4 years that he bribed me into staying with him and thats when i didn't wanna see him anymore.. like he was trying to take me away from my mom... i was kinda sad bc i thought "how could someone who claimed to love me hurt someone else by taking me away from them?" and it just hit me. i thought of it as selfish. im so happy i was such a mature 4 year old for my age.. many 4 year old would be like "bye mom dads gonna buy me everything you can't buy me yay" .. right now my life is perfect (well emotionally not) but financially yes. I'm an average American living in a good neighborhood in a nice looking house. and i am thankful for it :) i literally started from the bottom!! hahaha anyway my last name is a lie (mom told me) and she even said that of i wanna see him the door is open so she's not stopping me.. she just warns me that tthat man is filled w lies

    • Oh well in that case I think you're well within your rights.

  • I don't think this would happen to me. I would never be an absentee father. I've had several students and one honorary nephew tell me they wish I was their dad.

    That being said, an absentee father isn't a father. I fear, asker, that you don't have a father. Thus it was appropriate to say what you said.

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  • Being a reasonable person, I'd think "well, that's a consequence of neglecting my responsibility as a father, I wouldn't expect any other reaction from someone with my genes".

    That's a genuine response and hard to fault in any way.

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  • Wow that's pretty sad to hear but at the same time why do they deserve to just come and go as they want. Maybe you should listen though who knows the circumstance your parents left each other, maybe one cheated or she refused to take the pill or something like that I doubt theyd tell you the true reason anyways

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  • He's probably hurt. Depending on what kind of person he is he's either mad at you or himself. I mean he made his bed, let him lay in it. I have zero empathy for men that abandon there kids.

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  • Well, if I'd really never been in your life out of my own choice, I'd be fine with it. If I'd been kept out by your mom, or through some other reason, then I'd be pretty bummed.

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    • i feel like he's gonna blame my mom but i made the decision when i was like 3.. he gave me a bad vibe when he bribed me into staying w him.. lol

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    • and i mean my mom doesn't know about the tea cup set.. oh now that you mention it he also had a book with a piano and after the tea cup incident when he was dropping me off i wanted it and he wouldn't give it to me because i wouldn't stay with him. i just find that so selfish..

    • Ok. You at three were so very mature that you independently and without adult assistance determined that he was being manipulative and selfish, determined the morally right thing to do, and enforced that decision from that day to this. That's not an implanted memeory, no its not. Ok.

  • I'd be pretty pissed. I'd know that my ex wife would have lied to my kid about me and it would honestly probably make me hate my ex and not want to see my kid. I wouldn't be needed, right? So why should I bother trying to be in their life if they dont want me in it?

    Plus, I'd wonder what the hell I did in the first place to receive such a rude response.

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    • mhh... this guy left me at age 2 or 3 ... bribed me into staying with him at age 3.. i knew it was wrong for him to do that so i told my mom.. never paid child support, but my mom was kind enough to let him see me. my mom had to work a lot to support me.. especially with her being an immigrant and what not... now im living the life thanks to my father.. my step dad who has made my life hella easy :)

    • Comparing me who is actually a pretty decent dude to a douchebag is not a good look. Just saying.

  • I am a dad of three

    Firstly, a man never walks out on his commitments with children the paramount one you have.

    Secondly, why is he posting pics on Social media without your knowledge/permission

    seems a bit of a dill

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    • exactly!! it was from my facebook tbh. and i had to deactivate my facebook and change all social media names. it was a hassle. like dude i have no idea who you are leave me alone lol

  • i expect a few of those in the next 10 years sadly..

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    • damn

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    • thats sweet :)

    • Well i just dont want her to ever think she wasn't a part of my daily life or not in my thoughts you know..

  • wonder what the hell i did.

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  • Wow that would hurt for your dad... he will feel horrible for his mistakes of not being there. It hurts you more I know and its not easy. :/ if you intended to make him feel bad you sure have done it but just to remind you we are all humans and we all have mistakes. You could have acted mature and listened to him for why he wasn't there for you this could have shown your dad running away wasn't the solution... thinking that he isn't there isn't gonna solve anything and you shouldn't run away from the truth. Even if you tell him then to leave you alone he should respect you because its definetly not easy for a child to adapt to this kind of situation. I hope everything works out

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    • this dude had lied to my mom countless times. he is literaly dead to me.. my dad is my step dad who loves me and cares for me. he is even planning on adopting me :)! But yeah this dude is like a lier... my last name is a joke lol. My last name is nowhere on our family tree and he bribed me to stay with him and leave my mom.. all my mom did is give me unconditonal love lol. she worked so hard to have me where im at today. i really doubt my mom would hide me from him if he wanst a bad guy. i trust my mom a lot lol.

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    • also my mom has told me many times that if i want to see him the door is open so

    • If you think that way never ever leave your mom alone :) and if your step dad has helped you become who you are todag he is your true dad. I wish things didn't went like this and your real dad would be a nice guy but its life. I would still research the past though and try to know why it happened this way but if you. are to tired just continue living on life how you did before

  • Depends on the circumstances. If losing you was outside his power and your mum has actively prevented him from seeing you all these years, it's not fair to blame him for not seeing you. Maybe he would just want to talk. Again, I don't know the circumstances. Either way, what you wrote is utterly devastating.

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    • i chose not to see him when i was like 3-4. he probably blames it on my mom, but i just didn't want to see him because he kept bribing me to stay with him by buying me a bunch of toys. i was pretty mature for my age so i knew that was wrong and selfish and i just didn't wanna see him. like even when i would be with him i wanted to go with my mom because i didn't really like him lol

    • and i dont know why

  • why's it say you're 25-29?

    and i would feel awful if i was your dad, you're not a very good family person

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    • i dont know how to change it!!

  • I would start over and make a new family. =)

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    • and actually be there for the child next time.

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    • Alright well I feel sorry for you that you became a little damaged because of this. I know you feel kind of upset that you were abandoned and stuff and that's shitty not gonna lie.

      It must make you feel unimportant and it's okay to admit it that it happened and move on. For some strange reason he just couldn't be there for you like your current dad is.

      current dad sounds like a good man. and I hope things are going well for you and your family right now.

    • thank you!

What Girls Said 8

  • I value family and I would be deeply hurt, but I would respect your boundaries with a heavy heart.

    It depends on the context, like what kind of messages he's sending, if he's the confirmed father, and just how absent he has been. If he tries to be present, but can't due to complications out of his hands, this is the greatest tragedy.

    You should look into statistics on children with only one parent, IQs tend to be lower as well as general happiness, inviting your dad back into your life WILL BENEFIT YOU AND YOUR DEVELOPMENT. People still grow mentally until the maximum age of 35, there's time.

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    • lol i have a dad.. my step dad.. :) i dont need him. he lied to my mom and i... i chose not to be with him not my mom

  • Aw😢 That's so fucked up. I mean, it depends on how long he's been gone and why he left but damn why can't she at least see him? She could at least grab a coffee with him and Let him know that she's turned out ok and has stuff planned for a future. If I were that guy I'd be heartbroken😭

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  • A clear indication of father's irresponsibility, followed by daughter's too. If I were a dad, my immediate reaction would be flaring up, and if sanity prevailed, I would analyze myself where did I falter.

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  • I would feel absolutely crushed. Something I'd think about & be sad about for the rest of my life.

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  • I would be discouraged.

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  • Dad's aren't important anyway. Who cares about their feelings.

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    • Dad's are important lol. Not all dad's are the same.. this guys an asshole but my step dad is by far the kindest man ever

  • I think that's sad. My dad would be so hurt if I said anything like that.. be super depressed, maybe even suicidal. He hasn't super hands on with upbringing and not very talkative but he loves me and my sister so much.

    Perhaps he's changed since you were a kid. Maybe he wasn't allowed visitation rights? I don't know how it works, but is it possible he wanted to be part of your life but couldn't? It would be horrible to not be allowed to see your own kid. Sure he might not have been a good parent. Maybe it's a mental disorder just his personality that made him not fit to be a parent. He's only human. But you're almost an adult now and maybe he just wants to be friends now.
    I think that message was cruel though. Who knows if he's alcoholic, drug addict, suicidal, etc

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    • nah i chose not to see him. i didn't really like him... he seemed like a selfish man.

  • Like a piece of shit.

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