Born Donaldini Francisco O'Trumpghan (later shortened simply to Donald Trump) June 14 1946 to Irish and Italian grandparents.
Trump's Grandparents who were also his real parents (although never confirmed) immigrated to the USA from French Polynesia in 1895 and were responsible for the famous pre-world war 1 cigar boom.
Trump's father Kenny O'Trumpghan was an avid and passionate cigar peddler who with the help of his wife Donatella O'Trumpghan peddled cigars all around the United States on his trusty 1886 Coventry Rotary Quadracycle for two.
The O'Trumpghan cigar brand earned them a massive fortune and made the O'Trumpghans one of the richest families in the United States.
Tragically, Kenny O'Trumpghan was killed during the First World War at the infamous and heavily documented battle of Kuala Lumpur when he choked to death on a special cigar he was testing in a Malaysian night club.
Following the death of the O'Trumpghan patriarch, Trump's mother sold the cigar business as she could not ride the 1886 Coventry Rotary Quadracycle for two by herself.
The company sold for the equivalent of $50,000,000,000 in 1920's money when the slapmark was the currency of the time.
Donatella never remarried and died in 1937, 9 years before giving birth to her grandchild Donaldini - a biological mystery which has baffled scientists to this day.
Donald Trump was able breeze through the education system and earn a law degree in the first 4 years of his life. He was able to claim back the money his mother left behind when she died in 1950 from the U. S government after DNA testing proved him to be the rightful owner of the fortune which had somehow remained in a frozen bank account for 13 years.
Donald Trump then became a rap artist and wrote and performed no less than 69 platinum records - 1 for every year of his life before quitting the rap industry to pursue the Presidency of the United States of America.
A truly remarkable human being.
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Most Helpful Girl
An early photo of the O'Trumpghan's on their quadracycle and a photo of little Donald modelling their famous cigars...
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Most Helpful Guy
This is the funniest thing I've read all day.2