it's all being very hard for me. extremely hard, so i really want to die, but often i have glimpses of fear of death, especially when i'm better and can grasp better what it is. sometimes it seems like a way (the only way) for my tettered brain to stop agonizing, but when i'm more aware, when it turns on some more parts, i'm afraid of losing consciousness. i felt the same about sleep when i was a child. i dreaded the idea of sleep because it was like death, demise of consciousness. i felt very self-aware back then, and now, that sleep is to me of the same relief death seems (it doens't give me any relief, just the occasion to stop suffering), i have glimpses of such awareness, which makes everything seem less drab but darker. can anyone understand me?
Do you ever switch from being afraid of death to being afraid o living ad vice versa?
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Not afraid of death. I am kind of waiting for it. My best friends the same way.0
all the time, being alone and not being loved by a girl doesn't help break the desire to die instead of living0
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