Why does he do this to me?

I met a guy at work about 2 years ago and despite his fuckboy attitude, i started to like him. he used to stare at me up and down and tell me i was hot. i didn't know how to react and everytime he tried to get close, i would push him away because i was scared.

so months later, he ended up getting a girlfriend and he became my boss. i was devastated and i tried to move on. and the best that i could do is get used to it. until this day, i still feel really bad about it. i just hide it.

at first, i couldnt deal with it, so i just started being mean to him and he would always ask why i hated him or why i was mad. he would even ask my best friend things about me.

i tried to calm down and i've been trying to be nicer but every once in a while, i can't help but be rude and sarcastic. and maybe its just me but it starts to get confusing when he does certain things. lately, he keeps being extra nice. he offered to buy me coffee. and when he came back from vacation, he was about to give me a hug, and i just looked surprised and he played it off by saying "im kidding, i won't make you do all that" he keeps watching me a lot lately. i thought it was work related but i haven't seen him do any evaluations on me so i guess it wasn't. he keeps trying to stand close to me a lot. he uses the computers next to me a lot now. he's also trying to make conversation with me a lot now. before it seemed like he didn't know how to go about it. the other day, he even came to sit with me on break. and he is starting to tell me he loves me after i do certain things again. the other day he rubbed my elbow and told me he did something for me because he loved me. he always said things like that before. he's good at reading me too.

i try so hard to not think about him but i can't stop. especially when he does things like this. i try to see if he is like this with the other girls, but he's not. maybe he wants to close friends like i am with other people at work, but who knows.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You said he has a girlfriend now, right? so he is still doing these things that you mentioned in the post? that is definitely not a good sign.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah this is recent. I find it weird that he keeps acting like this.

What Girls Said 1

  • Wow a romance I want to watch or read about. Sucks he has a girlfriend but maybe he isn't happy and it was a rushed thing because you kept pushing him away and now that he sees that you are angery with him he knows you have feelings for him and he is trying to get closer to you but I think you should be honest and see what he really wants out of this if he expresses he wants to be with you then that's good as along as the girlfriend is out of the picture but if he really is into you and he is acting this way I think she is already out the picture to be honest or he is waiting to see if he should break up with her depending on how you feel

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    • 3mo

      Well they have been together for over a year now and to me that seems like forever but for some reason, some of the coworkers and a manager i am close with tell me other wise. they talk to him a lot and they still think its not going to last. they think he just settled and he's comfortable with her but thats it. he has talked about proposing to her. but he keeps putting it off because he says she is immature.

      i've always contemplated telling him how i feel. but i feel dumb because i'd see him at work again and i really dont know how he'd react. he's confusing.

      and also, another reason why my coworkers think he's with her is because she does everything for him. she cooks and takes care of his kids. i wouldn't be able to do all that. i have a lot on my plate with school and work. he knows how busy i get during the semester i dont even have time to sleep.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah i get confused as to why he says it. I thought, oh maybe he tells me he loves me as a friend. But i dont know. Im just afraid to ask because i dont want him to think i want him to stop. After 2 years, he is finally getting comfortable with me. It seems like before, we would just play fight and he seemed like he didn't know how to talk to me.

      I thought he was happy. But my coworkers tell me he's not. he's just settling.

    • 3mo

      If you don't want him to stop and he is doing thsee things and saying things to me he isn't doing it for no reason. I have a boss that isn't happy in his relationship although he doesn't hit on us in a sexual way he tells us all that he loves us granted his wife is jealous the point I'm making is that why would he choose one person to say I love you too? Have you worked together the longest are you the only one who works in the office alone with him does he tell other employees that he loves them? If not then he is saying it to you for a reason that reason being he has feelings for you and he is stuck I'm a bad situation where he doesn't know what to do he is waiting on you to give him some signal an answer to know what step he wants to take. But if you give him nothing you both will be stuck until someone blurts it out

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